


Seattle

by hurricanejjareau



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, It has a happy ending I swear, Mentions Of Infidelity, Mild Language, Season 5 Spoilers, Season 9 Spoilers, Spoilers, mentions of cheating, you just may want to punch aaron hotchner before it's over
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 58,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27971621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurricanejjareau/pseuds/hurricanejjareau
Summary: From the moment they are assigned to each other as partners at their first placements at the FBI’s Seattle field office, Special Agents Y/n L/n and Aaron Hotchner are clearly the perfect match for each other: driven, intelligent, courageous, and both working towards the ultimate goal of becoming profilers. While learning the ropes of the Bureau, they become everything to each other: a rock, a confidant, the person they trust their life with, best friends, and maybe even something more. After making a decision, one leaves the other behind, leaving them both to pick of the pieces of what never was and deal with their own emotions. But what happens when the Bureau brings the two of them back together fifteen years later?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Aaron

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is...happening. 
> 
> Hello! My name is Red! Some of you may know me from Tumblr as @hurricanejjareau. I'm a big Criminal Minds and SVU fan, and a few months ago I wrote this series, and I've finally decided to publish it to AO3! Please keep in mind I have no idea what I am doing, and please bare with me while I figure this out. 
> 
> I hope to publish every Wednesday and Sunday, but I won't set times because I know I'm not good enough to keep those up. 
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy!

_“She was back in western Washington state, where rain was so prevalent that a day of sunshine was the lead story on the local news.” -Susan Mallery_

–– –– –– ––

Home. Home was Seattle. After six months in Quantico, Virginia, I’d been lucky enough to receive my first placement as an FBI Special Agent at its Seattle field office, in my hometown. 

I could have cried when I found out. My roommate had been just as excited for me, even though she had been placed in New Orleans. She promised to visit the first chance she got, but neither of us really expected it to be anytime soon.

I woke up with my alarm clock, today being my first day on the job. I smacked the button to turn it off, then sat up in the bed. My bed was one of the few pieces of furniture that had been set up in my small house in West Seattle. Every room in the house was littered with cardboard boxes I had yet to unpack. It wasn’t far from the office, even if it required a ferry ride or a bridge to get there. I didn’t mind, though - I’d loved taking the ferry ever since I was a little girl, and it was one of the things I missed most while living in Quantico. 

I got up, walking the short way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. The smell woke me up as I made my way back into my room and into the small, adjacent bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before reentering my room. I walked over to the bags of clothes from where my mom and I had gone shopping over the weekend, pulling out the new charcoal gray blazer and matching trousers. I grabbed a light gray tank top to match and changed into them. I smiled at myself in the mirror, straightening the jacket before I did my hair. I pulled it back so it was half up, securing it was a ponytail holder. I pulled a few of the loose pieces out to frame my face before adding a little mascara and lip gloss. 

I put on a pair of earrings and my silver watch, checking the time once it was secured around my wrist. _6:30 am._ My mom had asked me to come see her at her apartment if I had time. I figured that if I left within the next ten minutes I would have time to make it there before I had to be at the field office at eight. 

I quickly made some toast and slathered some jam onto a piece before pouring the freshly brewed coffee in a travel mug. I took a quick swig of it before putting on my coat and grabbing the cardboard box of things I was taking to my desk. I walked out to my car, locking the door securely behind me as a morning fog settled on the neighborhood. It was coming up from the bay and from the rain shower we had gotten last night, although neither of those things were anything new.

I sat the box in the passenger’s seat before inserting my keys into the ignition. My little car’s engine roared to life, music beginning to pour from the speakers as I tuned the radio to one of my favorite stations. I smiled as I suddenly heard the familiar voices of the morning show announcers. I turned around in my seat to back out of my driveway, then driving over to Seacrest Dock. The only way to get into Seattle proper from my neighborhood was to take the ferry or cross a bridge, and today I chose the ferry. This particular water taxi didn’t allow cars, but the office was only about a 15 minute walk from the pier where we would dock anyway. 

Digging around in my box for my purse, I paid the fare and boarded. It was one of the earliest ferries of the morning, so there weren’t many other people riding with me. A few people in scrubs, clearly heading to shift at one of the hospitals, along with a handful of women who looked like school teachers. There were a few elderly, and since most of them had newspapers I knew they probably just liked to ride the ferry in the mornings. 

The only person who looked out of place was a younger man, only a few years older than me at the most. He was on the other side of the boat, and all I could work out was the fact we had dark hair and a suit. He and I were the only people wearing suits, and I wondered what he did for a living. I noticed he was carrying a large cardboard box as well, and I could only assume the mystery man was likely starting a new job today too. 

I gazed over at the skyline as the ferry edged its way through the dark waters. The Space Needle was just about the only building that really signaled the cityscape belonged to Seattle, but it was still beautiful to me. I wrapped my coat tighter around my body, the cold wind chilling my bones. The Quantico weather had treated me well, and my body had been taking the last few days to readjust to the perpetual cold of winter in Seattle. 

I pulled my phone from my pocket, flipping it open and dialing my mom’s number. After a few rings, she picked up. “Morning, mom.”

“Morning, Y/n!” She said, and her cheeriness was evident through the phone. It made me smile.

“Do you still want me to swing by your place before I head in?”

“If you have time,” she said. “I’d love to see you before your first day.”

I nodded, though she couldn’t see it. “Great. The ferry is about to dock, so I’ll see you in a minute.”

“See you then,” she answered. “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom,” I answered with a smile before flipping my phone shut. 

The ferry soon docked at Pier 50, and nearly everyone got off. The only remaining passengers were the older men and women. With my box of personal items held tightly in my hands, I walked the few blocks to my mom’s brownstone–my childhood home. I rung the doorbell, even though I could have just used my key. 

Seconds later, I heard the deadbolt unlock and the door swung open. My mom greeted me with her usual wide smile. 

“Oh, you look beautiful,” she said. “I knew that suit would look good on you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

I entered the house, and I could smell the tea she had likely just finished brewing. She poured me a cup, which I took even though I had a thermos of coffee in my car.

“So, how’s the new place going?” She asked as we sat down at the breakfast nook that was tucked into the corner of her kitchen. 

I nodded as I took a sip of the hot tea. “Good! I haven’t had much time to unpack or put anything together, but I’m going to work on that a little more tonight.”

“That’s good,” My mom said. “Are you nervous about today?”

I felt the top of my ears flush. “Honestly, I’m terrified. I did good at the academy, but I have no idea how I’m going to hold up in the field.”

“Honey, you’ll do great,” She said, patting my hand. “I have complete confidence in you. We all do.”

I smiled back at her. “I’m really nervous about meeting my partner. They say your partner will make or break you.”

“Well, whoever gets partnered with you will be very lucky,” my mom assured me.

“Thanks, mom.” I looked at my watch. I took one last drink of my tea. “I better go.”

She nodded. “Good luck! I expect you to call me later and tell me all about it.”

“I will, I promise,” I said, placing my hand on her shoulder as I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I grabbed my things from where I had left them by the front door and started walking the remaining few blocks to the FBI field office. 

Once the tall building finally came into view, I had to stop for a moment and look up at it. The excitement and nerves in my chests began to tangle together. After I knew I couldn’t wait any longer, I stepped inside the doors and proceeded to go through security. I had to show my placement papers to get in since I didn’t have a badge or credentials yet–I assume that’s part of what I’ll have to do today. I got cleared with no problems, and directed to the fifth floor.

I got off the elevator and stepped off onto the floor into a relative state of calmness. I could see other agents working on their cases, although it was still fairly early. The office seemed small, like there weren’t a great deal of agents who worked here. They all gave me polite smiles as I looked around nervously, no idea of where to go or what to do now. 

“Are you new?” A kind voice asked me. I turned to see a woman around my age, with dark olive skin and brown hair. 

I nodded. “It’s my first day. I just graduated from the academy. I’m Agent Y/n L/n.” I shifted the box in my arms to shake her hand.

“Oh!” She said, her face lighting up. “I graduated from the class right before yours, the June class! I’m Aubrey.”

“Ahh, okay!” I said, and I immediately began to feel a little better. 

“Come on,” She said, motioning for me to follow her. “I’ll take you to the special agent in charge’s office. Agent Collins is a great guy, so don’t be nervous.”

She knocked on a dark wooden door, the nameplate reading Gregory Collins. 

“Come in,” a voice said behind it, and Aubrey shot me a reassuring smile before she opened the door. 

“Sir, I think this is one of the new placements. This is Y/n L/n.”

“Ahh, yes! Special Agent L/n, welcome to the Seattle field office!”

I smiled at him as he stood up from his desk and walked over to greet me. Agent Collins was an older man, probably in his mid forties. He was fairly plump, with balding hair and a slight goatee. I shifted the box in my hands again as he extended his hand for a handshake. “I’m SSA Gregory Collins. Call me Greg. I’m the special agent in charge here.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said with a smile. “I’m excited about my placement.”

“Well, we’re excited to have you!” He assured me. “I fought to have you placed here from the moment I saw your scores and course grades; very impressive.” Those same test scores had gotten me assigned as a special agent straight out of the academy. “I can see you’ve already met Agent Michaelson. She came in from the last class at the academy.”

“I have, yeah,” I said, turning to notice that Aubrey had since left the small office. “She seems nice.”

“She is,” Agent Collins said. “She’s a great help with interviewing victim’s families.”

“Your partner should be here in a few minutes,” he continued. “He went to have his photo taken for his ID, He should be back any-”

As if on cue, a tall man in a suit with floppy, jet black hair and dark brown eyes entered the small office. His hair stood out drastically against his fair skin. I was pretty sure he was the same guy I had seen a few hours earlier on the ferry. My breath caught in the back of my throat as I saw him up close–he was gorgeous.

“Y/n, this is your partner, Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. Agent Hotchner, this is Special Agent Y/n L/n.”

We both gave each other wide smiles as I shifted the box in my hands once more to now shake his. He had a beautiful smile. 

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” he said to me. 

“Nice to meet you too,” I replied with a smile. 

Agent Collins watched the two of us for a moment, his eyes flickering between the two of us for a moment before he spoke up again. “Alright, so they two of you will find your desks outside in the bullpen. The two empty ones right next to each other have been saved for the two of you–take whichever you’d prefer. L/n, Agent Hotchner can take you to have your badge made. The two of you should have your credentials issued before you leave at the end of the day.”

We nodded, and Aaron led me over to the empty desks. He had claimed the one off to the right as his, so I sat my down at the other. I shrugged my coat off, draping it on the back of the rolling chair and looking back up to him. He had been watching me, shaking himself back into the present once he saw me looking at him. “If you’re ready, I can take you to have your ID made.”

I nodded, my eyes flickering to the one now clipped to his jacket. He began to lead me in the direction of the elevators, hitting the call button for one and waiting for it to arrive,

“So, like Greg said, I’m Aaron.” He said, giving me a more informal introduction as we stepped onto the elevator. 

I laughed. “And I’m Y/n.”

“Where are you from?” He asked. “Originally, I mean.”

“Right here, actually,” I said. “Seattle.”

“That must be nice,” He said. 

“What about you?”

“Virginia,” He said. 

“Oh, so the academy wasn’t far from home for you?” I asked him. 

“A few hours. Not as close to home as this is for you.”

“Did you just graduate from the last class?” I asked.

He nodded. “I have no idea how we’ve never met before.”

I shrugged as the elevator doors opened and we stepped out. “The only time I think I’ve seen you before was on the ferry this morning.”

He turned to me, a look of surprise on his face. “You live in West Seattle?”

I nodded. 

“I do too. I just moved down there last week.’

I laughed at the coincidence. “I did too. My house is a trainwreck. Boxes everywhere, things that need to be installed. I’m just grateful I have my brothers to help my put together furniture or I would be sleeping on my floor.”

He laughed. “Believe me, I doubt my place looks much better,” he said as he grabbed the handle of a door. I entered to find a room with a camera and a backdrop. I showed the agent who came over to me my paperwork, and she led me to have my photo taken. I gave the camera my best smile, the flash going off just seconds later. 

“Just a few minutes and we can give you your ID,” She said with a smile. I walked back over to wait with Aaron, the two of us continuing to swap basic life information. He had gone to Georgetown and studied law. He had been a prosecutor for a year before he applied to the academy, claiming that as a prosecutor he was “too late to stop them”, and he thought that as an FBI agent he might be able to “stop the killers before they kill in the first place.” I noticed we had similar reasons for joining the Bureau.

“My goal is to make it to the BAU one day,” he said.

“Mine too,” I said, the both of us smiling at each other as the agent walked back over to us with the blue and white name badge. I thanked her as the two of us started to walk back to the elevators. 

“This feels a lot more real now,” I said, not able to help the feeling of disbelief as I stared at the plastic ID.

Aaron grinned. “I know, right?”

I gazed at it for a moment, my photo smiling back at me before I clipped it onto my belt loop. “Wow.”

The day flew by, Aaron and I mostly spent our day talking to Aubrey and organizing our desks while trying not to get lost. At the end of the day, everything became official when Agent Collins handed Aaron and I were our badges and credentials, the leather feeling smooth and new in our hands. We both gave each other massive grins.

“You heading home, Hotchner?” I asked a few moments later as he gathered his coat and briefcase, something I inferred was likely a remnant of his law days. 

“Actually, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to leave together?” He asked. “I mean, since we take the same ferry and all. Maybe we can head into town and look around, get some dinner and get to know each other a little better?”

I nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “I’d like that.”


	2. Partners

_“Sometimes when you meet someone, there’s a click. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I believe in that click.” -Ann Aguirre_

– – – –

“What’s your favorite color?”

“My favorite _what?”_

“Your favorite color,” she repeated, like it was the simplest question in the world. And he guessed it was once he really thought about it. It just wasn’t the next question he had expected to come out of her mouth. 

“Green, but why does it matter?” Aaron asked the girl sitting across from him. 

Y/n shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just always thought a person’s favorite color says a lot about them.”

“Okay then, what’s your favorite color?” he asked. 

“Yellow.”

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “Yeah, that checks out.” She laughed, which made Aaron chuckle as well. 

After the two had left work, Aaron and Y/n had taken the ferry back to West Seattle, before they stopped at her house so she could drop off her car. She hopped into the passenger seat of his car soon after, and he drove them into the bustling area of their neighborhood home to dozens of restaurants and shops. They settled on a little restaurant called Joe’s, advertising comfort food in the windows. The new partners were very satisfied with their choice, and without either even uttering a word it became their new place.

The two young agents had talked for hours, about anything and everything. Family, friends, college, the academy, hobbies, television shows; anything. The more they talked, the more they revealed to the other, the more each was desperate to learn about the other.

They say your partner will end up knowing everything about you, they’ll see you through the good and the bad, whether you like it or not, They say that your partner will know more about you than anyone else, maybe even your own mother. And the longer he sat across from her, answering her random, and sometimes deep, questions and hearing her funny stories, the more he found himself feeling okay with that notion. 

Because Aaron was completely enamored by his new partner. She was unlike anyone that he had ever met before. She was smart, funny, incredibly kind, wise, and she had the brightest eyes of anyone he had ever seen. Y/n had somehow gotten him to say things he had only told a select handful of people before, if anyone at all, and they were _definitely_ not things he had told them within hours of meeting them. She made him laugh in a way that no one ever had, not even— well, he tried not to think about her. He was trying to get over her. 

It had only been a few hours since the two had met in Collins’ office, but L/n could already read him like a book. 

And there was something about Aaron Hotchner that Y/n L/n was completely and utterly fascinated by. She could tell that there was so much hidden behind those rich, chocolate brown orbs. She didn’t know exactly what all was going on in his head yet, but she knew she wanted to. Aaron had a burning passion for justice and for demanding what was right, and she admired that. Y/n could tell that he was maybe just a little reckless, and in that way they might work together like oil and water, because so was she at times. But, she had this sense that had a great companion in Aaron, professionally and personally.

“Okay,” Y/n said, continuing. “What’s a song that you used to love in high school that you still jam out to when no one’s around?”

“Oh, so now we’re just asking each other random questions?” Aaron asked, the amusement sparkling in his eyes. 

“Yeah! Why not?” she said, her eyes shining with the same amusement. “I mean, we’ve already went over our life stories, why not just start asking dumb questions?”

“That’s a fair point,” he answered with a laugh.

“Hmm,” he said, thinking of an answer to her question. “I really loved ‘Don’t You Forget About Me.’”

Y/n had just lifted her glass to take a drink, and now she was having a mild coughing fit because she tried to laugh. 

“Oh, you’re going to laugh at my answer?” Aaron asked in mock offense. 

“No, no,” she said, once she could breathe again and was trying to control her laughter. “I mean, my answer is ‘Come On Eileen’, so it’s not like I’m doing much better, I just never would have expected that as your answer.”

“Oh, give me a break! I saw _The Breakfast Club_ in theaters when it came out and I didn’t stop singing the song for weeks. It drove my mom crazy. And I mean, really? ‘Come On Eileen?’” he asked through a laugh.

Y/n shrugged, still giggling. “I don’t know, man. My dad used to play it in the car all the time, singing it at the top of his lungs. I guess it just sort of stuck.”

Once the two had finished laughing at the other’s answers, Aaron smirked. “Alright, my turn to ask something.”

She mirrored his smirk. “Give me your worst.”

“Childhood celebrity crush.”

Y/n’s face turned bright red, and she buried her head in her hands. “No! Don’t do this to me!”

He laughed, and as she looked at him through her fingers, she noticed he had dimples in his cheeks that showed when he was really laughing. That made her smile. 

“Come on, your answer can’t be that bad,” he said. “Besides, it’s not like I’m not going to give you an equally embarrassing answer.”

“Okay,” she said, pausing for a moment. He tilted his head, waiting for her answer. “Okay, fine! Tom Cruise.”

“See, that wasn’t so bad! But, since I had to explain my answer to the last question, you have to explain this one.”

“That’s fair,” Y/n agreed with a nod. “Well, I was obsessed with _The Outsiders_ as a kid. Like, at one point there was a solid few months I watched it at least once a week. I would rotate between which Greaser was my favorite every few weeks. Even through high school, that was the movie I’d watch when I had a bad day — I still do that, sometimes. I’ve watched it so many times I know most of the lines. Anyway, though, I really started to have a crush on Tom Cruise when my mom, sister, and I saw _Top Gun_ in the theaters. The first time they showed him in that uniform, I was sold. I saw him in whatever I could after that.”

Aaron chuckled. “I’ll give you some credit, _Top Gun_ is a great film. So is _Risky Business_ , by the way.”

“Oh yeah, I love _RIsky Business_ too. I mean, the scene where he slides into the hallway - classic. But you, Aaron Hotchner, are putting off answering your own question. So spill it.”

“Fine,” he relented. “Lea Thompson.”

Y/n’s face scrunched. “Please tell me you aren’t going to say Lea Thompson in the film I’m thinking of.”

To her surprise, Aaron’s ears turned red. She hadn’t expected that kind of reaction. She covered her face in her hands again. “Aaron, no!”

“Look, I know she was Marty’s mom, and that whole plot line is weird, but she’s pretty!”

“She _is_ pretty,” Y/n agreed. “But it’s just so icky!”

“Isn’t that the point?” he asked with a laugh. 

“I guess you’re right,” she said with a laugh. 

“I think it’s your turn to ask another question,” he said to the girl across from him with a small smile. 

“Alright,” she said, looking up at the ceiling as she thought. He couldn’t help but notice once again how bright her eyes were. “Ooh, I’ve got it! What are two things you will admit you’re bad at?”

He raised a brow, something Y/n noticed he did often, but she thought it was cute. “You want to know things I’m bad at? Wouldn’t you rather know what I’m good at?”

Y/n shrugged, a small smile still resting on her lips as it seemed to always. “I don’t know, I think what someone is willing to admit they’re bad at says more than what they might say they’re good at. Less chance to try and make yourself look better — you have to admit you aren’t good at something.”

“That…that’s oddly deep. Wow.” 

She giggled. Aaron thought about his answer.

“I’ll go first, give you some time to think,” the girl answered. “I’ve always been terrible at math. All through school I was awful at it. I’m bad at math, and I can barely balance a checkbook.”

“You can’t balance a checkbook?” he asked with a chuckle. 

“I said I can _barely_ balance one. I can usually do it decently but I always have to make my mom check it and make sure I haven’t missed anything. And don’t make fun of me! They don’t teach you that sort of thing in school!”

Aaron laughed, unable to make much of an argument against that. He took so long to think of his own answer, not wanting to give something too personal. He thought for so long, Y/n wasn’t sure he was going to answer. 

“Monopoly,” he said suddenly. 

This time, it was Y/n’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“I have always been terrible at Monopoly, ever since I was a kid,” Aaron explained with a shrug. “My brother would always wipe the floor with me.”

She laughed. “That’s one of the things I can keep track of money in, so we’re definitely going to have to play together sometime,” she joked. 

Aaron laughed. “Deal.”

“You’ve got to tell me one more thing,” she said, a teasing look on her face as he rested her chin in her hand and watched him. 

“I’m not…exactly, the best at communicating,” he answered slowly. Once he noticed she wasn’t laughing – in fact, she was listening intently – he continued. “I’ve always been the kind of person to try and solve my problems on my own. It doesn’t always work out well for me, and it’s made me really stubborn over the years. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how well it’s going to work out in the field.”

Aaron tried to gauge the girl’s reaction, and he could tell that she wasn’t judging him for what he’d just told her. She knew it had taken a lot to admit it, especially to someone he hadn’t known very long, and she respected him for it. 

She gave him a soft smile. “Well, I’ll try my best to deal with that. Even if it means I have to put duct tape over my mouth or something to force you to talk.”

That made him laugh, and Y/n was glad she could break some of the tension in the moment that had unintentionally formed after his confession. Suddenly, she yawned, realizing just how tired she felt.

She looked down at her watch for the first time all evening. 9:30 — they had been here for three and a half hours. In that moment, she looked around – they were nearly the only ones left in the restaurant. Thankfully, it didn’t seem to bother the employees, who seemed to enjoy talking amongst themselves. 

“It’s late,” Y/n said, pulling the sleeve of her blazer back down from where she’d had to move it to see her watch face. “I need to try and get through a few boxes before I go to sleep.”

Aaron nodded, his eyes widening ever so slightly as he himself realized how late it was. “Of course.”

He motioned for the check, and Y/n grabbed her purse. 

“Don’t,” Aaron said quickly once he had noticed, his gentlemanly instincts getting in a lot faster than he’d care to admit. “I’ll pay.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, really,” she said, waving him off as she pulled out her wallet.

“Please, let me.”

“Aaron, I can’t let you-”

“Y/n, in the few hours you’ve known me, I think my stubbornness has been established. So unless you want to spend the rest of the night arguing with me over who’s picking up the check, just let me pay.”

She laughed, her hair falling in her face as she shook her head. She pushed it back behind her ear as she put her wallet back in her purse, zipping it closed as Aaron smiled in satisfaction. 

“Fine,” she relented. After a split second, she stuck her finger in his direction, which oddly intimidated him. “But only if I can pay next time.”

“So you think there’s going to be a next time?” he teased with a smirk. 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him. “I mean, I think so. We’re partners, right? Not much we can do about it in the ‘spending an ungodly amount of time with each other’ department. Plus, I suppose you seem like a pretty nice guy I wouldn’t mind being friends with outside of work.”

He laughed. “Deal.” 

They both smiled at the other, neither breaking eye contact for several moments. They could both see in each other’s eyes that, even though Y/n’s statement had been delivered in a joking tone, it showed just how open and vulnerable she had been with him over the course of dinner. It showed that she really did consider him a friend now. And Aaron knew that, by agreeing, he was telling her the same thing— and he meant it.


	3. Hotch

_“I still get jitters every time I start a new job! I love it – makes you feel alive.” -Camille Guaty_

– – – –

“L/n. Hotchner. I’ve got your first case.”

Aaron and I looked up away from each other and up at Agent Collins, who was making his way over to our desks. Any drowsiness I felt from the late night Aaron and I had spent unpacking boxes back at my house was immediately replaced with a bundle of nerves and excitement. 

“What is it?” Aaron asked as we were both handed manilla case files. I suppressed the grin that fought my lips as I saw the bold _Federal Bureau of Investigation_ lettering and DOJ seal. 

“A murder downtown,” Collins said. “The daughter of a congressman was found murdered in her apartment this morning. Her father and the local PD are requesting our help, and it’s already a high profile case. All our other agents are working on other cases, so I’m putting you two on it— don’t let me down.”

“Yes sir,” I said, a polite smile tugging at my lips. As soon as Agent Collins’ back was turned, Aaron and I looked to each other. The excitement shined in his eyes, and I knew it did in mine as we went over to our desks to grab our service weapons. 

“Woah!” I heard a voice say behind us, and Aaron and I turned to see a man, who we could only assume was another agent. “Who are they?” He saw me, then looked me up and down. “More importantly, who’s the pretty girl?”

The man was tall and lean, with thick light brown hair, hazel eyes, and almost porcelain colored skin. What surprised me most was the fact he was wearing a three piece suit: black slacks, a black blazer, and a black vest with a crisp whire shirt underneath. 

Agent Michaelson rolled her eyes at him, turning back to us. “I’m sorry about him. Cole is a large child that I cannot control. Y/n, Aaron, this is my partner, Agent Everett Cole. He’s been on vacation visiting with his family. Cole, these are Agents Y/n L/n and Aaron Hotchner. They’re new transfers from the academy.”

“Ahh, nice to meet you all,” Agent Cole said, holding out his hand to the both of us to shake. I gave him a firm handshake and a smile. 

“Ooh, good grip!” He said with a grin. 

“What, did you expect me not to?” I asked. “Because I’m a girl?”

Everett opened his mouth as if to respond, but then he closed it again. He hadn’t let go of the handshake yet, and at this point he did, looking at his feet and sliding the hand into his pocket. Aubrey and Aaron both looked between the both of us, as I kept my eyes focused on the embarrassed man in front of me. 

“Well now,” Aubrey said, “I think Everett has met his match.”

“I’m kidding,” I said finally with a giggle. He looked up at me, his face flushed the lightest shade of pink. “It’s nice to meet you too, Agent Cole.”

“Please, call me Everett,” he replied. “And, I’m sorry. I never meant to imply I was expecting any less because you’re a girl.” 

I laughed. “It’s fine – I was just kidding. But I think Aaron and I need to get going.”

I looked up at him, and found him already looking at me. I gave him a shy smile, feeling my cheeks flush as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah let’s go. I’ll drive.”

He grabbed his keys as I put the magazine into my Glock and followed him out. 

Just as we were out of earshot, Everett turned to Aubrey with raised eyebrows.

“I know, right?” she said with a grin. 

“Had they met before yesterday?” He asked her, bewildered at the fact they seemed to click so well. 

Aubrey shook her head. “Nope. Same class at the academy but they’d never met before Greg told them they were partners.”

“Wow,” Everett said, surprised. The two partners watched the two new agents as they entered the elevator, laughing about something. “Well, if he doesn’t ask her out I will.”

Aubrey laughed, patting his shoulder. “Yeah, well, good luck with that. Something tells me she’s not the type of girl you’re going to be able to charm into a date with you. In the meantime, we’ve got an arson case to work on.”

–––

“You two FBI?” a detective asked. 

Aaron nodded and held out his hand. The two shook hands, and then I shook hands with the detective. “I’m Agent Hotchner, and this is my partner Agent L/n.”

I couldn’t help but think of how nice that statement sounded as we flashed our credentials for good measure. 

“What have you got?” I asked, nodding towards the brownstone that held our crime scene. He motioned for us to follow him inside. 

“Lila Osbourne. Twenty-two years old. Found stabbed to death this morning by her best friend, Sophia,” the officer said as he led us into her bedroom. “No signs of forced entry anywhere in the house.”

I grimaced as the scene came into view. Her body was on the floor, the wall and ceiling covered in blood. There were clear signs of a struggle. Aaron and I both took a pair of latex gloves from someone on the CSU team and slid them on. 

“He really did a number on her,” I said, looking up at Aaron. His eyes were slightly wider than normal as he nodded. 

“You’ve got that right,” the medical examiner said as he stood up from his place next to the body. “She was stabbed at least twenty times.”

“What was the time of death?” Aaron asked the M.E..

“Around three this morning,” he answered. 

I frowned. “Did anyone see or hear anything?”

One of the other officers shook their head. “Nothing. We canvassed all the neighbors on this street, even a few across and no one heard or saw a thing.”

“All these neighbors so close together and no one heard a thing?” Aaron asked, looking at me. “You can’t tell me this girl wasn’t screaming her lungs out.”

“Unless,” I began, “she knew her killer.”

“How would that change things?” one of the younger officers, probably right out of the police academy like Aaron and I were Quantico, asked.

“Because, if she knew her attacker, she would have let him in. She wouldn’t have been screaming or calling for help if she knew who it was. He also probably wouldn’t have been someone anyone would have noticed as out of the ordinary.”

“That explains the fact that there were no signs of forced entry,” Hotch said. “That many stab wounds also indicates that this was personal.”

“The action of stabbing in and of itself is often personal,” I said. “Usually sexual, but not always. If you factor in the number of times she was stabbed and that only adds to that theory Lila’s killer is someone she knew.”

“Could it have been a jealous boyfriend?” Aaron asked, the two of us practically forgetting there was anyone else in the room as we theorized. “Ex-boyfriend?”

“As far as we can tell, she wasn’t currently dating anyone,” the detective that led us up here said. I nodded, taking the information into account. 

“So then possibly an ex-lover,” I mused. 

“If she knew them, and willingly let them in, then why are there signs of a struggle?” the same younger officer asked. 

“Well, she still could have struggled with her killer,” Aaron said. 

“Or, her killer could have staged the struggle,” I said. “That wouldn’t be unheard of. Especially if the attack was premeditated.”

The detective that met us outside, Detective Daniels, looked between Aaron and I for a moment. “Are you two new?”

I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks as we nodded. “Second day on the job, sir.”

He nodded, a small smile on his face. “Your superiors better watch out — I think they’ve got some competition.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Aaron smile at me, so I smiled back. 

“I think we’re just about wrapped up here, but you two can stay and look around if you’d like,” Detective Daniels said. “The coroner is ready to take the body.”

“Of course,” I said. 

“We’ll let you know if we find anything,” Aaron said. 

“Same to you all,” he said with a smile, waiting for the M.E. to get the body out of the room before following behind. 

Once they had left, I started looking around the room for any signs of an ex-boyfriend, but I felt eyes on me. Aaron was staring at me with wide eyes. 

“Are you sure you aren’t a profiler?”

I laughed. “I could ask you the same question.”

“I mean, I audited a few of the classes, but that was impressive.”

“I audited some of them too, the rest was just from studying old cases, I guess. David Rossi’s books too, maybe.”

“Fair point,” he said with a laugh. “You look for any signs of an ex, I’ll look for anything else interesting.”

I nodded, and we began digging through Lila’s belongings. 

–––

I yawned, the only light in the office being cast from Aubrey, Aaron, Everett, and I’s desk lamps and Collins’ office. Michaelson and Cole were working on their arson case, their interview earlier in the day having given them more leads, and Aaron and I were pouring over the information we had gotten from Lila’s apartment, as well as interviews with her family and friends and her records. 

Greg walked out his office, his eyes falling on the four of us. “All of you, go home.”

Our eyes all shot up at him, his voice having shattered the silence. 

“You’ve all been staring at your files for hours, you aren’t going to get anything else out of them tonight,” he said. “Go home, get some sleep, and regroup tomorrow.”

Aubrey and Cole immediately, shutting their files. 

“Leave the files here, Michaelson,” Collins berated as she tried to take them home. Everett snickered while she sat them down. 

“That goes for you two as well, hotshots.” Aaron and I looked up to see him watching us as we stayed seated at our desks. “I got a good word from Detective Daniels on your performance today. Good work, now go home.”

My eyes could barely hold themselves open, so I stood up and slid my coat on. Aaron did the same thing, and the four of us walked down together. Cole and Aubrey parted ways to head to their cars, while Aaron and I walked to the pier to catch the ferry we were both grateful ran most night. 

Aaron made sure I got to my car once we were docked, the both of us having made random conversation the whole ride to try and stay awake. 

“Get some sleep,” he said as I slid into my car. 

“You too,” I said, giving him a stern look.

“What’s that for?” he asked with a chuckle. 

“I can already tell you’re the type of person who doesn’t get much sleep. And unlike Collins and Aubrey, I actually saw you sneak the file off your desk.”

He grumbled. “Fine. I hate that I’ve only known you for two days and you’re always right.”

I grinned and drove home. 

– – –

We worked the Lila Osbourne case hard for the next few weeks, in addition to a few others, and we weren’t making much headway. Not even Collins could think of a new lead, and the Seattle PD detectives had hit a wall too. We interviewed all of Lila’s ex-boyfriends, and they either had alibis that checked out or their DNA didn’t match the foreign DNA that had been recovered at the crime scene; sometimes both. 

Today was Saturday, Greg had instructed us to take the day off, so I spent the day with my sister at the mall. The day was peaceful until around 3:30 in the morning when my phone rang. 

“L/n,” I said as I drowsily answered, the call having woken me from a deep sleep. 

“Y/n, it’s Aaron,” the other voice said. 

I sat up, now fully awake. “Aaron, is everything okay?”

“I need you to meet me at the office.”

“Why?”

“I had a hunch and I was right. I’ll explain when we get there. Collins knows and is already there.”

“Okay,” I agreed, scrambling to change into the gray sweater and jeans I had been wearing while I was out with my sister. 

I raked my hair into a ponytail as I jammed my feet into the black heeled boots I had been wearing, sliding my leather jacket on and grabbing my gun, badge, and phone before running out to my car. 

I arrived at the office, our floor empty of anyone except Collins – I had beaten Aaron here. 

“Where’s your partner?” he asked, wide awake. I guess he hadn’t left the office.

“I don’t know,” I said. “He just called me and told me to meet him here-”

“I’m here!” Aaron’s voice said, it along with the ping from the elevator cutting me off. He entered wearing a green sweater, jeans, and old sneakers – a very different look from his usual attire. His hair wasn’t tamed with product like he usually at least tries to do, so the floppy strands were flying all over the place. What was the most striking difference, was that his dark eyes were framed perfectly by a pair of round, silver glasses. 

“Do you want to tell me what you woke me up for in the middle of the night now?” I asked. 

“I had a hunch about the case, so earlier today I called Grant down in the crime lab and asked him to compare the DNA to Lila’s.”

“Check for what?” I asked. “Do you think her killer might be someone related to her?”

“Well, now I know that,” he said, “the mitochondria is the same, meaning-”

“Meaning they’re siblings,” I finished for him, running a hand through my hair as I finished his thought. “I thought the brother’s alibi checked out?”

“One of them did, Jeffery’s,” he answered. “The other one, Lucas, just got back into town – he was in LA. But, his flight didn’t leave until seven that morning.”

“Giving him just enough time to murder his sister,” I muttered. “What was the motive?”

“The other reason why I called you. Grant also checked his and Lila’s bank activity and found that her account had been emptied of at least $300,000, and then suddenly his was that much richer. If you remember, their other brother, Jeffery, said that Lucas was in major debt.”

“And let me guess,” I grumbled, “Her brother also now has an airline ticker for somewhere internationally?”

“The Maldives,” Aaron answered. “Where, conveniently, the US doesn’t have an extradition treaty.”

Agent Collins looked between the both of us with a similar look on his face that Detective Daniels had had a few weeks ago. “That was impressive. That’s good work, you two.”

I let out a breathy laugh as I could see Aaron’s ears turning red like they had at dinner. 

“How soon does his flight leave?” I asked. 

Aaron looked at his watch. “Two hours.”

“Better get going then,” Collins answered.

My eyes widened and I immediately made sure my gun was in the holster. “Hotch, let’s go.”

I started to make my way to the elevator. “Wait, what did you just call me?”

I turned to see him staring at me in confusion. I took a second to think over my previous words.

“Hotch,” I replied. “Short for Hotchner. I don’t know, it just came out – but we don’t have time to talk about it right now!”

He began to catch up to me, Collins yelling to us as we waited for the elevator he would have Seattle PD meet us there and that he would have airport security hold Osbourne if necessary. 

We sped through the nearly empty roadways to the Seattle-Tacoma airport, running inside one we were parked. 

Once we were inside, we found his flight information and began running to her terminal, backup from local police (including Detective Daniels) not far behind. Our eyes landed on him as he sat calmly in his terminal, and Aaron and I approached. 

“Lucas Osbourne,” I said, making him look up from his book. “You’re under arrest for the murder of your sister, Lila Osbourne.”

He immediately stood up, most likely to run away, but Aaron and I both grabbed an arm and restrained him. I secured his wrists in handcuffs, handing him off to Detective Daniels as he finished reading him his rights. It was their case since all we had done was consult and use our resources that Seattle PD just didn’t have.

Aaron looked to me once they were far enough away. He held out a hand for a high five. “Nice work, partner.”

“You too, partner.” I said with a grin. “First case solved.”

“It feels good,” he said. 

I laughed. “Yeah, it does.”

He checked his watch. “Guess we should head back to the office for the paperwork.”

“Yeah, probably,” I said. I felt my stomach rumble. “I vote we stop somewhere and grab breakfast first though. I’m starving.”

He laughed. “Deal.”

As we walked back towards the entrance of the airport, he turned to me. “Oh yeah, nice jacket.”

I hadn’t even realized I was wearing my leather jacket – it was just the one I grabbed.

“Oh,” I said with a laugh as I looked at it. “It was just what was by my door. Real professional, isn’t it?”

He shook his head. “I like it.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “You do?”

He nodded. “Yeah! I think it suits you more than those suits you wear to work, and Collins won’t care.”

“I guess I was just trying to make a good impression,” I said. I looked down at my outfit. “I do like wearing this sort of thing more though.”

“Then do it,” he said simply.

“Maybe you’re right,” I answered. I’d have to think about that. 

“Okay, but if we’re going to talk about good looks, we need to talk about those glasses.”

He groaned, and the fact he was embarrassed made me giggle. “They’re night glasses. My vision is worse at night, although the optometrist says I should wear them when I read too. I hate wearing them and I look stupid when I do, so I don’t.”

“I think they look good,” I said, echoing his early sentiments about my jacket.

He turned to me, eyebrows raised. “You do?”

I nodded, a grin on my lips. “Yeah. I do.”

We stayed at the office all day, using the time after we completed our paperwork to tie up a few loose ends on a couple of other cases. Around five, we called it quits and headed to Joe’s for some dinner – we were becoming regulars. Most of the staff knew us by now and often sat us at the same corner booth. Aaron had offered to drive us both. 

“It’s been a long day,” he’d said. “Your car will still be at the office tomorrow

We ate and talked until we couldn’t anymore, although there wasn’t much we hadn’t talked about already. Aaron and I had started hanging out together on the weekends or when we weren’t at work, and he was quickly becoming my closest friend. Once we couldn’t stay awake any longer, he drove me back to our neighborhood. I had found out a few weeks ago that his house wasn’t all that far from mine, so sometimes when I got bored I would walk to his house. 

“Goodnight, Hotch,” I said, trying out the new nickname again. He smiled, and I knew that I wanted it to stick.

“Goodnight, Y/n. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I waved and headed inside, noticing how he didn’t pull out of my driveway until I was safely inside with the door locked.


	4. Haley

_“One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love.” -Elizabeth Aston_

– – – –

A fizzing sound came from the desk next to me, and suddenly an object shot up into the air. A few eyes flew in our direction, but then turned back to their conversations and paperwork. Aaron caught the airborne object as it fell back to the ground, sitting it back on his desk. 

“Hotch, what are you doing?” I asked, watching as my partner had his tongue sticking from the corner of his mouth as he poured something into a cylindrical object. 

He looked up at me with a mischievous grin. “Making magic.”

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued – it was a slow day in the office. “What kind of magic?”

He motioned for me to come over to his desk without looking up from what he was doing. His desk was littered with alka seltzer tablets and water droplets. 

“It’s a chemistry trick I learned in high school,” he said. “They’re rockets.”

“How do you make them?” I asked, getting up from my chair and going over to his desk to watch over his shoulder. 

“Well, you take a film canister,” he said, holding up the black cylinder. I nodded as he kept going. 

“And then you break up an alka seltzer tablet,” he said, breaking it into smaller pieces and placing them on the bottom of the container. We were nearly cheek to cheek now as I stood from the chair to watch more closely. 

“Squirt some water into it,” he muttered as he took a syringe, pushing the plunger down to fill it with water from the cup on his desk. He squirted the water into the film canister, then sat the lid on it and flipped it upside down. 

“And then we wait,” he said with a grin. 

After a few seconds, the fizzing got louder, until the canister launched into the air. The trajectory went at an angle instead of straight up, right as Cole came walking back towards his desk. You could tell it was a slow day because he had shed his vest and coat, but the tie remained. The rocket hit him straight in the forehead. 

“Ahh!” He said, pressing a hand to the growing red mark on the front of his head. I tried to hide my giggle behind a poorly executed cough. 

“Really, Hotchner?” He asked, even though we could all tell he was slightly amused. Aaron opened his mouth to respond, but Aubrey cut him off. 

“Oh please, Everett. Don’t act like you haven’t done something this week to deserve a good hit in the head.”

Now I did laugh, and so did Aaron. 

“Get back to work,” Cole said lightly, who had taken to jokingly bossing us around since he had seniority. 

I sat back down in my chair, trying to refocus on the paperwork I needed to be doing. A few minutes later, a looming shadow appeared at my side. I looked up to see Everett.

“Hey, Everett,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” He asked. 

“You want to go out with me?” I asked, trying to hide my laugh. He’d been flirting with me since I got here, but I never expected him to actually ask me out on a date. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I think you’re a great girl and I really like you.”

“I can’t,” I replied, trying to let him down easy. I wasn’t interested in Cole as anything more than a friend. I thought of the first lie I could think of. “‘I’m seeing someone.”

I could see Aaron’s head snap in my direction at my words - he knew that was a lie. I tried to avoid looking at him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face. 

“You are?” Cole asked with a raised brow. “Who is it?”

“Yeah,” Aaron asked, and I had to press my tongue against my cheek to keep a straight face. The smirk on his lips was evident in his tone. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“His name is Aidan,” I said quickly, using the name of my high school crush. “I’ve been dating him for a few months now.”

“How’d you meet?” Aubrey asked. I knew she was probably trying to help get Everett off my back, like she had been since I got here nearly four months ago now, but she didn’t realize she was making my lie bigger and bigger.

“We met in college at University of Washington. We had a few classes together and he was always a nice guy. We reconnected when I came back from the academy.”

“Huh,” Everett said. “Well, good for him. If anything happens, I’ll be here.”

I rolled my eyes as Cole walked back to his desk. 

“Cole, if I had started making you put money in a jar every time you did or said something so sleazy, I would have just made a killing off of you just now,” Aubrey said. 

“Yeah, well, I’m glad you elected not to do that.”

We fell into the mindless rhythm of doing paperwork, and I couldn’t ignore the rumbling in my stomach as lunchtime neared.

“Hey, Hotchner. L/n,” Aubrey said. “You guys want lunch? Cole and I are going in on pizzas.”

Perfect timing. “Absolutely.”

“Definitely,” Aaron said. 

I grabbed my wallet and pulled out my share, relaying my topping requests. However, as Aaron began to relay his, I wasn’t listening. I was paying attention to his wallet as he opened it. There was a small photo of a smiling woman inside. She looked vaguely familiar, but I didn’t know why.

Aubrey went to call in the order we got back to our mindless paperwork and housekeeping activities. Soon after, I watched Aaron’s eyes fall onto one of the few framed photos on his desk. It was the one I caught him gazing at often – the photo of a pretty, young blonde woman. I realized it was because it was the same woman I had seen in the photo in Aaron’s wallet. Once I had that realization, I also realized that she was in a couple photos at his house. He looked so happy in some of them, and I wondered who she was. He’d caught me looking at the photos a few times, but he’d never told me who she was.

–––

“So, who’s Aidan?” Aaron asked. The two of us were leaning against the railing of the ferry, staring out into the dark waters as the clear sky was decorated with thousands of stars. Despite the awkward interaction from earlier, Cole and Michaelson had asked us to join them for dinner, so we were much later getting on the ferry home than usual.

“A figment of my imagination,” I said flatly. 

Aaron laughed, a sound that I had grown to love since we started working together. “So it was just a lie?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I was just trying to get Everett to leave me alone.”

“Not your type?” He asked. I gave him a pointed look, making him laugh again.

“So, what’s Aidan like?”

I frowned, looking over at him. “What?”

“If Aidan is someone you made up, then he must be your dream significant other,” Hotch said simply. “So what’s he like?”

I scrunched my brows in thought. 

“Well, to start off,” I said. “The name Aidan wasn’t made up – Aidan Connelson was my high school crush.”

Aaron laughed. “So, Aidan would be someone very kind, very gentle. Someone smart, funny, and a good listener. Protective, but willing to give me space when I need it. Someone who is a big romantic, and big softie, even if they don’t always show it.” For some reason, this made Aaron chuckle. I did too, and kept going. 

“But I guess, most of all they’re just someone who’s always willing to support me, someone who keeps me going. They’d be someone who would love me no matter what.”

He took in everything I had said, nodding slowly. “You’ve thought about that before.”

“Everyday since I was 13.”

Our joined laughter cut through the stillness of the night, the watertaxi edging slowly through the water. 

“Aaron,” I asked, pausing for a moment. His eyes watched me carefully, encouraging me to ask the question. 

“What is it?” He asked. 

I wanted to ask about the girl in the photo. Who she was, who she had been, what she meant to him, what had happened. 

I decided not to ask. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about-”

“Y/n,” he said sternly, in the voice that told me to tell him what I was thinking. “Just ask. You just spilled your guts to me about your perfect guy. Believe me, there are very few questions I won’t answer now, and there isn’t much you don’t already know anyway.

“Who’s the girl in the photo on your desk?’

He sighed. “Her name is Haley.”

“Who is she?” I asked quietly. I watched him as he stared out at the Seattle skyline, little squares of light in every building. 

“She was my girlfriend.”

“What happened to her, if you don’t mind my asking.”

“She broke up with me when I got into the academy,” he said, looking down directly into the water. “She never liked the idea of me being in the FBI, and when I got accepted and told her I was going she ended it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “If it makes you feel better, you deserve better.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, well, even if that is true, I’m still not over it.”

I nodded. “That makes sense.”

The sloshing of the water against the boat was all that could be heard for a few moments. “How did you guys get together?”

For some reason, I was curious. Maybe it was in an effort to learn more about him, although like he said, there wasn’t much I didn’t know about Aaron at this point. He wore the same thing to work everyday, he ordered the same thing nearly every time we were at Joe’s, he had an order in which he did his paperwork. He was my best friend at this point. I spent more time with him than I did anyone else. 

“We met in high school,” he said. 

“High school sweethearts,” I said with a smile. He nodded. 

“I saw her at a drama club rehearsal one time, and it was love at first sight,” he said. “I did everything I could to get into the fall production that year. I ended up as Pirate #3 in _The Pirates of Penzance.”_

“Tell me you’re kidding,” I said with a laugh. 

“No, I’m not,” he said with a chuckle. “I was terrible, and they begged me never to audition again, but I got the girl.”

“Can I ask why you keep photos of her up?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t shut down on me. “I’ve seen the ones on your desk, and I think I’ve seen some at your house too.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly. I don’t think anything is going to change at this point, but I guess I just keep hoping that maybe…”

His voice trailed off, but he didn’t need to say anything else. Somehow, I knew what he meant. 

A sadness hung in the air. I looked up at him, his face stoic. It was what he did whenever he was putting walls back up. 

I decided to try and lighten the mood. “So, you keep a photo of your ex in your wallet and on your desk even though you’re trying to get over her? Doesn’t sound very effective.”

A smirk came onto his lips, and I was grateful that he noticed my joking tone. “Well, how would you know Ms. ‘I’ve never had a serious relationship?’”

“I like to think that my experience in watching relationships fall apart makes me just as qualified to give advice as having been in one, thank you very much.”

Hotch didn’t answer, and I could tell that he was thinking over what I said. I giggled. “You aren’t saying no.”

“I really hate you sometimes,” he said flatly. I laughed, tilting my head back and looking up at the stars. 

Once I had stopped laughing, and could maintain a serious look on my face, I looked back over at him. “I am sorry.”

He sighed. “Yeah…me too.”


	5. Kidnapping

“We’ve got a kidnapping,” Collins said, coming from his office. Our heads shot up, and he was clearly frazzled. “Her name is Brooke Harrison – a seventeen year old from the Capitol Hill neighborhood. She was yanked into a van last night when she was walking home from work. I’m putting Agents Cole, Michaelson, Hotchner, and L/n on it.”

My eyes flitted between the four of us as Aubrey spoke up. “Is there a ransom?”

Greg nodded. “Five hundred thousand. They called the girl’s parents. I’ve already sent two other agents to their apartment in case they call again.”

“Any suspects?” Hotch asked.

Our superior nodded again. “Her parents suspect her ex-boyfriend, a 21-year-old named Darren Smith. I want Hotchner and L/n to see if they can find him. If you find him, bring him in for an interview. Aaron, Y/n, I’m counting on your profiling skills to help with this case. Michaelson, I want you and Cole to go over and interview the parents. State and city officials already conducted their own interview, but you know how I feel about hearing it from the source. We’ve got 24 hours to find her.”

We all nodded and got to work. We began digging around for any information on the ex-boyfriend, and before Aaron and I left to try and find him we also got permission to head to Brooke’s school to interview some of her friends. 

“So, Darren apparently works at Lewis’ Auto Shop downtown,” Aaron said as he drove the two of us to the location. “Does he have any priors?”

I skimmed his file as I sat in the passenger’s seat. “He has a couple of collars for assault and battery, but he’s never served hard time,” I read. “He only received probation, which he is currently on for swinging a right hook at his boss.”

“Talk about sticking it to the man,” Aaron said, his eyes flitting between me and the road. I rolled my eyes, letting out a small laugh as I kept reading. 

“It also says that he’s had two statutory rape complaints, but both times the charges were dropped.”

“Were any of them kidnapped before they dropped the charges?” Hotch asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he turned to look fully at me instead of the road. 

“I don’t know, but I would feel a lot better if you would, I don’t know, watch the road!”

His head shot back to his windshield, a smirk playing at his lips. “When were the other two cases?”

“One was last summer, and the other just happened in February.”

“I wonder why the charges were dropped,” Hotch mused. 

“I mean, having statutory charges dropped is strange, considered it’s usually parents filing the complaints,” I said. “A girl I knew in high school was dating a twenty year old our junior year and her parents flipped. She swore they never did anything and they still filed charges.”

“Did he get convicted?” 

“Well, he got probation. Everyone was so exhausted by that point that he pled guilty and took a deal.”

“Do you think they did anything?” He asked as the auto shop came into view. 

I shook my head. “I don’t, no. I know her really well and I think she just genuinely really cared about him. She wasn’t really the sleeping around type either.”

“Well,” Hotch said as he put the car in park at the curb. “Apparently her parents say the same thing. But we’re about to find out.”

I nodded in agreement as we stepped out of the car to find Darren.

–––

“Nathan Hale High School,” I announced as we walked up the steps. 

The auto shop had led nowhere, other than to the fact Darren and Brooke had broken up a month ago, there were no hard feelings, and that he had an alibi.

“So, who all are we looking for?” Aaron asked as we entered the front office. 

“Just some of Brooke’s friends,” I said. “Maybe a few of her teachers. I just want to see if they can tell us anything about anyone who might have done this, especially since we have to rule out Darren.”

“Can I help you two?” The receptionist asked.

“Ahh, agents,” a new voice said. We turned to the school principal emerging from the office. “How can I help you all?”

I gave her a polite smile as Aaron and I pulled out our badges. “I’m Special Agent L/n and this is my partner Special Agent Hotchner. We’re with the FBI.” Aaron and I had been promoted a few months ago.

“Ahh, agents,” a new voice said. We turned to the school principal emerging from the office. “How can I help you all?”

“We were wondering if we could interview some of Brooke’s friends,” Aaron said. 

She nodded. “Of course, whatever you need. She usually hangs out with Tommy Moore, Leah Rollins, Tiffany Adams, and Brent Henry. Linda, what class are they in right now?”

After a few clicks of her computer, we had an answer. “They’re all in Mr. Hollins’ pre-calc class. He’s in room 218 on the second floor.”

“Thank you,” Aaron said. The receptionist handed us both visitors passes which we stuck onto our shirts. 

“I’ll make a copy of her file for you all while you’re gone,” the principal said. “Just come back here before you leave to get it. 

I nodded. “That would be great. Thank you all so much.”

The hallways were quiet as he made our way up the large staircase to the second floor. 

“This brings back memories,” I said, the smell of linoleum and floor cleaner flooding my senses and giving me flashbacks to my own high school on the other side of town. 

Aaron grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

I laughed as I paid attention to the numbers on the doors. “Did you not like high school?”

“I didn’t like school _period.”_ He said flatly.

“And yet you went to law school.”

“I know.”

I laughed as we finally found Mr. Hollins’ classroom. He was in the middle of a lecture when we opened the door. 

All eyes shot to us as the door creaked open. There was an awkward silence as the fairly young teacher slid his glasses from his face. “Is there something I can help you all with.”

Aaron and I once again flashed our badges. “We need to speak to Tommy, Tiffany, Leah, and Brent if that’s possible.”

He nodded. “Of course.”

Mr. Hollins looked out into his class, and the four students took that as their cue to get up. They all nervously followed us back down to the office where the principal had offered to lend out her office for the interview. 

Mr. Hollins looked back at Aaron and I as we waited for the kids to exit the room first, and our eyes locked. A chill ran down my spine, but I had no idea why. 

Once we had all four kids in the office with the door shut, I pulled out my badge. “Hi. We’re Agents L/n and Hotchner from the FBI. We’re just here to ask you guys a few questions about Brooke to see if you can help us try and find her. 

“Do you have any leads?” A blonde girl, Tiffany, I think, asked. 

“Maybe,” Aaron said. “We have one so far, but we want to cover all our bases.”

“We just want to see if there’s anything else you guys can give us,” I said, giving them a small smile - they were clearly nervous.

“Are we in trouble?” A tall boy asked. He had dark brown hair, and was wearing a letterman jacket while leaning against the wall. The jacket said he was Tommy.

“Should you be?” Aaron asked with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Not unless you’re involved. Where were you all last night around 10?”

“Tiffany and I were with Brooke,” Leah said. “I tried to stop him but it all happened so fast.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said. 

“What about you two?” Aaron asked, nodding toward Brent and Tommy. 

“I was at home doing homework,” Brent said. “My mom can confirm that.”

“And I was on the bus coming home from the football game,” Tommy said.

I nodded. “Is there anyone any of you can think of that would want to hurt Brooke? Or her family?”

Leah shook her head. “No. Everyone likes Brooke.”

“Her parents aren’t involved in anything shady,” Tommy said. “Her dad’s a lawyer, but he just works civil cases. I don’t think there would be anything there.”

“And her mom is a nurse at Seattle Grace,” Tiffany added. 

“Tiffany, Leah, did you notice anyone watching you all last night?” Aaron asked. 

They both shook their heads. “Not really. We just went to the movies.”

“You guys said you saw her kidnapper.” I said. “Did you see anything distinguishing about him?”

“It could be something like his hair color, a tattoo, a scar,” Hotch said. 

“He was wearing a ski mask,” Leah said. Then she frowned.

“Anything you remember could be helpful,” I said, hoping that would prompt her to tell us what she was thinking. 

“Just…something about him seemed familiar,” she said. 

“She’s right,” Tiffany said, looking between Leah and my partner and I. “We couldn’t see his face or anything, but something about his eyes looked familiar.”

The bell rang in the hallway, signalling classes were changing. Aaron and I looked at each other and nodded. 

“Thank you all for answering our questions. You guys were a lot of help,” I said with a smile. 

The four nodded and walked out of the office. Aaron looked at me, crossing his arms. “What do you think?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think they’re lying, if that’s what you mean,” I said. 

Aaron nodded in agreement and the two of us began to leave the office. “But?”

“I don’t know, Aaron,” I said, lowering my voice as we entered the office. “Something about that teacher, Mr. Hollins, gave me the creeps.”

“You got that too?” He asked. I nodded. 

As in on cue, just as Brooke’s friends were leaving Mr. Hollins himself walked in. Leah looked up at him, and after a moment her eyes widened. She immediately pushed her other three friends to leave the office faster. I noticed, quickly turning in Hotch and I’s visitor badges and thanking the school for their cooperation before leaving. 

As soon as our car doors were shut, I spoke without even turning to Hotch. “He’s involved.”

–––

Less than six hours later Aubrey, Everett and I were standing outside Brandon Hollins’ house, all of our guns trained on him as he held a knife to Brooke’s throat. The three of us had gone to check him out while Aaron interviewed the parents. They emerged shortly on his lawn shortly after. 

“You don’t have to do this, Hollins,” Everett said. “Just let her go.”

“It’s going to make your life a lot easier,” Aubrey said. 

“Why are you doing this?!” Brooke called out through her sobs. 

“Because we belong together!” Hollins yelled, pushing his own gun even closer to her head as we all tightened our grips on ours. “And these people are going to rip us apart!”

A few hours after we got back to the office from Nathan Hale High School, we had found that Mr. Hollins was in the area at the time of the kidnapping, and that he drove a van. A few more interviews and some digging through files later, we realized that Hollins had been fired from his previous job for having a relationship with one of his students. He’d developed an obsession with her, to the point her family had needed a restraining order. 

“Hollins, you’ve got to let her go,” I said. 

“You’re just going to take her from me!” He yelled. “And I won’t let you!”

He made a sudden movement, and without even thinking I squeezed my trigger. He went down, the shot hitting his neck. 

“Call a bus!” Aubrey yelled, she and Cole holstering their guns. She ran to Brooke, who was now in hysterics, and Everett ran to Hollins, who was now bleeding out on the ground. 

I slowly lowered my gun, barely able to move my arms as I stared at the scene unfolding behind me - I had just shot a man. 

Cole placed two fingers on the pulse point of Hollins’ neck. After a moment, he looked up at Collins and shook his head. 

“No,” I muttered, my actions setting in. “No, no, no, no, no.” 

Just then, Aaron and Collin pulled up in another car, having followed shortly after. He saw me, standing rigidly in place as I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened the best I could.

“Y/n,” Aaron said, running over and placing his hand between my shoulder blades. I couldn’t move, and he slowly took my gun from my hands. No one had told him what happened, but it was obvious.

“I…I killed him,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I-I mean I’ve shot p-people before, but n-never-”

“Y/n/n,” Aaron whispered softly, using the nickname he had adopted after I started calling him Hotch and coming to stand in front of me. He sat my gun in the grass and placed his hands on my shoulders - he could tell I was starting to freak out. 

“What you did was absolutely what you were supposed to do,” he said. “He was going to shoot Brooke, and she’s alive because of you.”

“I-I know,” I said, tears beginning to stream down my face as my breath quickened. “But, I just-”

“Y/n,” Aubrey said, running over to me. Once she saw my state, she looked to Aaron. He just nodded, and then she knew. 

“You did exactly what you were trained to do,” she said. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I promise you, you did nothing wrong. Brooke is going home to her family because of yours and Aaron’s work and because you shot the guy.”

I nodded, unable to process anything other than what I had just done, whether it was right or not. 

“Hey,” Aaron said, drawing my attention back to him. “Look at me. Breathe with me.”

I looked deep into Aaron’s warm, brown eyes, matching my breaths to his exaggerated ones. I could feel myself calm down as my heart rate lowered and my breathing slowed. 

“Better?” He asked. I nodded. He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around my shoulders as I laid my head on his bulletproof vest. We both knew it was unprofessional, but it was exactly what I needed right now. Aaron somehow brought me a peace that few people ever have before. I held him as tight as I could, feeling his grip tightening around my shoulders as well as I tried to calm myself even further.

Once we pulled away, I slowly grabbed my gun from the grass and slid it back into my holster. Cole came over to check on me, and Aaron went to see how he could help with anything else. 

–––

“Collins,” Aaron said, walking over to our Special Agent in Charge.

“Aaron,” he said, then noted the look of concern on his face. They both looked over to you and Everett, watching as Cole ran his hand up and down your arm.

“Take her home as soon as we’re done here,” Greg said. Aaron opened his mouth to protest, but he cut him off. “Michaelson and Cole can handle the paperwork on this one. Just, make sure she’s okay. The first one is always the hardest - not that it ever gets any easier - no matter how big of a scumbag the perp is. I’ll start on the paperwork and review tonight, but she did everything by the book.”

Aaron just nodded in response.

–––

“Aaron, why are we on the ferry?” I asked as I pulled my leather jacket tighter around my torso to block out the icy cold breeze (after our little heart-to-heart in the airport months ago, I’d practically lived in the jacket). Even though the sound of the waves was comforting, as was the view of the skyline, I knew there was a reason.

“What do you mean?”

I shot him a pointed look, one that he had come to learn the meaning over well over the last 11 months. “You and I both know that we both drove to the office this morning.”

He sighed. “I just thought it would be good for you, after…everything.”

I didn’t answer for a moment. “I really hate to say that you’re right about something, but I think it’s working.” 

He laughed, something else that made me happy. After that moment, I took to silently staring at the greys and white of the city. 

“Something’s bothering you,” Aaron said after a moment. 

I sighed. It was a question that had been bothering me since this afternoon. “Do you think we’re part of the problem?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, do you think we make psychopaths like Hollins and their crimes worse because we hunt them down and chase them so intensely?”

“I mean, I don’t guess I’ve ever really thought about,” Aaron said thoughtfully. “Before I came to the Bureau, I was only ever at the end of the path to justice. I was just one of the people who made sure the psychopaths went to prison.”

“I mean, you saw that looking in his eyes when we all had our guns pointed at him,” I said. “You could see how much he was enjoying all that adrenaline.”

“Well, I sorta thought that was just insanity in his eyes, but that’s one way to look at it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, punching him in the shoulder. 

“I’m serious!” I said, and a small smile was now on Aaron’s face. 

“I know,” he said. He turned to me, the smile now gone and looked me directly in the eyes. “But if we don’t stop them, who will?”


	6. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Shut up, shut up. You had me at hello.” -Dorothy Boyd_

“Hey, Y/n/n,” I heard Aaron say. It had been nearly a week since the Harrison case, and I was starting to feel more normal again with the help of the office’s shrink that Collins had made me start seeing. 

I looked up to find Aaron standing next to my desk. “What’s up?”

“The first day we met,” he began, which was an interesting way to start, “were you serious when you said you wanted to be a profiler one day?”

I nodded, brows furrowed. “Yeah, why?”

A small smile began to pull at the corners of his lips. “Because they’re going to start holding classes here next month on the weekends, and I was going to sign you up with me if you were interested.”

I nodded, a smile now tugging at my lips. “Count me in.”

He nodded towards Greg’s office. “I was just going to tell Collins’ now, you coming?”

I stood from my desk as we walked towards our superior’s office. Aaron knocked, and seconds later we heard his voice from the inside beckoning us to come inside. 

“L/n, Hotchner,” he said as he sat down his pen. “What can I do for you two?”

“Sir, we were wondering if we could take the profiling classes,” Aaron said. 

Collins smiled. “I’m surprised it took you so long,” he said. “I was going to ask you at the end of the day if you didn’t come and ask about them yourselves.”

I frowned. “You were?”

He nodded. “You two show a lot of potential as profilers, even with the little exposure you have towards the subject. Who would I be if I didn’t suggest you hone that ability?”

Hotch and I looked at each other with small, proud smiles on our faces. “I’ll get you two signed up ASAP.”

“Thank you, sir,” we said in unison as we walked back out to our desks. 

“Well, there’s one more step in The Plan,” Aaron said with a grin. I responded with my own massive grin. 

‘The Plan’ had been something we had come up with a few months ago, sitting in my living room late one night with takeout from Joe’s and Aaron’s silver glasses perched on his nose. 

_“You know, we should make a plan,” he'd said._

_I laughed, tucking my leg under my body so I could turn to look at him. “A plan for what?”_

_“You know,” he said, shifting to face me on the couch as well. “A plan to become profilers together.”_

_I nodded as I thought about the idea - it sounded like a good one._

_“Okay,” I said. “Where do we start?”_

_“Well, we have to take the classes,” he said. “Those usually take about a year, but I feel like you would fly through them.”_

_“Oh, you would too,” I said with a laugh, shoving his shoulder. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”_

_His face and ears flushed at the compliment, as always. I grinned at the response - that never got old, and it never stopped being absolutely adorable._

_“Then what?”_

_“Well,” he said, clearly having thought this out. “Then we would have to try and get jobs in Quantico, preferably at the BAU right off the bat.”_

_“Yeah, like David Rossi and Jason Gideon hire new agents that often,” I said, the sarcasm dripping off my words._

_Aaron ignored me, but I saw him chuckle before he continued. “After that, we would just work our way up.”_

_I looked at him, a little surprised. “You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”_

_He nodded, and he almost looked shy now - embarrassed. “Even while I was a prosecutor it was something that always interested me. Now that I have someone to do it with, it just seems a little more feasible,” he said with a small smile as he looked over at me._

_This time it was my turn to blush. “Well, I’m glad I’m that person for you. You’re that person for me too.”_

_He smiled, turning back to the television screen so we could watch the new episode of Friends._

_I grinned mischievously. “You wouldn’t go to Quantico without me, would you?”_

_My question had been meant as a joke, but by the look on his face I knew Aaron was serious about his answer. “Never.”_

I smiled at the memory, before looking back at Aaron. “Yeah, all part of the plan.”

“Hey, Y/n,” I heard Everett say. 

I turned to him, and I could see a smirk trying not to tug at his lips - that never meant anything good. “What do you want, Cole?”

“Whatever happened between you and the guy you were dating a few months back? What was his name - Allen?”

I could see Aaron turning to hide his laughing; he was lucky he had it so easy in this situation. I swallowed the laugh threatening to escape my lips, while also being thankful ‘Aidan’ had become a running joke between the two of us. “His name was Aidan, and we broke up about a month ago. We just never saw each other.”

“Ahh, that sucks,” Aubrey said, planning along since she knew I had made Aidan up. “But, it comes with the territory of being in the Bureau. That’s why so many agents are either single or married to other agents - people outside the Bureau usually can’t handle relationships with an agent.”

Once Cole wasn’t looking, Aaron and I exchanged a look. We both laughed, his eyes lighting up with amusement as we looked away. 

–––

A knock on my door woke me up. I looked at the clock: 7:45 am. I groaned, swinging my feet out from under the covers and walking through my cold house. In the back of my mind, I remembered I kept my service weapon in the drawer by the front door in case I needed it.

I opened the door to see Aaron standing outside in a thick quarter zip and a puffy jacket. I scowled. “You better have a real good reason to wake me up before ten on our _one day off.”_

He grinned, and I noticed the cup of coffee in his hand from our favorite shop in the neighborhood.. “Trust me, I do. Get dressed.”

I sighed, knowing that arguing was of little use. I motioned for him to come inside to wait, taking a sip of the coffee order Aaron had gotten perfect while I went back into my room, The bone chilling Seattle cold had set in for the winter, so I pulled on one of my thickets sweaters and a pair of jeans. I’d had to start ditching the leather jacket a few weeks ago, instead opting for a black wool peacoat. 

“Are you almost done?” Aaron yelled from the living room right after I spit my toothpaste out into the sink. “We’re going to be late!”

“Late for what?” I called back, already extremely used to the two of us communicating by yelling as I pulled out my bag of makeup. 

“It’s a surprise,” he yelled back. 

“Well, give me five minutes to look like a human.”

“You don’t need any makeup,” he said. The statement made me frown. “You look fine without it!”

I couldn’t help but blush slightly at the statement, but then I stood up straight, starting at myself in the mirror - where did that come from?

For some reason, I did put the small bag of cosmetics back under my sink, closing the cabinet. I pulled half of my hair up to get it out of my face before grabbing my sneakers from my bedroom floor. 

I was hoping on one foot into the living room as I tried to get my shoe on, my coat slung over my shoulder. “Now will you tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p.’

“God, I hate you sometimes, Hotchner,” I said as I pulled on my second shoe. 

He grinned. “I know.”

I rolled my eyes as we walked outside, Aaron opened the car door for me as I slid in on the right side. 

He started driving, and I started flipping through the radio stations until I found the one I liked. We were less than five minutes from the ferry when I heard a song that made me stop on a station.

_Won’t you come see about me? I’ll be alone, dancing, you know it baby._

I had to press my lips together to keep from cracking up with laughter as I stared out the windshield. Aaron looked at me, giving me the glare that he usually reserved for interrogations. “I should have never told you about this song.”

“Oh, come on!” I said, giggling as the song neared the chorus. 

“‘Don’t you,” I sang. “‘Forget about me.’ Oh, come on, Hotch! Forget about your pride for a second!”

He sighed, practically drilling a hole through his windshield, as he sang ‘Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t.”

I grinned as he started singing louder. “‘Don’t you forget about me.”

We both intensified, and were practically yelling by the end of the song. 

“‘Lala la la, lala la la.’”

We were both collapsing in a fit of laughter by the time Aaron parked the car and we got out. 

“T-that was great,” I said as I tried to calm down. “I definitely see why you like that song so much.”

He just laughed and shook his head as we walked over to our usual spot at the railing. 

Once the ferry had docked, Aaron began to lead the way. 

“Where are we going?” I asked. 

Hotch chuckled. “I wouldn’t tell you when you asked five minutes ago, and I’m not going to tell you now.”

I groaned. “Fine.”

I admired all the Seattle Christmas decorations, the holiday falling next week as we navigated the streets. We walked a few more blocks before we stopped in front of a cinema. He stopped, looking at me expectantly. 

“Well?” He said. 

I tilted my head to the side as I looked up at him. “What?”

His face fell. “Don’t tell me you’ve already seen it.”

I frowned. “Seen what?”

He pointed to one of the posters. It was a poster for _Jerry Maguire._ “I remember how much you said you liked Tom Cruise movies, and I heard about this one and thought you’d wanna see it.”

My eyes lit up. “Aaron! This is so sweet! I had totally forgotten about it, thank you.”

He laughed as I gave him a big hug, before walking inside and paying for our tickets. 

–––

“So, what did you think?” Aaron asked as he swirled his french fry in some ketchup. As usual, we had been met with big smiles for the waitstaff at Joe’s. 

I nodded, taking a sip of my soda. “I thought it was pretty good! The perfect balance of a plot and a romance.”

“I agree,” he said. “I thought it was a little long, though.”

“Definitely,” I nodded. “They could have cut a few scenes to make it an even two hours.”

A silence settled as we kept eating, before I asked a question that had been plaguing me for a few weeks since my mom asked about it. “So, what are you doing for Christmas? Are you going home since Collins gave us a few days off?”

He shook his head. “I don’t really have anything planned. I wasn’t planning on going home, so I guess I’m just going to stay in and watch Christmas movies on cable. Cole did invite me out with some of his friends one day, but I don’t think I’ll go.”

“Why don’t you spend Christmas with me?” I asked, almost nervously. 

He looked up at me, his eyes full of questions as I continued. “Really?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! It would be fun and that way you wouldn’t be all alone. No one should be alone.”

He didn’t argue, so I kept going. “My siblings and I always spend the holidays at our mom’s, and she invited you if you didn’t have any plans.”

“I don’t know, Y/n/n,” he began, but I cut him off. 

“Come on, Aaron! It would be fun! And I’ll hate myself if I know you’re all one on Christmas. Please? At least do it for me.”

I stuck out my bottom lip and gave him the puppy dog eyes that I had learned almost always work. Juvenile, maybe, but I really wanted him to agree. 

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Fine, but only because your mom invited me.”

I grinned. “Yay! We can work out the details later.”

“Yeah, yeah.”


	7. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night. We danced around the kitchen in the refrigerator light. Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well.” -Taylor Swift_

“Ho, ho, ho!” Everett said cheekily as he entered the bullpen on December 23rd. I smiled at the fact he had traded his usual matching tie for a burgundy red. 

“Feeling festive, I see?” I said, nodding to his tie.

He grinned. “I mean, today is the office Christmas party; I thought it was appropriate.”

“Yeah, well, it’s nice to see you in something other than black or blue,” Aubrey said with a smirk as she handed him a glass of cider. “And that goes for your face too.”

“Okay,” he said, exasperated, and I had to stifle my giggles. “My face healed a week ago - do we still have to be on this?”

Michaelson opened her mouth to respond but Aaron beat her to it with a deadpanned response: “Yeah, well, that’s what happens when a pretty face like that gets broken.”

Cole was at a loss for words as Aubrey started laughing, but I noticed her cheeks had a pink dusting on them. I turned to Hotch, who had just gotten back.

“Hey! How’d it go?” I asked, smiling softly at his slightly disheveled state. 

Aaron nodded with a small smile. “Good, I think. It was about as easy as you said it would be.”

“Yeah, only because you two spent the last week here staying late with your books,” Aubrey said, but I could tell she was happy for us. 

We had both taken one of the profiling exams. I had taken mine yesterday, and Aaron had just finished. It was the first, but it wouldn’t be the last. He had pulled several all-nighters at our desks to study, and we were glad we had a break for a few days. 

“He didn’t assign anything for this week, did he?” I asked, making sure I hadn’t missed anything. 

Aaron shook his head. “Nope. We’re home free for the first time in weeks.”

I let out a sigh of relief. 

“What is this, your second month of classes?” Everett asked, taking a sip of his drink. 

I nodded. “We’ve got at least six left to go.”

“That’s why I’ve never taken the courses,” he said. “Too much of a time commitment.”

“You’d make a good profiler,” I said, and then I smirked. “You’re always so assertive.”

“I am n-”

Aubrey put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Everett, don’t even try to argue that one. It would be a waste of breath.”

Aaron and I snickered as Everett stopped. 

We all began to mingle with other agents of the office as holiday music played in the background; all the classics like Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. 

“Hey,” a voice called behind me, and I found Everett.

“Hey, Ev,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, but I knew that was a lie. “Just, bored of talking to all these people that I don’t know.”

“I feel the same way,” I said with a laugh. I looked a few feet away and saw Aaron and Aubrey. I smiled at him, and he smiled back - I love that smile.

I noticed we were walking closer, and then the four of us were right in front of each other. We were standing near a window that had a clear view of the city. 

“So, what are everyone’s plans for Christmas?” Cole asked. 

Aubrey swallowed her drink. “I’m going back to Miami for a few days.”

“That’s going to be a rude awakening when you come back,” I said.

“I know,” Michaelson said with a groan. “I’ve already bought all the meds for when I come back to this freezing cold weather and get sick.”

I laughed. “What about you, Cole?”

“Same as Aub,” he said. “Going home to Dallas.”

“I’m staying with my mom,” I said. “All my siblings usually all stay over for a few days. It’s a lot of fun.”

“That sounds nice,” Aubrey said with a smile. We all turned to Hotch. “What about you?”

Aaron’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “I-I’m staying with Y/n and her family.”

Cole’s face now had a smirk. “Oh, you are?”

I rolled my eyes. “Get your head out of the gutter, Cole. We’ve been over this.”

“Yeah, well, just because we’ve been over it doesn’t mean I believe you,” he said as he took a sip of his drink. “I fully believe you two have something on the side.”

“We do not,” Aaron said. 

“Oh yeah?” Everett countered. “Prove it.”

He pointed up at the ceiling, and as we all looked up I realized why they had brought us over here; hanging above our heads was a sprig of mistletoe.

“If you two aren’t dating, then you won’t mind just a little peck for the tradition,” Everett said with a smirk. 

Aaron and I looked at each other hesitantly, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. We both knew that if we didn’t do this, Cole would never let us live it down and the teasing would be even more merciless than before. 

We both shrugged at each other - we were both adults, right? What was wrong with a little peck is it meant getting Everett off our backs. 

We met each other in the middle, our lips meeting. We kissed for a few seconds, not too long and not too short, before pulling away. 

Both of our faces were bright red as we pulled away. Aubrey was giggling and Everett seemed stunned. 

I, on the other hand, had no idea how I felt. I couldn’t stop thinking about how surprisingly soft his lips had been, or how for just a brief second his hand had rested on my waist. I couldn’t stop wondering what that feeling in my chest had been when our lips met - the feeling that was somewhere in between happiness and nerves. 

But most of all, I couldn’t help but wonder why I wanted to do it again. 

_**AARON’S POV** _

Things immediately felt different when I pulled away from Y/n. I suddenly noticed, once again, how bright her eyes were. How soft her hair looked. How her nose always scrunches when she’s embarrassed, just like it is now. 

I had enjoyed those few seconds more than I’d ever care to admit, and I couldn’t help but feel conflicted at the thought. I was supposed to still be in love with Haley, and I was. I was supposed to be trying to think of ways to win her back when I worked my way up to Quantico, and I was. 

There was something about Y/n, that might be slowly pulling me away from that, and that was terrifying to me. This was not in any of the plans I had ever made at all. 

But something even more terrifying than that, was the fact some part of me might be okay with letting her pull me away from my carefully laid plans. 

_**YOUR POV** _

Night had settled outside by the time the party wound down. 

“Hotch, you ready to go?” I asked. 

He nodded. “Whenever you are.”

I smiled. “You have everything you need in my car, right?” He nodded again. 

“Alright, then. Let’s go.”

We said goodbye to our coworkers before heading out to my car. We got inside and drove the few blocks to my mom’s brownstone. 

As soon as I parked, I looked over at Aaron - he looked nervous. “You ready?”

He let out a deep exhale. “I guess so.”

“Hey,” I said gently, reaching over and placing a hand on his shoulder; it involuntarily started rubbing back and forth soothingly. “You have nothing to worry about. You’ve already met my mom, and she loves you. And I know my brothers and their wives will too. Now, come on.”

He mulled over my words for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, okay. Let’s go.” 

I opened my door before Aaron could change his mind. I opened the backdoor and grabbed our bags, but he came over next to me and held his hand out. “I got it.”

He grabbed the bags in my hands, tugging gently. We both smiled at each other as I let go - there had been a lot of soft eye contact and smiles since Everett’s little stunt earlier. 

I walked up the stoop, knocking on the door. Within a few seconds, my older brother Mikey answered the door. 

“Y/n!” He said with a grin, opening the door fully to let me in. He wrapped me in a tight hug before eyeing Aaron. “And who is this?”

I rolled my eyes at the intense glare he was giving him. I couldn’t help but laugh internally at the fact Aaron’s glare would put his to shame, and that right now he was far too intimidated to give it. “Mikey, this is Aaron. He’s my partner at the FBI.”

They both shook hands. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Aaron smiled. “And I about you.”

We went into the living room to greet my mother, along with Mikey’s wife Michelle as well as my other brother, Andrew, and his wife Grace. 

I spent most of the night letting my eyes dart between my siblings and Aaron as they got to know each other. I knew Aaron was still nervous - he was sitting so close to me on the couch I could feel him tense occasionally, but as the night wore on that slowly stopped. As expected, they loved him. 

“Alright, I’m beat,” Andrew said after a while, the fire in the fireplace having long dwindled out. 

Grace yawned and nodded in agreement. “I think we’re going to call it a night.”

“Us too,” Michelle said, patting Mikey’s knee. 

“Goodnight,” we all murmured to each other. My mom followed them upstairs to make sure they had everything they needed. 

Aaron looked down at me. “You tired yet?”

I shrugged, and I let my head drop to his shoulder, looking up at him through my lashes. “Maybe.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, well, if you’re tired get up now. I can pack you into your house when you fall asleep in my car, but I don’t know if I can make it up the stairs. I’d really rather not drop you.”

I laughed. “We’d be okay.”

He shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. “Come on, let’s go to bed. Besides, you have to show me where my room is.”

Aaron and I stood up and trudged up the stairs. I pointed out the room next to mine. “Here’s your home for the next few days. Mom brought your stuff up earlier.”

He nodded as he walked over and began digging through his duffle bag. I leaned against the doorframe and watched him with a small smile. “So, how do you like everyone?”

He nodded, a small yet tired smile tugging at his lips now. “They’re great. I can see where you got all your personality from.”

I smirked. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.”

He laughed. “I still think Mikey wants to kill me though.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please. He acts that way towards any guy I bring home. One of my best friends in high school was a guy and it took him years to warm up to him. It’s just an older brother thing - he’ll come around, eventually.”

“I hope so,” Aaron said. “Because I feel like if I say one wrong think I’m going to get killed.”

“Well, he does know where you sleep,” I said dryly. 

He glared at me. 

I smirked. “Ahh, there it is! There’s the glare I was waiting for you to give Mikey earlier!”

“Go to sleep, L/n,” he deadpanned. 

I laughed. “Goodnight, Aaron. Let me know if you need anything. Bathroom is down the hall, last room on the right. And I’m right next door.”

He nodded. “Night, Y/n.”

–––

As I expected, I couldn’t sleep. I think it was a habit from my childhood to not be able to sleep on the nights before Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And, as like a habit I had adopted in my high school years, I decided to get up and creep downstairs. I padded carefully down into the kitchen, the dim light above the stove giving me enough light to start digging through the cabinets and refrigerator. The digital clock on the stove read _1:30 am._ I pulled out everything I needed; butter, sugar, eggs, chocolate chips. I preheated the oven, knowing the recipe by heart as I flipped on the radio. I turned it to Seattle’s 24/7 Christmas radio station, keeping the volume just soft enough that I could hear it and not wake up anyone else. 

I had just poured all the in ingredients for chocolate chip cookies when I heard another set of footsteps padding down the stairs. I kept my eyes trained on the stairs as Aaron’s figure entered the kitchen. As he had started to more consistently, he had on his glasses, along with a pair of flannel pajama pants on an old henley. 

His eyes scanned the kitchen, falling on me as I ate chocolate chips from the bag. He looked at him, his eyebrow raised. “What are you doing?”

“Baking cookies,” I said matter of factly once I had swallowed the handful of chocolate chips in my mouth. 

“At one in the morning?”

I nodded, like it was completely normal. “Yeah.”

Hotch still looked confused, so I spoke again. “Wanna help?”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

I grinned as he walked over to the kitchen island where I stood. 

“Stir,” I instructed, pushing the bowl over to him as I grabbed cookie sheets and the can of cooking spray. 

Hotch began stirring the bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough as I began to make the sugar cookie dough. From the corner of my eyes, I could just barely see Aaron grabbing a handful of flour, his eyes trained on me. 

“Hotchner, don’t even think about it.”

I could see his eyes widening. “What do you, have eyes in the back of your head or something?”

I smirked, looking up at him. “Maybe. I have to with brothers. Everett also intensifies it.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough.”

After a while, the cookies were slid into the oven. “So, why do I get the feeling this isn’t the first time that you’ve made cookies in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve.”

I let out a breathy laugh. “That’s because it isn’t. I did it once in high school when I was having an insomnia spell, and everyone loved it so I kept doing it. I have a childlike excitement during Christmas, so I usually have a hard time sleeping anyway. Everyone calls them my Midnight Christmas Cookies.” 

Aaron laughed. The radio station soon began to play Silver Bells.

I began humming along softly with the sounds of Dean Martin as I dug around for ingredients that I could use in other cookies. I was standing on my toes to grab bags of oats and raisins when I felt a pair of hands on my waist spin me around. 

I squealed as my chest was now pressed against Aaron’s. I giggled. “What are you doing?”

“Dance with me.”

Although I was slightly confused as to what brought this on, I slid my hand into his. He led me around the kitchen, our steps becoming slower and smaller as the song progressed. After a while, I laid my head on his chest, feeling him tuck me under his chin. It felt strange, being this physically close to Aaron, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t enjoying it. 

The song ended much sooner than I would have liked, and I slowly moved from Aaron’s chest. As I looked up, his face was just inches from mine, his breath fanning across my face. 

We both looked at each other for a moment, both of us not doubt thinking of what had happened earlier at the office. The only difference between our thoughts, was that I was nearly positive he wasn’t thinking that he maybe wanted to kiss me again.

Or, maybe he was. We both slowly began to lean in, his lips brushing mine. Before anything else could happen, the oven timer rang out into the kitchen. 

I sighed, letting my eyes close in disappointment as I slowly pulled from his embrace. I pulled out the trays of warm cookies, checking to make sure they were done before allowing them to cool. Aaron’s eyes followed me as I wondered what had just happened. 

“I think I’m going to go back to bed,” he said after a moment. “Midnight Cookies have been exhausting.”

I laughed. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Night,” he replied. 

Before he went upstairs, he ran over and grabbed a fresh cookie from the baking sheet. 

I swatted his hand. “Aaron!”

He laughed as he popped it into his mouth, running as quietly as he could back up the stairs before I could smack him with the towel in my hands, and suddenly things were back to normal. 

I had no idea what had happened a few minutes before, or what had happened at the party earlier, for that matter. The only thing I knew was, we both needed to forget that either had ever happened. 

–––

I excused myself from the living room, where around a dozen other family members had come over for our annual Christmas Eve dinner. My mom smiled as she saw me; she was standing at the kitchen island waiting on the last few sides to come out of the oven. 

“You’re leaving Aaron to fend for himself?” She asked, amused. 

I let out a breathy laugh. “He’ll be fine for a few minutes. I needed a break.”

A comfortable silence fell between us as I sat on one of the barstools. I knew that Grace had been helping her, and I wondered where she was.

The large group of family members weren’t the only thing I needed a break from. Ever since the office party, Aaron had been acting differently. There had been lingering touches, stolen glances, soft smiles from across the room. The feelings I had begun to notice that revolved around Aaron, the feelings I had ignored and pushed aside, were slowly becoming more prevalent in my brain than I would have liked them too. One side of my brain was sent into a fit of warning bells, while the other couldn’t stop thinking about how great it could be. But, as always, I began trying to compartmentalize those thoughts and feelings into the back of my brain, but I couldn’t ignore the tingling I felt in my lips anytime I thought back to the office party.

“So,” she said. “When did you and Aaron start dating?”

So much for that. 

I opened my mouth to respond, but another voice cut me off. 

“Oh, so I was right?” I looked to see Grace emerging from the dining room with some of the china Mom would need to serve dinner- there she was. 

I rolled my eyes. “No, no, neither of you are right. Aaron and I are not dating.”

“Oh, please,” my mom said with a smirk. “I’ve seen the way you two act around each other, you can’t tell me there isn’t something there.”

“No, mom, there isn’t. We’re just friends and partners. That’s all,” I said, even though I felt like I was beginning to think that maybe I wished that wasn’t true. 

“And I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Grace said with a small smile. “That’s not just a friend thing.”

I didn’t answer, I just looked down at my hands. My mother noticed. “Grace, dear, can you do me favor and set the table?”

My sister-in-law got the message, giving me a knowing smile before she left the room. 

“Alright, spill it, sister,” my mom said. 

I sighed. “I don’t know, mom. I really care for Aaron, but…”

“But what?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s just a side effect of spending so much time with him. Just a little crush that will blow over, even though, I mean, he is pretty perfect.”

My mother eyed me, noticing that I refused to meet her eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”

I weighed my options, letting out a deep exhale. “I…we may have kissed yesterday.”

Her eyebrows raised and she began to lean on her elbows next to me on the kitchen island. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly, unable to stop the small laugh that escaped my lips. “It was a joke between us and a couple of our friends - mistletoe.”

“Ahh,” my mom said with a smile. “Mistletoe: the holiday blessing and curse.”

“That it is,” I said with a laugh. 

“There’s something else you aren’t telling me.”

“I hate how well you can read me,” I said dryly. “We may have almost kissed again last night.”

“Almost?” She asked. 

“He came down here last night while I was making my Midnight Cookies,” I said. “We both leaned in, and we would have kissed again if the oven timer hadn’t gone off.”

“So, what now?” She asked softly after a moment. 

I shrugged. “No idea. It’s a terrible idea for agents to date, and he’s still hung up on his ex. The first kiss was just a joke, but I’m not sure what was happening last night. Besides, we’re both trying to get through these profiling classes and claw our way to the BAU, so we don’t exactly have time for a relationship.”

“I’ll be honest,” she said. “I know what a bad idea it would be for you two to date, especially right now, but I think you guys would be good for each other eventually. Even if he’s still not over his ex-girlfriend now, I think he could be the ‘one’ one day.”

I felt my cheeks flush. “Yeah, well, it’s definitely not that easy.”

My mom shrugged, handing me a potholder so that I could help her take food into the dining room. “Well, dear, love never is.”


	8. Profilers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Strong men, men who are truly role models, don’t need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful.” -Michelle Obama_

After those few intimate moments shared on the 23rd, Aaron and I went completely back to normal. We never spoke about the kiss or almost kiss. Meanwhile I kept trying to figure out and sort through why I kept thinking about both incidences, actively avoiding the most obvious conclusion - especially after I talked to my mom about it.

I smiled at one of the framed photos on my desk, having taken a few cues from my best friend over the last several months and added a few to my desks. It was a photo my mom had taken of us during Christmas. We were standing in front of the Christmas tree in the living room, both of us smiling and laughing at the camera as his arm was around my shoulders and mine around his waist. I couldn’t even remember what we had been laughing over, but we both looked very happy. The photo had gotten several remarks from Everett, among others, but I loved it. 

Aaron’s silver frames glinted in the soft light of our desk lamps as he sat back down at his desk. He handed me a cup of coffee from our favorite all night cafe, something we had been taking turns doing during our late night study sessions. 

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, taking the warm cup from his hands. He answered with a small smile, before sitting back down at his desk. The only sounds that filled the room were the sound of pages turning and pen scratches as we wrote pages of notes for our profiling classes. We were both a few months ahead already, and we were doing everything we could to keep it that way. 

I let my eyes linger on Hotch’s desk for a moment, looking at his own photos. My eyes narrowed at some of the frames, noticing that some of the photos had changed. Instead of four of the five being of Haley, or him and Haley, only one was of her. The family photo, I’d come to believe was only there for good looks, was still there, but more of them were of us. At an Bureau dinner, another photo from my house at Christmas, and one that I hadn’t seen before that looked like it was from a hike we had taken before the weather turned cold. 

Hotch’s voice broke the silence after a moment. “It’s past midnight.”

I looked up at him, confused. “Okay. What’s so important about that? We’ve stayed here way later than this before.”

“But it means something this time,” he answered with a smile. “It’s midnight on January 15th, do you know what that means?”

I thought about it for a second, and then shook my head. “No, what?”

“We’ve been partners for a year.”

The pieces clicked once Aaron said that - he was right. Our first day was a year ago today. 

“Well, then,” I said, looking at him with a smile. “Happy one-year anniversary, Aaron.”

“Happy anniversary, Y/n.”

–––

“Really?” I asked Collins, feeling nerves and excitement start to bubble in my chest. 

He nodded. “Yep. It’s not that I don’t think you and Aaron can handle the serial robbery cases on your own, but I think fresh eyes would be helpful, and it can give the two of you a good foot in. They should be here by the end of the day, so you and your partner better get ready to make a good impression.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yes, sir.”

Once Greg had gotten into the elevator and the doors were shut, I ran back over to Aaron and the others. They all shared looks of surprise and confusion as I ran over to them. 

“Aaron!” I said excitedly. “Guess what?”

He frowned, but I could see amusement twinkling in his eyes - I had learned to read his eyes very well over the last year and change. “What?”

“Agent Rossi and Agent Gideon are coming,” I said. 

His eyes widened in response, and even Aubrey and Everett seemed surprised. “They are?”

I nodded. “They’re coming to help with our serial burglary and murder case. Collins said they should be here any minute.”

“You two better get on your game,” Cole said. “This is your chance to get an in with the BAU.”

“Oh, come on, those two are always one their game,” Michaelson answered with a grin. “The way they finish each other’s sentences alone is reason enough for Rossi and Gideon to be convinced they should hire them.”

“Yeah, well, we may need to give them more of a reason than that,” I said with a laugh. “I’m going to look over the case files again, try to make sure I know everything I can.”

Aaron nodded, and I knew he was about to do the same thing. Cole and Michaelson said they were going to work on one of their cases, and Hotch and I sat down at my desks to begin pouring over the files of our serial robbery/homicide case that the media had coined the Emerald City Robbers.

“Do you realize that this could be the start of the plan?” I said quietly, my voice laced with disbelief. 

“It could,” he said with a small smile. “Now, we just have to do something to stick inside the heads of two of the smartest men in the Bureau.”

“No pressure, right?” I huffed playfully. 

–––

“Get your heads together, dynamic duo,” Aubrey’s voice said. Aaron and I both pulled our eyes away from our files to watch her as she walked back from the elevators. “The profilers are here.”

Aaron and I looked at each other, his eyes telling me to take a deep breath while I knew my eyes were telling him the same thing. After a moment, both of us having calmed down, we stood up. We took turns watching the elevator, trying to make sure it didn’t look like we were staring down the elevators. 

They pinged, signalling an arrival, and I could feel my stomach drop as the doors slid open to reveal David Rossi and Jason Gideon. One man who’s books I devoured, and the other who’s reputation preceded him. 

I let out a deep exhale, watching as Collins spoke to the two men as they made their way over to us. 

“Agent Gideon, Agent Rossi, these are my agents assigned to this case: Special Agents L/n and Hotchner,” Collins said, introducing us. “They are incredibly talented agents with promising futures. If you need anything at all, anyone in this office will be happy to help you.”

Rossi nodded with a smile. “Thank you so much.”

Greg nodded, giving both Aaron and I reassuring smiles as he walked back to his office. 

“We’re glad you guys are here - we could use some fresh eyes,” I said, trying to hide my nervousness while speaking to the two veteran agents. “I’m Agent L/n, and this is my partner Agent Hotchner.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Rossi said as he held out his hand, shaking both of ours. Gideon stayed back behind him.

“What have you got?” Gideon asked, getting right to it. 

“We’ve got a case of serial robberies and homicides,” I said, making sure I didn’t call the cases by their media name. “Their first robbery was just that - only a robbery. The house was empty and there weren’t any murders.”

“When they struck again, two days later, they hit a corner convenience store and killed the cashier,” Aaron said. 

“Yesterday was the third attack, and they hit a small, luxury boutique downtown and killed the cashier and the manager,” I said. 

“We think they might be working up to a bank job,” Aaron said.

“Either way,” I said, finishing our rundown. “There’s definitely going to be more casualties if we don’t find them soon.”

“If only the second two hits have casualties, then how can you connect them?” Rossi asked. 

“Because, since the first house was empty we were able to talk to the homeowners and ask what was taken, and they reported several pieces of jewelry,” I explained. “The unsubs left one of the reported necklaces at the convenience store.”

“And, they left another necklace at the boutique.”

“Do you two have a profile?” Gideon asked.

Aaron and I looked at each other for a moment, before I spoke. “Um, not exactly.”

“What Y/n means is that we audited a few classes at the academy last year, and we’re only about halfway through the courses, so it’s just a rough outline,” Hotch said. 

“What did you find?” Rossi asked, and he shot me a warm smile. I smiled back. 

“They get off on the adrenaline,” I said. “Young, males, no older than late twenties.”

“Wait,” Gideon said. “Males? Plural?”

Aaron and I nodded. “We’ve profiled there are likely at least two unsubs,” he said. “Hotch and I both think there’s a high probability of more than two.”

“A team?” Gideon asked as we moved over to our evidence boards.

“They would have to be in it together,” I said. 

“Because they’re too organized to not have some form of leadership,” Dave said in agreement. 

Greg came over to the four of us, cell phone in hand. “There’s been another robbery.”

My eyes widened. “They’re escalating.”

“Where?” Aaron asked. 

“The Hilton hotel on Broadway.”

“How many victims this time?” Rossi asked. 

Collins sighed. “Three.” I looked up at Aaron, biting my lower lip. 

“We better get going,” Aaron said. The two men nodded, and we grabbed our coats and headed out into one of the black SUVs to the new crime scene. 

–––

“So, they’re clearly escalating and spiraling if they’ve killed one of their own,” I said thoughtfully, pacing the floor conference room we were now set up in. Coffee was running through all our veins as we began what would likely be an all-nighter to try and find a new lead before the struck again. I’d pulled my hair up messily into a clip, it having become a disaster after I’d run my fingers through it a few too many times. 

Upon visiting the latest crime scene, we had found one of the victims had to be a member of the group of unsubs. We had found ‘traitor’ carved into his arm, and we had been trying to figure out what that meant. 

“There’s got to be something in the arm carving,” Aaron said as he paced similarly to me on the other side of the room. 

“What if it’s gang related?” I asked suddenly. The three men looked at me. 

“I thought you all ruled in the beginning that there wasn’t any involvement?” Rossi asked. 

“We did, but that was from known local gangs,” Hotch said, and I could see that he was beginning to piece together my thoughts. 

“Exactly,” I said. “‘Traitor’ indicates that Scott did something against a group of people, obviously. We know there are multiple unsubs, and it stands to reason that the ritualistic increase in kills is some form of an initiation. They kill to be initiated in the gang, and if psychopaths attract other psychopaths, so they probably all enjoy the thrill of the kill. It might even be possible that to stay in the gang, they keep killing. The crime scenes, especially in the Robertson’s house, show signs of inexperience and disorganization. It complies with the age range in the profile. So, it seems like it could be a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies leading and trying to form a gang.”

Aaron looked at me with a proud smile and Gideon and Rossi mulled over what I said. 

“I don’t think that’s it,” Gideon said, and I felt my stomach drop. I looked down at the ground, trying my hardest to fight back the tears I could feel brimming in my eyes. I wasn’t usually so emotional, and especially not because someone was being so blunt, but I just couldn’t seem to make any headway with Gideon. I knew that could ruin my chances. 

“I don’t know, Jason,” Rossi said suddenly. I looked up at him, trying to hide my hopefulness - I could see that he genuinely thought there was merit to my theory. “I think she might be onto something.”

Gideon looked at Rossi, and I could tell he wasn’t thrilled. He looked at Aaron, then Rossi, and let his eyes just barely flit to me. He looked back at Aaron. “Do you think that’s what might be happening.”

Aaron nodded confidently. “I do, sir. My partner has never steered me wrong.” He gave me a small smile, which I returned. 

“Alright, then I guess we should check it out,” Gideon said with a nod. “But tomorrow. I don’t think they’ll do anything until then and we’ve all been up for too long.”

Gideon nodded, and he stood. He slid his coat on as he left the room. 

“I-I’ll walk you out,” Aaron stammered, running after the profiler. At that moment, I noticed how little Gideon had made eye contact with me. 

I sighed, sitting down in one of the conference room chairs, running a hand through my hair before putting my head in my hands. Rossi slowly came up next to me, sitting down beside me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

“Don’t take it personally,” he said. “Gideon isn’t the most welcoming towards women, especially in the Bureau.”

I huffed a laugh, pushing my hair out of my face. “And you’re different?”

Rossi chuckled. “I have three ex-wives - you do the math.”

I laughed, and Rossi continued. “You seem like a bright young lady. I can see you at the BAU one day.”

I looked at him. “Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do. You and Aaron both, but especially you. You seem to have a lot of empathy that can help with victims, and to get into unsub’s head. I think you could do great things, and you have the drive to do so.”

“And,” he said, as he continued. “You and Aaron work very, very well together. It’s like you two were made for the job - as partners and profilers. I’ve never seen two agents work so well together.”

I smiled, wiping a tear that I had let fall. “Thank you, Agent Rossi.”

“Just call me Rossi,” he said with a smile.


	9. GSW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“A real friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart.” -Gabriel Garcia Marquez_

“Thompson, think this through,” Gideon warned, his weapon trained on the gang’s leader. It was little consolation at this point, but my gang theory had been right. 

“All your officers and members have given up at this point,” Rossi said. “It’s going to be easier for everyone if you come peacefully.”

“They betrayed me!” He yelled, and the spit could be seen flying from his mouth. Something bad was about to happen - I could feel it in the air. I tightened my grip on my gun as I watched his every movement. “They’re dead to me! I’m not them! I won’t give in!”

“Thompson, admit it,” Aaron said. “You’re nothing without the rest of your gang. Just give it up.”

Anger flared in the unsub’s eyes at Hotch’s words, and before any of us could react, he turned his own gun to Aaron and fired. He fell backwards and onto the ground, the unsub having made a lucky shot and hitting his shoulder just beside his vest. Rossi fired his own service weapon at Thompson, injuring him just enough that they were able to take him into custody and then to a hospital.

“Aaron!” I yelled, running over to his limp figure. Blood was beginning to rapidly pour from his wound as I fell to my knees next to him. Gideon ran to the unsub, and Rossi ran over to my partner and I.

“No, no, no,” I muttered as I frantically tried to get his vest off. In hindsight, that had been a bad idea, but I wasn’t thinking straight. Once it was off, I began to apply pressure to his shoulder. Aaron was trying to lose consciousness, but I tried to keep him awake. “Stay with me. Stay with me, Aaron.” The shoulder is a dangerous area to get shot - I knew he’d need surgery, and with this amount of blood, likely soon.

Rossi ripped off his own vest, pulling his suit jacket off shortly after and handing it to me. I pressed it against the wound, and he knelt down next to us. He pressed his own hands over Aaron’s shoulder as well. 

“Hang in there, kiddo,” Rossi said. “You’re going to be okay. The paramedics are on their way.”

“Y-Y/n,” Aaron called out, his voice barely above a whisper. I looked down at him, and for the first time since I had known him I could see true fear reflected in his eyes. I was trying my hardest to bite back my tears as I pushed the hair away from my face. 

Aaron’s fingers flexed from where they rested on his vest - I could hear sirens begin to wail outside. I looked up at Rossi, and both of us knew what he was asking. 

“Alright,” Rossi said. “On three, you’re going to move your hands. Okay?”

I nodded, and he counted to three. Once the countdown had finished, I removed my hands from his shoulder and Rossi started to increase the pressure to make up for the fact I’d stopped applying it. I shuddered at the amount of blood on my hands as I grabbed Hotch’s hand in both of mine. I squeezed. “I’m here. I’m right here. You’re going to be okay.”

The paramedics rushed in just as the tears started to fall down my own cheeks. In a flurry of movement, they loaded him onto a stretcher. Rossi pulled me away gently by the shoulders, both of us watching as they loaded him into an ambulance and drove him to the nearest hospital. 

Tears streamed steadily down my face as rain began to fall outside the warehouse we had begun our takedown in - how appropriate. 

“Are you okay?” Rossi asked me, concern seeping through his voice. 

“I’ll be okay once he’s okay,” I said firmly, trying my best to keep my voice steady while trying to convince myself of my own words. “That…that was a lot of blood.”

“They’re taking him to Seattle Grace,” He said after a moment. “Come on, I’ll drive you there.”

I nodded silently, Rossi keeping his own blood stained hands on my shoulders for steadiness as we walked to one of the dark SUVs for the drive to the hospital.

–––

We sat silently in one of the hospital’s large waiting rooms, the rain pattering on the window panes being just slightly calming. The only time I’d left the chair was to wash the blood from my hands, and only because Agent Rossi made me. Aubrey and Everett came and stayed for the first hour, but they got a lead on one of their cases - they promised to come as soon as they could when he was awake and out of surgery.

I kept running my hands through my hair, having taken down my ponytail just to put it back up more than once at this point just to have something to do with my hands. Aaron had been in surgery for a few hours now; before they took him in the paramedics said his chances looked good. 

Rossi came back back over, carrying two paper cups of watery hospital coffee. I took it, giving him a tired smile. “Thanks.”

He smiled back. 

Rossi looked over at me once he had sat back down in his chair, studying my face for a moment as I stared forward and took small sips of the coffee. “You two are close?’

I nodded, a smile beginning to tug at my lips. “Yeah.” I said with a sniffle, wiping my cheeks of a few stray tears. “Aaron’s basically my best friend.”

That made Rossi smile. “I can tell. You two are like, magnets, or something. You seem to have in-sync minds. Always finishing each other’s sentences, things like that. It takes more than just being good partners to have a connection like that.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess it’s something like that.”

“Is there something more there?” he asked gently. 

I shook my head, even though from at least my side of the relationship that was at least partially a lie. “No, no definitely not. We’re just really close, I guess. Maybe it’s the job, I don’t know. I just know that I have no idea what I’ll do if something happens to him.”

Rossi nodded, and he patted my shoulder comfortingly. “He’ll be okay. I can tell he’s not the type to give up easily.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Oh, god, he’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

Rossi laughed. “I don’t think you’re far behind him on that one.”

A few moments later, the surgeon appeared. The exhaustion radiated off of him as he pulled off his scrub cap. “Are you two here for Agent Hotchner?” 

Agent Rossi and I both nodded, standing up from our seats. 

“I’m Dr. Burke,” the man said in a deep voice. “I just finished up the surgery on Agent Hotchner.”

“How is he, Doctor?” I asked. 

He smiled. “He’s just fine. He lost a lot of blood, and the bullet tore through a muscle. It could have been much worse, but he’ll just need a few weeks of physical therapy. He should make a full recovery and be back out in the field in a few weeks. You can see him whenever you like - he’s upstairs in room 218.”

I smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Dr. Burke.”

He gave us both a curt nod, then headed back in the direction he came, likely for another surgery. 

“You go ahead,” Rossi said. “I’ll call your Special Agent in Charge and let him know Hotchner is going to be okay. I’ll be up in a minute.”

I nodded before finding the nearest elevator. I walked through the hallway, the room numbers zooming past as I moved quickly through the floor to 218. I finally found Aaron’s room, stopping abruptly in the doorway. He looked so weak, so fragile, even though it was just his arm in a sling and a few IVs hooked to his arms. It was so out of character, and I could nearly feel my heart breaking as my eye scanned his body. His eyes had been trained on a corner of the room, but he slowly turned to me in the doorway. 

He gave me a tired smile. “So much for making a good impression.”

I rolled my eyes, a smile pulling at my lips. “Oh please. They loved you, Aaron.”

He scoffed. “They loved you more - you didn’t get shot.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as I lowered myself onto the edge of his hospital bed. “Aren’t you the one who always says that sometimes the best first impressions are the memorable ones, not the good ones? You really think they’re going to forget you got shot?”

That made him laugh, and I smiled before sombering. “Besides, I could tell that Gideon was just waiting for me to stop talking.”

He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said what I said though. I knew that was just going to set him off.”

“But we needed him to break,” I said. “You did the right thing.”

“Except for getting shot,” he deadpanned, and I couldn’t argue with that. 

My eyes softened. “You scared the heck out of me, Aaron. I didn’t know what was going to happen to you.”

“I know,” he said. Aaron’s voice softened and he looked away for a moment. “I know.”

My eyes scanned his face, reading his cues, then spoke softly. “There’s something else that’s bothering you.”

Aaron refused to meet my eyes for a moment, and I could see on the inside he was falling apart. He took a deep breath before looking back at me with glassy eyes. “Y/n/n…I was so scared. So scared. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.”

Tears began to fall down my own cheeks as I lunged forward. I wrapped my arms as tightly around him as I could, caressing the back of this head as he buried his face in my shoulder. I tried to suppress my own tears, to stay strong. I stroked his dark locks as I tried to comfort him. 

“Aaron, you mean so much to me,” I whispered softly to him, my voice wavering as I uttered my most recent revelation - it was a realization I had come to over the last several hours. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice in a near whisper. He wrapped his good arm tighter around my waist. “Me too.”

I had learned by now that Aaron didn’t do well with voicing his emotions, but I knew he felt the same way as I did. I peeled away from the hug after a few minutes, letting him lean back into his pillows. I grabbed his hand between mine again - this time, he squeezed back.


	10. Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“The hardest decisions in life are not between good and bad or right or wrong, but between two goods or two rights.” -Joe Andrew_

I grinned as Hotch walked back into the bullpen from having a new ID photo made. 

“Well, hello there, SSA Hotchner,” I said with a grin.

He mirrored my smile, addressing me by our new titles: “SSA L/n.”

I stood up, laughing gleefully. “Can you believe we’re here?”

Aaron smiled, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a hug. “I can’t.”

It had been just a little more than two years since Aaron and I had become special agents of the FBI, and we had now been officially promoted to Supervisory Special Agents. 

“Hey now,” Everett said, he and Aubrey having now returned. “Don’t act like you two are the only hotshots with the new titles.”

“We _all_ did it,” I said with a smile, looking between the four of us. We had all been promoted, and other than a few new rookies on our floor, everyone was now an SSA.

“One more step on the ladder,” Aubrey said. 

“Do you guys have any plans to celebrate after work?” I asked. 

“I think Cole and I are going to have dinner,” she said. “What about you two?”

“My mom is having my brother and his wife over for dinner for Aaron and I,” I said. As soon as I had told her we were being promoted to SSAs, she insisted on having a dinner to celebrate. 

Everett wagged his eyebrows, as he always did whenever I mentioned Hotch and I doing _anything_ after work together, and as usual I rolled my eyes. While he made fun of the fact Aaron and I seemed like a couple at times, I saw the looks he sent Michaelson, and that kept him from making too big of a fuss. 

“Yeah, well, it’s quitting time,” Aubrey said happily, grabbing her jacket. “Everett, we better go if we want a table.”

He nodded, grabbing his own coat and slinging it over his shoulders and smirked. “You two have fun.”

I rolled my eyes. “You too, Cole. Bye, Aubrey.”

She laughed. “Bye, Y/n/n. Bye, Hotch.”

He bid our two friends goodbye as I pulled my leather jacket on. “Ready to go?” I asked. 

Aaron nodded with a smile, adjusting his suit jacket as we walked out. I could see Greg watching us from his office window, looking perplexed. That couldn’t mean anything good. I didn’t dwell on it, though, and it was forgotten without much trouble.

––––

I laughed at Mikey’s most recent story from his job as a high school teacher, leaning back into the corner of the couch as I had my legs draped across Aaron’s laps; his arm was over the back of the couch. After he had gotten shot last year, the two of us had been even closer. I knew it probably wasn’t the best idea, but I loved how secure I felt with him. 

I loved to sit tucked into his side while we watched reruns or old movies, but there were times I couldn’t help but wish for something more at times. I tried not to dwell on those thoughts for very long, because that was an idea I knew was a bad one. I just enjoyed being near him, working with him, and being his friend, and that was enough for me. 

That being said, the kiss we shared was a good one.

“So, what comes now that you two are Supervisory Special Agents?” Michelle asked as she took a sip of her tea. 

Aaron and I looked at each other, faltering for a moment before we answered. “We’ve both applied to be profilers in Quantico. With the BAU.”

I hadn’t told my mom yet, and I was worried she would be upset. But instead, all three of my family members suddenly appeared excited. 

“This is what you’ve wanted since you were in high school!” Mom said. 

I nodded with a smile, happy that she remembered. “Aaron too.”

“Did you guys apply together?” Mikey asked. 

“There’s two spots open, so we both applied,” I said. Aaron and I had both sent in our applications as soon as our promotions had been finalized today. Rossi had taken an early retirement to focus on his writing career, and another agent had transferred, so they were looking to fill two openings. 

“Do you think you’ll both get them?” Michelle asked, well naturally. 

I shrugged, and Aaron answered. “We hope so, but I don’t think either of us have really thought about what happens if we don’t.”

“Well, when Agents Rossi and Gideon were last January, I think we made a pretty good impression-”

“And by ‘made a pretty good impression,’ she means I got shot,” Aaron said flatly. 

“Yeah, maybe,” I said, looking at him with a smirk. “But my point was I think they realize we work best together. And at least you getting shot was memorable.”

“Well,” my brother said. “If they don’t hire both of you-”

“Or either of you,” Michelle interceded with a smile. 

“They’re making a big mistake,” he said with his own smile. 

I looked up at Aaron with a smile. 

Things were so close to coming true for us, and I just hoped they would. 

––––

_**AARON’S POV** _

“Agent Hotchner,” I heard a voice say behind me. I turned to look - Y/n as well - and saw Agent Collins standing in his doorframe. “Can I see you for a moment?”

I nodded, even though I had no idea what the reason was, and stood up. Y/n shot me a confused look, her eyebrow quirked in the way that always made me laugh. I shrugged, then walked across the bullpen into Greg’s office. 

He looked at me as I tentatively entered his office. “Can you shut the door?”

_This wasn’t good._

I turned back and shut the door. Before it hit the doorframe, I could see my best friend and partner shoot me a reassuring smile, but even I could see the worry in her eyes - I could always see her emotions in her eyes. 

“Is everything alright, sir?” I asked, standing tall in front of his desk. 

Collins nodded, but I could tell he didn’t exactly believe himself. “I have good news and bad news.”

I nodded, and thousands of possibilities began whirring through my head. “Okay - good news first, I think.”

“I heard back from Quantico,” he said. I felt my heart drop - I hadn’t expected this to be the news. It had only been a few weeks. 

My eyes widened. “Y-you did?”

He nodded. “Aaron, you’ve got the job if you want it.”

I couldn’t help it - my jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

Greg nodded, and there was a tight smile on his lips. “Congratulations, Aaron.”

“So,” I said slowly, remembering the other option. “What’s the bad news?”

He sighed, and his eyes instinctually flickered out his window for a moment. 

_No. Please no._

“You’ve got the job…but Y/n doesn’t.”

My heart dropped. She wanted this job as badly as I did, if not more, and more than that we wanted to do it together. I kept trying to put the pieces together in my head - why I was hired and she wasn’t - but nothing made sense. We were both equally qualified for the position. Her criminology and psychology degrees were comparable to my law degrees. Logically, if they had hired me, I was the most qualified person for the position: so why hadn’t Y/n been hired too?

“Why wasn’t L/n hired?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even and professional. Thankfully, I could count on Collins’ knowing I meant the question in a professional standpoint. 

He sighed. “I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it was anything from a qualifications standpoint.”

“I do have one theory,” he confessed with another sigh after a moment, his eyes flickering between his clasped hands and my eyes. “But you aren’t going to like it.”

Anger flared in my chest, and I knew what he meant. It was the same theory that had been brewing in the back of my own mind. We had both seen how Gideon had looked down on her the entire three days they were here - we both knew that had something to do with this. 

I angrily shook my head, not trusting my words in front of my boss. He understood. 

“I’m not saying it’s fair. In fact, it’s the farthest thing from that. I don’t agree with it - if that is in fact the reason why you were hired and she wasn’t.”

I nodded. “This isn’t right.”

“I know,” Agent Collins said. “And I think we would both understand you not taking the position out of loyalty and respect to your partner. But Aaron, if you don’t mind my saying, it’s an incredible opportunity, and one that doesn’t come around often for agents as young as you are.”

I knew he was right, but the rational and emotional side of my brain were currently jumbled. 

He went on. “Hotchner, if you joined now, you would likely have a good shot at unit chief one day, if not even higher. As unfair as it is, especially to Y/n at this moment, the Bureau ladder is as political as anything else. If you don’t take this now, I’m not sure you’ll get another shot.”

I nodded again. Collins was right, and I knew he was. I turned and saw Y/n outside at her desk, laughing at something Everett had said - I knew it had to be him because Aubrey smacked the back of his head right after. Seeing her, someone I had grown closer to than anyone else, someone I cared so deeply for due to reasons I had yet to establish, made me question whether or not I should make the good career decision or the good personal decision. “Can I think about it?”

Greg nodded. “You can probably hold out until tomorrow morning, but I wouldn’t wait out any longer than that.”

“Understood,” I said with a nod, letting my gaze wander back out to my partner. Her eyes lit up with her smile as her hair, having gotten considerably longer since we first met, tumbled over her shoulders and shined in the last hours of sunlight streaming through the windows. I started to walk out - my hand was on the door knob, when Collins spoke again. 

“Aaron, either decision will be a good one.”

I nodded again, still unsure what to say about any of this, and left his office. 

––––

As per our usual after work routine—well, when we got off work at our scheduled time—, I found myself in Y/n’s house. I think I spent more time at her place than I did my own. 

Maybe that was part of my current conflict. 

She called something out to me from her kitchen, where she was making spaghetti, and while I called out a neutral response, I wasn’t sure what she had said. 

I had to make a decision, a big one, and fast. Collins’ words on there not being a bad decision kept ringing in my head, but I knew they were a lie, at least to me. 

If I stayed here, I would miss out on potentially the biggest opportunity of my career. Greg wasn’t lying when he said I may never get another opportunity like this. I knew that. Morally, and out of respect to my partner, I knew I should say no. I knew that I should stick with the person who had supported me through everything these last two years, the person I made a promise to to become profilers together what felt like a lifetime ago.

If I took the job, I would be leaving two of the best friends I’ve ever had, and a third that was somehow more than that. 

I have searched, I have thought, and I have yet to find a word to describe what Y/n is to me. She’s more than just my best friend, but I didn’t know what. She was the one person I could always count on to get me out of my head, to help me feel my feet on the ground. She’s the one person who always knows what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling. Y/n is the one person I can always feel safe with, a fact I had realized while laying on the floor of an abandoned warehouse with a bullethole in my shoulder. 

The thoughts began to come together, like puzzle pieces clicking into place, as I realized what the reason was as to why I cared so deeply for her:

I had feelings for her. Real, romantic feelings. They weren’t intense, and I had no idea how long they had been there, or how they got there, but they were there. 

I let myself indulge in the thought of what a relationship with her could be like. We already worked so well together platonically, I almost knew we would work together romantically. Maybe that was why I always felt calm, almost supernaturally at times, when I looked into her eyes. Maybe that was why I felt my chest swell anytime she smiled, and especially if I was the one who made her smile. 

But then the rational side of my brain took over, as it always did. We were partners. Anything romantic between the two of us would be breaking half a dozen protocols - someone would split us up, and working with her was half the fun in being so close. 

Any kind of romantic relationship between the two of us would jeopardize both our careers, and especially hers. Now that I knew the most likely reason she hadn’t gotten that second BAU opening was because she was a woman, I realized how many more hoops she would have to jump through to move up the ladder. 

I knew that for me, it wouldn’t be a big deal for the two of us to be in a relationship. Most people would probably even think it was natural, given how much time we spent together. But it would be different for her. People would think that she was just with me to better her career, even if we were with each other for the exact same reasons and had the exact same position and clearance. It was all about perspective, and unfortunately the perspectives people would have on each of us individually would be drastically different.

As badly as I didn’t want to, I knew what I needed to do. I couldn’t jeopardize both mine and Y/n careers because I possibly felt attracted to her. I ran a hand through my hair, a feeling of tightness pulling at my chest as I tried to settle into the thought that within a matter of days, maybe even hours, I would be on a plane back to Virginia. My heart ached at the thought of leaving Y/n, but I couldn’t do this to her. 

“Did you hear what I said?”

My head shot up from where I had been holding it in my hands. “What? Sorry, no. What did you say?”

She giggled - one of my favorite sounds. “I said the spaghetti is done,” she said as she put my plate on the coffee table. I couldn’t eat, not now, because I knew I needed to get this over with. 

“Is everything alright with you?” She asked, her voice soft. 

“Yeah,” I said, perhaps a little too quickly. “I’m fine.” I added a small smile with my words for good measure, even though I knew she’d see right through me. 

She frowned. “Are you sure? You’ve seemed upset all night, and that’s not your real smile.”

I huffed a laugh, not having expected anything less of a response. She’d been able to read me like a book since day one, and it was something I loved about her - I never had to spell things out, she just knew. “I’m fine, I just have a headache or something. That’s all.”

I realized that was my way out. 

“Actually,” I said. “I think I’m going to call it an early night, head home and sleep it off. I know we were going to watch the new episode of _Friends_ , but I’m not feeling great.”

She nodded, smiling up at me - she had no idea, and I hated it. “Okay, that’s fine. Just, feel better. Okay?”

I nodded. “I will.”

I wouldn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.

She reached down to grab my plate, either to put into a bowl for me to take home or into her refrigerator, but I gently grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

“Wait,” I said, weighing my options as her eyes scanned my face. 

I could kiss her. I could kiss her right now, right before I leave, just so I would know what it felt like to. Because if I was honest with myself, it was a thought that had crossed my mind before. But I knew that would do more harm than good. Sure, I had kissed her before, but it wasn’t real. Not really. But in the back of my head, there was a voice reminding me of how much I enjoyed it, and reminding me of how badly I’ve wanted to kiss her, really kiss her since then.

I could do nothing, and just leave. Maybe that would be best for both of us. Both I knew that was the least likely option I would pick. 

So, I compromised with myself. 

I let myself wrap my arms tightly around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest. She let out a surprised ‘oof’ and giggled, but soon relaxed into me. She wound her arms around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder. My cheek rested on the top of her head, and I made sure to take in a good breath of her sweet scent; her citrus shampoo, mixed in with her perfume and a smell that could only come from our office.

I committed the smell to memory, knowing that soon it would be all I had. I relished in the fact she fit perfectly into my arms. The way she always laid her head on my shoulder, every single time. The way she always knew when I needed a hug. 

The fact she just _always knew._

I slowly pulled away, although I could have held onto her forever - I knew I couldn’t do that. I scanned over her face, trying to burn this moment into my mind. This was the last moment I would know, likely for a while, that she wasn’t mad at me. 

Because I knew her, and I knew that she would likely be mad over my decision. And I would be okay with that, because I knew I was doing what was best for both of us. 

I held her face gently in my hands, even though I could tell she was confused. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to her forehead. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment as well as holding back the tears threatening to fall. 

When I opened my eyes again, removing my lips from her warm skin, she looked up at me. She looked confused, but I couldn’t help but notice the red tint in her cheeks. “What was that for?”

“Just…thank you,” I said. 

She tilted her head to the side. “For what?’

I sighed, walking to her front door and grabbing the handle, my coat now draped over my forearm. “For being you.”

She smiled, and the red in her cheeks was even more evident as I locked eyes with her. It took every ounce of self control I had not to run over to her, to give into my desire to kiss her, to love her. To hold on to her and never let go.

But I knew I couldn’t do that. 

And because of that, I knew what I had to do. 

I walked outside, down her walkway, and stood at the end. I looked out, the lights of the skyline I had come to call home just barely visible as I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed the number. 

“Collins, it’s Hotchner. Get me on the next flight to Quantico - I’m taking the job.”


	11. Airport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -A.A. Milne_

I looked around the deck of the 7:30 AM ferry, scanning for the tall, raven haired partner of mine. As the ferry began to edge it’s way across the water, Aaron still wasn’t here. I frowned. Aaron’s behavior had been odd last night, and I wondered if that was the answer to why he wasn’t here now. 

I pulled my phone from my pocket, zipping my leather jacket to block out the cool breeze of the morning air. I dialed his number, one I had committed to memory, and held it to my ear while I listened to the dial tone. An automated message soon told me to ‘leave a message at the tone.’ 

“Hey, Aaron - it’s me,” I said. “I’m just checking in. You’re not here on the ferry, and I was just wondering if you were okay. You seemed a little off last night, and you said you didn’t feel well, so I just thought I’d call and make sure you were okay. Just, uh, call me back and let me know. Bye.”

I shut my phone and slid it back into my pocket, my breath visible in the air as I exhaled. I kept thinking of possibilities as to where Hotch was the ferry docked at the pier, walking to the office. 

I went through the usual security protocols, then took the elevator up to our floor. As my eyes swept over the floor, they didn’t take in the sight of Aaron. I frowned again, the realization dashing my hope that he had just taken an earlier ferry to get an early start. 

I sat down at my desk, and Aubrey noted my look of confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t seen Aaron this morning, have you?” 

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t. He seemed a little off yesterday afternoon - maybe he’s sick.”

I nodded. “I’ll try calling him again.”

She nodded in agreement, turning her attention back to her own partner as they began to talk of their own day’s agenda. 

I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket, it now being draped over my chair. 

“Hey, Aaron, it’s me again,” I said. “I’m at the office now, and you aren’t here, so I’m just checking again. You haven’t called me back, and Aubrey and I are a little worried. Just, let me know you’re okay. I can bring you anything you need, you just have to call me. Please call me back. Bye.”

I was slightly worried - Hotch had always been one to call me back, or to just answer in the first place. 

“Where’s Aidan?” Everett asked with a smirk, having started referring to Hotch by our inside joke once he realized Aidan didn’t exist - he always alleged Aidan was a fictionalized version of Aaron. 

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not sure. He didn’t come in with me and I can’t get a hold of him.”

Cole frowned. “That’s weird. I’m sure he’s okay.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

But I wasn’t convinced. 

––––

_**AARON’S POV** _

My phone began to ring in my pocket again - the second time in the last thirty minutes. I pulled it out to check the number, although I didn’t need to to know who it was. Y/n’s number flashed on the small screen as expected, and I sighed. I couldn’t answer it. I couldn’t do it. 

She didn’t know. I hadn’t told her anything, not that I was leaving, not that she hadn’t gotten the job - anything. She deserved to hear it from me, I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Because I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave her, to take our dream job without her. But, I had to. I had to leave. 

So here I was. 

The phone stopped ringing, and I realized she had left messages. Once both messages had played, her last words rang through my head

_“Just, let me know you’re okay. I can bring you anything you need, you just have to call me. Please call me back. Bye.”_

_“Just, let me know you’re okay.”_

I wasn’t okay, as much as I had tried to convince myself I was, even though I knew this was the right move for both of us. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn’t call her. I needed someone to walk me through my thoughts, and I couldn’t call the one person I could always count on to help me do that. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to call her. 

Because I had a girl at home that part of me still loved. A girl whose career I wouldn’t have to worry about ruining because I thought I had feelings for her. I didn’t even know if she had moved on - I purposefully haven’t asked questions. I just hoped that maybe there was still something there, and maybe she could make these feelings in my chest that seemed to surface at any thought of what I was about to do go away. 

I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, opening it and gazing at the photo inside. Y/n’s face smiled back at me, and for a brief moment, I felt like everything might be okay. 

I’d stopped carrying the photo of Haley around months ago. She wasn’t the person who inspired me to be better anymore. She wasn’t the person who made me want to keep going - Y/n was. 

“Flight 403, nonstop to Dulles International Airport is now boarding.”

I took a deep breath, making sure I had all my documents in order. I squeezed the bridge of my nose, because just like the night before, I knew what I had to do. 

I handed the airline employee my boarding pass, and she gave me a bright smile, wishing me a good flight. If only she knew this wasn’t a happy occasion. 

As I settled into my seat on the plane, I looked out at the hazy Seattle skyline. I squeezed my eyes shut, and once again questioned my decision. 

But as I felt the plane begin to taxi down the runway, I knew my decision had been made for me. 

No one last chance to call her. No one last chance to tell her myself. No one last chance to give things a shot between us. 

Because now my plane was in the air, and the only option left was to go to Quantico. 

––––

Hours went by, and not a phone call from Aaron. Between me, Cole, and Michaelson, none of us had heard anything. In the meantime, I help them with one of their interrogations. 

Near the end of the day, Collins called me into his office. Aubrey and Everett took the role I had played yesterday and shot each other worried glances as I walked in. 

“Shut the door,” he said. I obliged, taking a few steps back and shutting it, but not before I could see the two partners talking nervously amongst themselves. 

“You may want to sit down for this,” Greg said, and I knew this couldn’t be anything good. I slowly lowered myself into one of the dark chairs in front of his desk. 

Collins clasped his hands together, letting them rest on the dark wood of his desk. I could see the cogs in his head turning as he sighed, and I knew he was trying to think of the best words to address whatever this situation was. 

“Have you spoken to Aaron recently?”

_Now I was worried._

I shook my head. “Not since last night. He seemed a little off; he left my house really early. He told me he didn’t feel well, but I haven’t heard from him since.”

I could see Collins’ eyes widened, and some of the color drain from his face. “You mean he hasn’t told you?”

My brow furrowed. “Told me what?”

His face fell. “I was hoping he’d tell you.”

I didn’t answer, my silence telling him to continue. “Aaron got the job at the BAU.”

My eyes widened, and I slowly nodded. “Oh.”

“And I’m assuming that since we’re having this conversation,” I took a deep breath, and I could practically feel my heart breaking as the next words left my mouth. “He got the job, and I didn’t.”

Collins nodded sadly. I took another deep breath, this one much more ragged, trying to keep my emotions in check. By the way Greg’s eyes kept raking over my face, I could tell there was more. 

I couldn’t meet his eyes, but I spoke. “Whatever else you need to tell me, just go ahead and say it.”

“Aaron…” he said, trying and I could tell the words pained him to say. “Aaron’s already left.”

My head shot up, and the part of my brain that had already begun to write a goodbye speech stopped mentally writing. “What?”

“He called me last night and asked me to put him on the earliest flight I could, and that left at eight this morning. He probably landed a few hours ago.”

My stomach dropped at those words. The idea that I wouldn’t even get to say goodbye was probably one of the most painful revelations I had had in a long time, if ever. 

“Okay, then,” I said, and I tried to hold it together by asking what seemed like the most logical question. I stood and began slowly pacing the length of the small office, chewing on the nail of my thumb so that I would have something to focus on. “So, this means I need a new partner, then. Right?”

The look of sadness written all over Collins’ face made me realize the tears that pricked at my own eyes. “Uh, no. Not right away, anyway. You work really well with Cole and Michaelson, so for the time being I’ll pair you with them.”

I nodded, stopping in front of one of his bookshelves. 

“I know how close you and Aaron were,” Greg said after a moment. “And if I had known this was how he planned on you finding out, believe me, I would have advised him against it.”

I just nodded - that seemed like the only thing I knew how to do at the moment. 

“Do you want to take the rest of the day?”

Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me wanted to stay, to tough it out and act like nothing was wrong. 

But I knew better. I knew that wouldn’t work, nor would it help anything. I knew that trying to fake it until I made it today would only make things worse, and are normal office hours ended in about thirty minutes anyways. 

So I accepted. “Yeah, actually. That sounds good, if that’s okay.”

He nodded. “Absolutely. Do what you need to do.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Let me know if there’s anything at all I can do for you.”

“I will, Greg. Thank you.”

He nodded, and I took that as my dismissal. Once my hand had wrapped around the doorknob, he spoke one last time. 

“And L/n? I really am sorry.”

I looked down for a moment, then turned to him. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

––––

I knocked on mom’s door, sniffling as I tried to control my emotions, which was the whole reason I was here anyway. I let the knock signal my arrival, then used my old key to unlock the door. 

I could hear laughter and voices coming from inside, and I recognized the voices as Mikey and Michelle. I grimaced, having forgotten that tonight was their usual dinner. 

“Y/n?” My mom’s voice asked as I turned to find them at the small kitchen table. I gave them all a smile, even though I knew I had to look like a wreck. 

Their eyes widened as they saw me. “What’s wrong?”

“Is everything okay?” Mikey asked, standing up from his chair and coming over to wrap his arm around my shoulder. 

“It’s Aaron,” I said, feeling the tears begin to fall down my face again. 

“What’s wrong?” Michelle asked. “Is he okay?”

I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it again. “He’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean?” My mom asked. Mikey steered me over to the chair he’d been sitting in next to our mother, opting to now sit in the chair next to it. 

“He got the job in Quantico,” I saw, my voice soft. “I didn’t. He left this morning. He didn’t say goodbye. I found out right before I left - that’s why I left work early.”

I could see my brother look at his wife, both of them opening and closing their mouths - neither of them knew what to say. 

“I just feel so empty now, and I don’t know why,” I choked out through a sob. Mikey wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side. 

After a moment of thought, I looked back up at. With my voice just barely above a whisper, and tears streaming down my face, I said the statement I had known was true for a long time, even though it terrified me. 

“I think I love him, Mom. I think I love him and now I’ll never be able to tell him.”


	12. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. I’d never walk Cornelia Street again. That’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend. I’d never walk Cornelia Street again.” -Taylor Swift_

_**ONE YEAR LATER** _

_**AARON’S POV** _

Haley’s giggle filled my ears as we sat at the kitchen table of my parent’s house, the diamond ring I had recently slid onto her finger glinting in the afternoon sunlight that streamed through the window. 

Her laughter turned into a groan. “Ugh. There’s so many people we have to invite. I can already feel my hand cramping with all the writing we have to do.”

“We could hire someone,” I suggested, my eyes scanning over all the envelopes and announcement cards scattered all over the surface of the table. “Or print address labels or something.”

“But that’s so impersonal!” Haley argued, and it made me smile. “Besides, we’ll only get married once - why not go all out?”

I let out a small laugh. “I can’t argue with that.”

The two of us began going through our address books, as well as those of our parents, making sure we didn’t forget any extended family or friends that would be mortally offended if we didn’t send them our engagement and wedding date announcement. 

“Hey,” Haley said after just a few minutes. “Shouldn’t you be wearing your glasses?”

The statement tugged at my heart - I hadn’t been able to wear my glasses in months, they reminded me of her. “No, I’m fine,” I lied. “My vision has gotten better, I’ll be okay.”

I wasn’t sure she believed me, but she let it go anyway. 

Hours later, once Haley had finished addressing the last envelope, she looked to me with a sigh, the little smile I had fallen in love with years ago pulling at the corners of her lips. 

“Hey,” she said suddenly. “Did you invite any of your coworkers from Seattle?”

My chest tightened - that _stupid feeling_ was back. Getting back together with Haley had helped somewhat with that, but it unfortunately hadn’t made it go away, and I’d yet to figure out why. 

“Um, no,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I haven’t exactly kept in touch with them since I left.”

“You should invite them!” Haley said brightly, not knowing at all what she was suggesting. “It would be a great chance for you all to catch up! Especially Y/n - I’d love to meet her! She sounds so lovely from all the stories you’ve told me, and I know how close you two were.”

_She didn’t even know the half of it._

I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want the first time she had heard from me in over a year to be something as impersonal as our ‘Save the Date’ announcements, something she would know was being sent to dozens, if not hundreds of other people. But I was still fighting that feeling of tightness that came everytime I thought of her, and that kept me from feeling truly happy with Haley at times. 

I caved, because I knew how happy it would make Haley.

I addressed it to our office. I didn’t even know if she still lived on our old street - something in my gut told me no. For good measure, I address two more to Aubrey and Everett, and before I could change my mind Haley took them all to the post office. 

_What have I done?_

––––

_**YOUR POV** _

“Y/n, this came for you. I went down to pick up a few things and they asked me to bring it up to you,” Everett said, handing me a small cream envelope. I frowned as I stood and took it from him. 

“That’s weird,” I muttered to myself as my eyes scanned the front of the envelope. 

Aubrey looked up. “What’s weird?”

“The return address is from Quantico,” I said. “I don’t know anyone still living in Quantico.”

“Is there a name?” Everett asked, now equally as confused and intrigued.

I shook my head. “No, just the address. Nice handwriting though.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes, a small smile playing at her lips. “L/n, would you stop profiling the envelope and just open it?”

“I’m not profiling it!” I said defensively. “I’m just making an observation…okay, you’re right, maybe I am profiling it.”

She and Cole laughed as I carefully opened the envelope. 

“Hey, we got one too,” Everett said, handing an identical envelope to Aubrey. “I guess they knew I could bring this up to you too.” She frowned, not recognizing the address or the handwriting either as I lifted the flap of the envelope. She and Cole just watched. 

A thick piece of cardstock was inside, and after using a little force I pulled it out. My eyes widened and my jaw slacked as I saw what was on it.

“What is it?” Aubrey asked. I didn’t answer her. My eyes scanned 

“Y/n/n, is everything okay?” Everett asked, his face slowly flooding with concern.

“It…it’s Aaron,” I said slowly, and the two partners exchanged a look. They knew I hadn’t heard from him since he left. They knew I hadn’t healed from the whole situation.

“Is Hotch okay?” He asked, the two of them now concerned for our friend and former colleague. 

“He…he’s getting married.” Aubrey and Cole’s eyes both widened, and they swapped glances yet again. 

The cardstock rectangle I had pulled from the envelope had been a _‘Save The Date!’_ card – a wedding announcement. There was a beautiful photo, Aaron, his smile as wide as ever, standing at the National Mall with his arms around a blonde woman. She was very pretty, and I recognized her from the photos I had seen in our first few months as partners, the photos I had noticed slowly disappeared.

“Who’s he getting married to?” Everett asked, his brows furrowed. 

“He’s only been back in D.C. for what? A year now?” Aubrey asked, both of them trying to comprehend how one of the most level-headed people we know would be getting married so fast. 

“He’s getting married to Haley,” I said, tears stinging my eyes. I couldn’t understand how Aaron could still have such a hold over me when I hadn’t seen him in over a year. It didn’t make sense, and I hated it. 

“Haley?” Cole asked, looking between both Aubrey and I to see if the name was ringing the same bells for us as it was for him. “Isn’t that the chick who dumped him when he got into the academy?”

“Yeah,” Aubrey said slowly, realizing why the name sounded familiar. “He moped about her for days after he got here. He said that she’d turned him down again.”

“Yeah, well, I guess she took him back.” The words came out of my mouth more bitter than I had planned for them to, but they came out nonetheless. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” she said, reaching over and rubbing my shoulders gently. She gave Everett a look - he took the hint. 

“Yeah, well, I’m going to go see what forensics pulled from that slug we found at the bank robbery. Aubrey, I’ll call you down if they’ve got anything.”

He gave me a soft smile as he made his way over to the elevators. Once he was out of earshot, she turned back to me. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” I answered with a shrug. “I mean, I know I should be. I shouldn’t have had any hope that he might come back in the first place, and I definitely shouldn’t have been dumb enough to think he might come back for me. He was never mine in the first place. I just don’t understand why I can’t move on, why this hasn’t gotten any easier.”

“Yeah…well,” she said slowly, wrapping her arm around me and placing my head on her shoulder. I sighed, fighting back tears as she played with my hair. “Sometimes those are the hardest ones to let go.”

“I know,” I said after a moment, looking up at her. “And that’s why I need you and Ev to help me out with something this weekend. 

She nodded. “Of course - anything.”

––––

“That’s the last box,” Everett announced as he sealed it with some packing tape. 

“Thank you guy so much for helping me out with this,” I said. “I just…felt like I needed a fresh start.”

Aubrey nodded with a smile. “It’ll be good for you. Plus, you’ll live down the street from me now, and we’ll have a good time.”

I laughed. “I have no doubt.”

“Yeah, and I just live a few blocks away,” Everett added with a soft smile. 

“It’s going to be a lot of fun,” I said, and I knew it would be. Maybe not as much fun as living down the street from Aaron had been, but fun nonetheless.

I had decided a few weeks ago, once I realized my lease was nearly up, that it might help me get over everything that had happened if I moved into a new place. I had found a really nice apartment, just a few blocks from the office and in the same neighborhood as Aubrey and Everett.

West Seattle just had too many memories - this house had too many memories. I couldn’t go a day without thinking of Aaron. There were nights that I was kept awake by the ghost of his laugh bouncing off the walls. Anytime I have a Saturday off I still catch myself waking up early, waiting for him to burst through the door with some big plan for the day. I couldn’t even go to Joe’s anymore. I had to get out, I had to get a fresh start. I was excited to live in the city - on the same street as Aubrey, a few streets from Cole, and a few blocks from my mom. 

Maybe this was just what I needed. Maybe if I wasn’t in a place with so many old memories, I could lock them away and not think of them anymore. Aaron was getting married, and it wasn’t to me. 

_I had to move on._


	13. Aggressor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, and time’s forever frozen still.” -Ed Sheeran_

_**SIX YEARS LATER** _

_**HOTCH’S POV** _

“I looked the case file over. I’ll get some thoughts to you ASAP.”

“You’re going to be in Seattle with us ASAP,” I interjected, walking into Gideon’s office at the FBI Academy with Derek on my heels. As expected, I found Spencer waiting there as well. 

Jason looked up at me above the rims of his glasses, slowly sliding them off his face. He walked over to Morgan, who was holding out a photo of the missing girl. “Twenty-two-year old Heather Woodland.” 

Gideon took the photo of Heather from him, examining it as I continued. “Before she left for lunch, she downloaded an email with a time delay virus attached. The killer’s virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen.” I held out another photo Agent Collins had sent us. 

Jason’s eyes flickered to mine as he saw the message, and he slowly began to move towards a photo hanging on his office wall as he read the note the unsub had left aloud. “‘For heaven’s sake, catch me before I kill more. I cannot control myself.”

All four of our eyes fell onto the framed photo of a wall bearing the same message, captioned _William Heirnes, The Lipstick Killer-1945._

I let Gideon’s mind work for a moment, before adding, “He never keeps them for more than seven days, which means that we have fewer than 36 hours left to find her.”

“They want you back in the saddle,” Morgan said. “You ready?”

“Looks like medical leave is over, boss,” Reid told his mentor.

“They sure they want me?” Gideon asked, unsure. 

I gave him a small smile. “The order came from the Director.”

He turned back to the photo on the wall for a moment, before looking at Reid, Morgan and I again. “Than we better get started.”

Minutes later we were pulling in at the airstrip, piling out of the small black car and SUV and making our way onto the jet, all of us wearing heavy jackets and packing briefcases and bags of equipment.

“This girl may only have 36 hours to live. We’re not asking for a judgement of Gideon, we’re asking for an assessment. We want to know you’re there to step in if he can’t perform,” The section chief said as she took long strides to keep up with me. I was only half listening – it wasn’t like these were things she hadn’t told me a dozen times since I’d stepped into the position of acting unit chief six months ago after Boston. “Are we clear?”

She stopped, folding her arms to show how serious she was, as if I needed to be reminded. I turned to her. I had to stop myself from saying something rash, something I was still working on. I nearly bit my tongue. “Of course.”

She nodded and walked back to the car and ascended the stairs to the jet, Reid watching in confusion. As soon as the jet was in the air, we began reviewing the victimology. 

“His first victim was 26-year-old Melissa Kirsh,” Reid began as he read from the file. “Stab wounds, strangulation-”

“Wait, wait,” Morgan interrupted. “Back up, back up.” Spencer looked up at him. “He stabbed her, and then strangled her to finish her off?”

“Other way around,” Gideon said quickly. “Why do you think he started using the belt with the second murder?”

“Strangulation with your bare hands is not as easy as one would believe,” Reid said. “He tried, probably found that it took too long…”

“So he stabbed her instead,” Derek finished. 

“And realized that it would be hours cleaning up all the blood,” I added.

“Next time, our boy’s got a method – the belt,” Morgan said. 

“He’s learning,” Gideon confirmed. “Perfecting his scenario. Becoming a better killer.”

I was only half listening to the conversations after that, which thankfully weren’t about much. My mind couldn’t stop wandering to the fact that we were heading to Seattle, to the office where I knew Y/n still worked. I hoped so badly she would be there, I knew that I needed to apologize for everything that had happened all those years ago, and then some. I’d made the decision to leave without a word. I’d made the decision not to contact her again, and after a while her phone number changed. It didn’t take a profiler to know there was little chance she didn’t hate me at this point, but I wanted to try and make things right anyway.

“So, Hotch,” Reid said, pulling me out of my head. “Are you excited to go back to your old office?”

I smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I am. I still have a lot of friends who work there.”

“Does your old partner still work there?” Gideon asked. “What was her name? Y/n?”

I couldn’t help but feel my blood boil at the sound of Gideon asking about her. Other than my own actions, Gideon’s gender bias was also at fault as to why we no longer spoke. He had chosen only to hire me, when she was just a qualified, and maybe even a better profiler, because she was a woman. 

And now he couldn’t even be bothered to remember her name.

“Ooh, it sounds to me like she was more than just a partner,” Morgan said, a wicked grin on his lips as he wiggled his eyebrows. “She an old flame?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, although part of me knew Morgan wasn’t entirely wrong. “No, no she’s not an old flame. She was just…my very best friend for a time. I haven’t spoken to her in years.”

“What happened?” Reid asked, and in that moment I hated how the young genius could always tell when there was more to a story than what he was hearing.

I thought about my choice of words for a moment. “I was an idiot, that’s what happened. I made a couple of bad choices.” I sighed. “But, I’m hoping that maybe I can patch things up while we’re here.”

**Y/N’S POV**

I sat at my desk, pouring over the photos on the Seattle Strangler case photos again. I’d heard the BAU was flying in, and I was determined to show them what I was made of. I was only slightly disappointed I wouldn’t be seeing Agent Rossi again, but we’d made plans to meet up in a few months when he book tour made a stop here. I was determined to prove myself to Agent Gideon this time, if his unit would be the one flying it - something in my gut said it was. The only thing I dreaded was the fact I knew Aaron was still a profiler, which meant there was a chance he’d be flying in as well, and I couldn’t stand the thought of trying to pretend like nothing happened while we worked this case. There were too many unresolved issues there.

Suddenly, the door to Collins’ office flew open, and everyone’s head’s shot over to him. He was visibly troubled, maybe even a little upset. 

“A three year old girl was pulled into a van and kidnapped in Spokane.”

The room fell silent at the news. My eyes widened. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of someone grabbing a little girl to do God knows what with her. I couldn’t imagine what her parents were going through.

“The governor is calling for a task force with local agencies as well as Washington State Patrol and the FBI. Cole, L/n, I’m sending you two. If you need more manpower let me know. The CARD team should meet you down there. You guys are on the next flight to Spokane, give me two minutes and I’ll have your boarding passes. 

Everett and I both nodded, making eye contact with Greg before each other. 

“The rest of you will stay here and work on the Strangler case – the BAU should be here any minute.” Collins said, nodding and heading back into his office. I guess there wasn’t any chance of having to see Aaron now, and I couldn’t help but be slightly relieved that I wouldn’t have to deal with Gideon’s condescending nature once again.

Everett and I quickly slung on our coats and gathered our bags. I’d learned to keep a change of clothes and a few toiletries in my bag for emergencies, and I was grateful for it now. 

Cole ran into Collins’ office. When he came out he handed me my boarding pass. “You ready to go?”

I nodded, making sure my gun was secure in its holster. “Let’s go.” Everett held his arm out, ushering me quickly over to the elevator. 

We were nearly out the front door when a figure caught my eye. He was tall and lanky, with slicked back hair and wearing a boxy red sweater - he was someone I’d never seen before. I had to admit, he was pretty cute, in a boyish way. 

“Everett, who is that?” I asked, keeping my gaze on him. He followed my line of sight, looking at the guy for a second before shrugging. 

“I don’t know. Probably someone with the BAU.”

I nodded as we walked out to Everett’s car. “Yeah, probably.”

As we began to drive, an awkward silence settled – I knew why.

“Does Hotch still work at the BAU?”

_That was why._

“Yeah,” I answered, possibly even a little coldly. “He’s still there. No idea if it’s his unit here or not.”

Cole just nodded, and we kept driving - he’d learned to stop pushing the subject years ago.

**HOTCH’S POV**

A commotion came from the direction of the elevators, and just when I got the chance to tear my attention away from Morgan and Reid, I saw two figures running out into the parking lot, one whose hand was placed firmly on the small of the other’s back. Both looked very familiar, but I assumed it was my eyes playing tricks on me.

As we entered into the bullpen, I felt my shoulders involuntarily relax - I felt twenty-five years old again. I looked around, seeing several old faces, and a few new ones, but not the face I wanted to see. My eyes fell on Aubrey, who still sat at the same desk, and she gave me a wide grin. I looked at the desk near hers, and I could tell by the photos and belongings it was still Y/n’s, but she wasn’t there.

“Hotchner!” I heard a voice say. I looked to the source to find Greg Collins. 

“Greg,” I said with a smile. I shook his hand.

“It’s good to have you back,” he said. 

“It’s good to be back,” I answered. 

“You guys can set up wherever you like.” Greg said, and I thanked him. 

“Alright everyone!” He called out to grab the office’s attention, and I felt like I should be sitting at my old desk again. “These are agents from the BAU. I’ll let them introduce themselves.”

I smiled and began to introduce my team. “This is Special Agent Gideon. Special Agent Morgan, our expert on obsessional crimes. Special Agent Reid-”

“Dr. Reid,” Gideon corrected, and I immediately felt bad for my mistake. 

“Dr. Reid,” I amended quickly. “Our expert on, well, everything. And after two years of busting my butt in this office I hope you all remember me.”

Everyone laughed, and I couldn’t help but smile. As Reid and Gideon sat up our equipment and looked over what the agents here had so far, a very excited Aubrey Michaelson came running over to me.

“Aaron!” She said, wrapping me in a hug.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s good to see you, Aubrey.”

“It’s been too long!” She said, her bright smile lighting her face like always. 

I looked around. “Where’s your old man?” I joked.

She giggled. “Everett got assigned to the task force on the girl who was abducted in Spokane, he had to leave for the airport a few minutes ago.”

“I heard about that,” I said. I gulped involuntarily, and hoped I hid it. “And is Y/n here?” I asked, sounding more nervous than I had originally intended. 

Aubrey gave me a sad smile, and shook her head. “Greg sent both of them.”

I sighed, then nodded. “It’s probably for the best. I mean, I highly doubt she would want to see me anyway after what I did, but I was hoping to rebuild some bridges.”

“You hurt her, Aaron,” Aubrey said firmly. I looked at her. 

“I’m not going to lie to you about it,” she continued. “She was upset for months after you left. The first time she hears from you in over a year and she hears you’re getting married? How do you think that made her feel? Your a profiler - you of all people should have known why _that_ was a bad idea! And that’s not even _touching_ on the fact you up and left and let her hear it from Collins instead of you!”

“I know, I know,” I said, because I knew she was right. “I don’t know why I did it, it just happened. Okay? I know it was stupid.”

She just stared at me, so I continued. “Aubrey, I feel awful about what I did. I really do. I hate myself for leaving the way I did, even now. And I promise you that I came here with every intent to make things right with Y/n. Believe it or not, I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. You don’t have to believe that, but you have to believe me when I say I’ve missed her like crazy.”

“Sounds to me like you’ve done more than just miss her,” she said.

My eyes widened, and that unknown and unwelcome feeling that had been gnawing in my chest for years came back. I thought this had stopped after I had gotten married; or at least, become less frequent. 

“Aubrey, I’m married,” I said firmly, knowing what she was implying. But I knew my words were also me trying to convince myself that there wasn’t some part of my heart I had left here with her. “I promise, I never had feelings for Y/n. I would have stayed if I did.”

_You liar._

“You could have called her, you know,” she said finally.

“I didn’t have her number,” I said. “A few months after I got to Quantico I tried to call her and it said the line was disconnected. I just assumed it was because-”

“She got a new phone,” Aubrey said, her eyes widening in realization. “Her phone got wet a few weeks after you left and she had to get a new one. I remember now.” She looked at me for a moment, and I could see she was turning over several options in her head. 

After a moment, she walked over to the desk next to hers, Y/n’s, and opened a drawer. She grabbed something from it, staring at it for a moment, glancing up at me, and then walking back over to me. 

“You tell her I was the person who gave you this and I’ll kill you,” she said. I nodded, because I knew Aubrey wasn’t kidding. I may be a full foot taller than her, but at this moment I felt like it was the other way around. I looked at what was new resting between my fingers - an FBI business card, with a very familiar name printed on it.

“You could stay and talk to her in person,” Aubrey quietly proposed after a moment, and the offer made my heart ache.

“I want to,” I said – and I really did. “But we’ll be done here by the end of the day tomorrow, and I know she won’t be back before then. I would stay over, but I’ve got to get home to my wife; she’s due any day now.”

Her eyes widened. “Haley’s pregnant?”

I nodded, a smile coming onto my face. Aubrey smiled too. “Hotch! We had no idea! Congratulations!”

She gave me another hug, and I chuckled. “Thanks.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“A little boy,” I answered. 

“Oh, I’m so excited for you!”

I smiled. “Thank you, Aub.”

Suddenly, she looked over her shoulder. “I think your team needs you.”

I turned around to find them looking at me expectantly. I nodded. “I think they do too.”

“It was great to see you, Aaron,” she said.

“Maybe we’ll see each other again before I have to head back to Quantico,” I offered, and she nodded. She gave me one last hug, this one a little longer than the others. 

“Please call her,” she whispered into my ear. “She misses you.”

“I will. I miss her too.” 

I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was for the best that Y/n was in Spokane. I liked to think that she might be proud of me for having worked my way up in the BAU, like I was proud of her for how far she had come over the years, but I also knew that she probably didn’t think of me as highly as she did all those years ago. I was probably no longer painted in that same positive light that I had been before I left to go to Quantico, and that was my own fault. I’d accepted that fate the moment I decided I was going to take this job.

_Y/N’S POV_

A few days later, Everett and I were reentering our offices. We had caught the girl’s abductor, and even found her completely safe. 

The bullpen was abuzz when we returned, likely due to the fact the Seattle Strangler case had been solved. 

“Hey!” I greeted Aubrey as I saw her. She walked over to us with a smile. 

“Welcome back,” she said. “I heard you two did great.”

“We try,” I said with a smile. 

“Did you miss me?” Cole asked, flashing his partner his million dollar grin. 

“Not a chance.”

“Well, can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said before walking back over to his desk to settle in. 

“How was the BAU?” I asked.

“Good!” Aubrey answered, her eyes showing slight signs of panic. “They were very helpful.”

“Aubrey,” I said sternly, looking at her as we sat down in our rolling chairs. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Why are you such a profiler? Can’t you ever turn that off?” She asked, trying to change the subject. I shot her a look. She bit her lip for a moment, and I gave her a look that prompted her to tell me the rest of the story. “Hotch was here.”

My eyes widened, although I wasn’t sure why I acted like I was surprised. I knew he hadn’t moved units (even if I didn’t like to admit it), and that meant there had been a fifty/fifty chance his unit was the one flown in. I was nearly positive he was in unit A, which would have meant the chances of it being his unit were greater. “He was?”

She nodded. “He’s been the acting unit chief since what happened to Gideon in Boston.” I didn’t say anything, but I nodded - I’d known that too. As much as I hated myself for it, I followed him. I kept up with him, and a small part of me couldn’t help but feel proud of the man who had once been my best friend. The man who had shared the hopes and dreams he had - the hopes and dreams that were now coming true. 

“He asked about you,” she said after a moment.

I stiffened. “He did?”

“Yeah. He said he was hoping to see you.” I nodded, taking in the information. Aaron had been _here_ again, in Seattle, something for the first two years after he left I had hoped and prayed would happen. Now, I was almost glad I hadn’t seen him. The sadness had dissipated for the most part, only coming back with old memories and mentions in passing, but yet my anger towards his manner of leaving stayed rooted in the back of my head. 

“There…there’s something else,” Aubrey said. I looked over at her, and she was clearly very nervous to tell me.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Haley’s pregnant.”

My eyes widened for the second time. “Really?”

Aubrey nodded. “With a little boy, Aaron said.”

I couldn’t help but smile, even though the news brought on a bit of sadness. I knew how badly Aaron wanted to be a father. The thought of him as a dad had always been one that made me happy. “Good for them. I’m happy for him.”

And I was, but even still, I selfishly couldn’t help but wish it was me. 

**HOTCH’S POV**

“So, did Seattle give you any name insights for the baby?” Haley asked with a smile. 

I shook my head, a smile of my own tugging at the corners of my mouth. “No. We were so stressed with the case I haven’t given it much thought.” 

She held up the open book in her lap. “I found a new baby book name at my mom and dad’s that we haven’t looked at.”

“Find anything good?” I called to her as I threw my dirty clothes in the laundry room.

“What about Jack?” She asked. 

I raised an eyebrow, sticking my head back in our room. “Like ‘Jack the Ripper?’”

Haley rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on! Do you even know what the name means?”

I tried to think of a good argument, but the former prosecutor in me faltered. “No.”

Haley smirked triumphantly. “It means ‘God is gracious.’”

I stopped folding the laundry, mulling over her words. After a few moments of thought, I spoke. “I like that.”

“And,” she said, and I could hear the smirk on her face. “If the whole ‘Jack the Ripper’ thing really bothers you, we can always name him Jackson.”

“I like Jack,” I said honestly as I reentered our bedroom, a smile on my face. 

Haley smiled back at me, as she ran a hand over her swollen stomach. “Alright then, Jack it is.”

She giggled. “I think he likes it - he just kicked.”

I laughed, grinning as I walked over to her and lowered myself onto the bed next to her. I leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss on her lips, feeling her smile against my own. 

“So, do you want to try and tackle a middle name for Mr. Jack Hotchner?” She asked. 

I sighed. “I guess we should try,” I said with a laugh.

The two of us fell into comfortable silence, Haley rubbing a hand over her belly as we were both deep in thought. 

A name from several years ago suddenly came to mind, the memories associated with it making me smile. “Jackson Aidan? Well, Jack Aidan?”

“Jack Aidan Hotchner.” Haley thought about it, a smile pulling at her own lips. “I like it! Where did you come up with Aidan?”

I felt my mouth become slightly dry at her question. “Just…from an old friend.”

I knew Haley knew it was more than that, but she didn’t push. Instead, she asked another question: “Oh! Did you get to see Y/n while you were in Seattle? I know you were looking forward to seeing her.”

That question didn’t make things any better. 

I looked down at the floor, beginning to feel the same disappointment I had felt when Aubrey told me she was out with Cole. The feeling of jumbled emotions in my chest was back once again, rearing its ugly head back in at the worst possible moment as usual.

“Uh, no,” I said. “She was in Spokane with Cole working the child abduction.”

Haley gave me a watery smile. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I know you wanted to see her.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, well, maybe next time.”

It was at this moment, at those words, I realized that Y/n was what always caused this feeling in my chest. But what was the feeling, or feelings? What did it mean? I’d been asking myself this question for years, with no answers. 

I left our bedroom, mumbling about getting something to eat, but I was really leaving to clear my thoughts. I walked out into our backyard, grabbing my suit jacket from the hook by the door before walking out. It didn’t match my sweatpants and t-shirt, but it would do to combat the cool, autumn breeze. I sat on the porch swing, mulling over my thoughts. 

I knew that I had had feelings for her. I figured that out the day I got the job offer. I had dealt with that. I had compartmentalized those feelings and stowed them away, because a relationship with Y/n would have been the worst idea. Working with someone in my office, my partner no less, would have caused us both more problems than it was worth, even if I did still wonder on occasion what might have happened if we’d gone through with it, and I hadn’t just left. But having feelings for Y/n was never a part of my plans. 

And when Haley came back into my life, I felt like I had control of my emotions again. She felt familiar, steady - not someone who could hinder my career or hers. I still loved Haley, so it only felt natural to get back together with her. 

Our love grew, and then I proposed, because it seemed like the right thing to do. Part of me always knew that I was fighting that gnawing feeling in my chest that always came when anyone thought of or spoke of Y/n. 

I sighed, my own thoughts becoming exhausting as I pulled my credentials out of the inner breast pocket of my blazer. I knew better than to leave them here instead of putting them back in my briefcase, but this was one time I was grateful that it had slipped my mind. 

I opened them up, pulling a worn photo from behind my identification. A small smile pulled at my lips, and a wave of nostalgia took over as I gazed at the photo. It was the photo of Y/n I used to keep in my wallet - I had started to carry it in my credentials after Haley and I got back together, wanting to always keep it near in a less obvious way for a reason I still didn’t know. 

It was worn, the edges frayed and dogeared, and the colors were the slightest bit faded. It was a photo of Y/n I had taken years ago on a hike that we had taken on one of our days off. She was laughing, her smile shining brightly with the Seattle skyline in the background. I remembered the exact moment I had taken the photo:

_“Aaron, are you trying to kill me?” She asked as we finally ascended to the lookout, but she didn’t know that._

_I laughed. “L/n, how did you pass the fitness test at the academy?”_

_She placed her hands on her knees for a few seconds, trying to regulate her breathing before glaring at me - a glare that rivaled my own. “Hotchner, I stay in enough shape to pass those freaking tests and to chase suspects - that’s it.”_

_“I’ve seen enough of your eating habits to know that’s true,” I deadpanned._

_“Oh, you’re going to pay for that one,” she said, grinning wickedly as she began to run over to me. I readied myself, waiting for her to come closer. She did, and I scooped her up into my arms, her laughter filling my ears as I ran my fingers over her sides._

_“O-okay!” She said. “Y-you’re right! Just p-put me down! I surrender!”_

_Satisfied, I sat her back on the ground, leading her a few more feet to the lookout railing. From this vantage point, we had a perfect view of the Seattle skyline, currently being framed by impending rain clouds and fall foliage._

_I felt her suck in a breath. “Wow.”_

_I smiled at her. “Right?”_

_“I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” she said softly. “It’s so peaceful.”_

_“I know, right?” I said. “I heard about it from someone in sex crimes, and thought it might just be something fun for us to do. I figured you would like it”_

_She didn’t say much for a moment, just staring out into the city. I gazed over at her, and she looked so peaceful. She wasn’t trying to forge for her already won place in the office, or assert dominance over a suspect, she was just Y/n. I felt this sudden urge to take a photo._

_I pulled out the disposable camera from my backpack, feeling a little silly at the fact I had brought it at all._

_Knowing I wanted to capture the smile she always had when she laughed, I thought of something funny to say._

_“Do you remember that time I tripped over that curb chasing the suspect in the Garrison murder and almost broke my ankle?”_

_Her face broke out into a laugh, and she turned just enough for me to get a perfect shot of her with her smile, the leaves, and the city._

_“Aaron!” She said, the smile fading as she groaned. “You know I hate having my photo taken!”_

_“Oh, come on!” I said. “Can’t I just take a picture of my best friend while we’re having fun? To remember the moment?”_

_She didn’t answer, and I smirked in triumph - I had won this time._

_“So, hotshot, think you can make it back down to the car?_

_“Okay, Hotchner, you’re pushing it today.”_

The picture turned out as well as I had hoped when I had it developed a few weeks later, and she let me take a few more that day - a couple had come just as we were leaving and asked if we wanted a photo. I had kept the photo of the two of us on my desk in Seattle, and the photo of her in my wallet. 

As I stared at the photo, I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she was. As other memories began playing in my head, I realized what the feeling in my chest has been all these years:

I hadn’t just had feelings for Y/n, I’d been in love with her.

The realization made my stomach drop - I felt like I could be sick. Not even at the thought I had been in love with her all those years ago - I think I had always known that. No, that wasn’t it. 

What made me sick was the fact that I still am in love with her, with no way to ever tell her - with a wife and a baby boy on the way . She couldn’t stand me, and frankly I couldn’t blame her. I couldn’t stand myself for leaving her that way. She’d had the right to hear me tell her myself that I was taking the job, and instead I’d taken the easy way out and let Collins tell her.

“Aaron?” I heard my wife’s voice call through the open backdoor. 

“I’ll be up in a few minutes,” I called back, and I assumed she took that answer and went back into our bedroom. 

_The other love of my life._

I truly loved Haley, and I knew that, even if I fell out of love for a time. The moment she and I reconnected when I came home, I felt like I was in control of my emotions again. There weren’t any risks involved. 

But still, Y/n still had a place in my heart. Because even after seven years, there was something about her that still had a hold on me, and I wasn’t sure when or if she would ever let go. And more than that, I wasn’t sure I wanted her to.


	14. Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You must be strong enough to know that love will come to you when you are ready. You must be strong enough to know when to say goodbye, and know that letting go is not weak.” -Marisa Donnelly_

_**FOUR YEARS LATER** _

The phone rang on my desk, shaking me from my trance. I physically shook my head, then picked up the receiver. “L/n.”

“Y/n!” A familiar, somewhat excited voice said on the other end. 

“Rossi!” I answered, just as enthusiastically. “It’s good to hear from you.”

“You too, kiddo,” he said. “Is Seattle still treating you well?”

“It is, as always,” I responded. “And is life still good at BAU? You’re not regretting going back, are you?”

“Oh, you know I could never stay away,” he joked. “It’s still good.”

As nice as it was to hear from him, I could tell he was stalling about something. The two of us had kept in touch over the years. Ever since we met when I was still a special agent, Rossi always tries to meet up with me on his book tours. 

“Rossi,” I said, trying to get him to cut to the chase. “This isn’t a happy phone call, is it?”

He sighed. “No, I’m afraid it’s not.”

Rossi paused again for a moment. “It’s Hotch.”

My breath caught in my throat. I hated to admit how quickly my mind had started thinking of all the things that could be wrong, even after all these years. 

When I didn’t answer, Dave told me what had happened. “Haley died.”

I gasped, my hand coming up to cover my mouth even though he couldn’t see it - Aubrey and Everett did though, and began to flash me looks of concern. I swallowed. “When?”

“Two days ago,” he said. “George Foyet killed her.”

“The Boston Reaper?” I asked, having heard of the case when Aaron worked it originally in ‘98 - it was his first after he left here.

“Yeah,” Rossi confirmed, his voice now melancholy. “It was his last way of getting back at Aaron for not taking his deal a while back. He got Aaron, too - stabbed him nine times and left him to die in his apartment. We weren’t sure he was going to make it.”

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes at the thought or Aaron having died because of that. “But he’s okay, right?”

“He’s fine,” Rossi said. “Physically anyway. I don’t know if you had heard, but he and Haley divorced a few years ago.”

I hated that my heart seemed to leap at that statement, especially given the fact it was given to me in this context and that I hadn’t seen Aaron in years. “No, I hadn’t heard that.”

“Well, like I said, physically he’s okay. But you and I both know Hotch well enough to know that none of us really have any idea how he’s doing mentally or emotionally.”

“Of course not,” I said, huffing a laugh at the memories that were brought back. “Aaron wouldn’t even tell me when he was sick.” 

“Exactly,” Rossi said. “The funeral is tomorrow. I thought maybe you’d want to know - that you might want to come.”

I opened my mouth to respond, then closed it again with I realized I was unsure of _how_ I wanted to respond. 

“Rossi, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” I said. My thumb began to nervously fiddle with the silver ring on my hand, the diamonds feeling smooth under it - a reminder. “I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years.”

“I know,” he said. “But it might be good for both of you, especially Aaron. I feel like it would do him some good to see you there tomorrow.”

When I didn’t answer, Rossi sighed again on his end of the line. “Just…think about it? Okay?”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see it. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” he said. “I hope I’ll see you there.”

“Rossi,” I said, just before he could hang up. I took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

I knew he was smiling wherever he was. “Your welcome. Bye.”

“Bye,” I said, hooking my phone back onto the receiver with a click. I held my head in my hands for a moment, only letting a few tears fall before taking a deep breath to steady myself. 

I exhaled, holding my hand over my mouth for a second. Cole slowly made his way over to me. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked, his voice soft. 

I gave him as best a smile as I could. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“It didn’t sound fine,” he said gently. “And I know you, and you don’t look fine.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong, Y/n?” Aubrey asked, now edging her way over as well. 

“Haley, you know, Aaron’s wife,” I said, then corrected myself. “Well, ex-wife now - they got divorced, apparently.”

They both nodded, although I could tell they hadn’t heard of the breakup either. “She was killed two days ago.”

Everett’s eyes widened and Aubrey gasped. “What happened?” She asked. 

“The Reaper killed her to get back at Hotch,” I said. 

“Oh my god,” Aubrey breathed. 

Everett opened his mouth to speak, but a new voice cut him off. “Y/n, can you come here for a second?”

We looked over to see Greg in the doorway of his office, and I could tell by the look on his face he had just heard what had happened as well. I nodded, standing from my chair and walking to him. 

He shut the door behind me, giving his office a little more privacy. 

“I’m going to go ahead and assume you all heard about Aaron’s wife,” he said. I nodded. 

“Are you going to the funeral?” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” I nervously began twisting the ring on my finger again. 

Collins sighed. “Look, I have no idea what happened between you two, but I know that you two had a bond that isn’t easily broken. I think it would do you both some good if you went. You have more than enough vacation days to make it work.”

I thought about it, mulling over my options. Closure was something I had been needing for years, and even though this was the worst possible time to try and achieve it, it was still a chance to receive it. 

“Okay,” I said, letting the words tumble out of my mouth before I had a chance to take them back. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to head out now and try to catch a flight to D.C.. I should only be gone a couple of days at most and all my paperwork is caught up.”

Greg nodded, and I could see he was pleased. “That’s perfectly fine, L/n. Please extend the whole office’s condolences. It’s been a long time, but he’s still family.”

I took that as a dismissal, so I nodded. “I will, sir. Thank you.”

I walked out of his office and over to my desk, quickly gathering my phone and my purse. 

“Woah, woah,” Everett said, blocking my path to the door and gently grabbing my forearm. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to try and catch a flight to D.C.,” I said, my eyes flickering between him and Michaelson. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” He asked, his voice softening. 

I shook my head. “No, that’s okay.”

He nodded, and I smiled at him before looking over to Aubrey. “I’ll see you guys in a few days - don’t burn the place down while I’m gone.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep eyes and a fire extinguisher on Cole at all times,” she deadpanned. I shot her a grin, although inside I was feeling far from happy as I clicked the down button on the elevator. 

– – –

With my sunglasses protecting my face - and more importantly, my identity - I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Rossi had offered to let me drive his since he was going to ride over with the rest of the BAU in one of the Bureau’s SUVs. I’d called him yesterday on my way to the airport to let him know I was coming, and he’d managed to meet me at my gate when I arrived at Dulles. He lent me one of his guest rooms since the trip was so last minute and I hadn’t had a chance to find a hotel. 

I could see the procession gathering as they stepped out of their cars, and I filled in a spot near the end as we walked to the gravesite. Rossi turned just long enough to see me, shooting me a small smile. After much debate, I’d made him swear not to tell anyone I was here, especially Aaron. 

We walked through the cemetery, Rossi along with men who I could only assume were other members or adjacents of the BAU and Haley’s family carrying her casket to where she would be laid to rest. Someone handed me a single white rose along the way. 

I purposefully kept my eyes away from the tall, dark haired man walking near the front of the group, because I didn’t need to see his face to know who it was. As the men sat her casket over the grave, my breath caught in my throat, a lone tear cascading down my cheek. 

There he was. Aaron. 

It was the first time I had physically laid eyes on Aaron in ten years. Sure, I’d seen him on the news sometimes, and in the occasional photo that was attached to an article that would float around the office, but never in person. 

He’d hardly changed at all. His hair was cropped a little shorter, there were a few wrinkles, but I somehow knew that if I were to get close enough to really look into his eyes, that they would look the exact same. They maybe wouldn’t have the joy and sparkle in them that they always seemed to when we were younger, but I knew that I would still feel the same way now as if I looked into them ten years ago. 

He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket as he stood in front of everyone, and I could tell it had been folded and unfolded many times. I reached up to wipe the tear from my cheek as he began. Aaron’s shoulder’s rose with his deep exhale, something that was always a sign he was trying to keep his emotions in check. 

“W.S Gilbert wrote, ‘It’s love that makes the world go ‘round.’ And if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it.

“Haley was my best friend since we were in high school. We certainly had our struggles, but if there’s one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack.”

Tears continued to stream down my face, not only at his words, but the pure sound of pain and heartbreak in his voice as he spoke. Hotch was someone I had never known to be emotional, and seeing him this open, this vulnerable, this broken, caused my heart to break too. 

“Haley’s love for Jack was joyous, and fierce,” Aaron continued. “That fierceness is why she isn’t here today. A mother’s love in an unrivaled force of nature, and we can all learn from the way Haley lived her life. Haley’s death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives. To measure who we are, and what we’ve become.”

I watched as Aaron paused, trying to gather himself before he looked up. A small gasp left my throat as he looked right at me with a piercing gaze, and I was suddenly even more grateful for my sunglasses. His eyes hovered on me for a second in time, before flickering around at others. “I don’t have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together.”

I couldn’t understand how I felt so much sadness, so much heartache, over the death of someone I never knew. Someone I had never met. Someone I had only heard a handful of stories of here and there, and someone who’s photo I had seen multiple times. A woman who died making sure her own son wouldn’t. 

“And I will make sure Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him, and how much I loved her.”

I hated the pain I felt in my chest at his words about how much he loved her.

My eyes flickered to the small boy standing next to Aaron, and my breath caught in my throat. Other than his dirty blonde hair, he was all Aaron. I could look into his eyes and see the same eyes his father had. Even though I was sure he didn’t understand entirely what was happening - he couldn’t have been more than three or four - I could see sadness in his eyes as he held onto Rossi’s hand. It only made my tears fall harder. 

“If Haley were with us today,” he went on to say. “She would tell us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life.”

“She would tell us…” Aaron looked down and swallowed, needing a minute to keep his composure, and I wanted nothing more than to hug him. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him in the way I had when he was shot and he’d looked at me with such fear in his eyes. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t seen him in a decade, and he didn’t even know I was here - those were only some of the problems with that. 

“She would tell us to love our families unconditionally…” His voice wavered and his lip quivered, if only for a moment. I choked back a sob, placing a hand over my mouth and taking a deep breath to try and steady myself. “And to hold them close. Because in the end, they are all that matter.

“I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school’s production of _‘The Pirates of Penzance.’_ ” I laughed quietly, taking the opportunity to wipe my tears yet again - I knew this story. It was the first time I’d ever heard about Haley. “I found our copy of the play, and I was looking through it the other night, and I came across this passage that seemed…appropriate for this moment. 

“‘Oh, dry the glistening tear that dews that martial cheek. Thy loving children hear, in them thy comfort seek. With sympathetic care, their arms around thee creep. For, oh, they cannot bear, to see their father weep.’”

With Aaron’s eulogy over, we all stepped forward and placed our white roses on top of the slate gray casket. When it was my turn, and I found myself inches away from Aaron, the closest I’d been to him in years, I gently sat my rose on the lid. I let my hand linger on the cool metal for just a moment, before walking away. Our eyes met just again, for mere seconds, before I walked away. 

But something stopped me from going straight back to my car. I stopped a few feet away, just far enough that I wouldn’t be noticed, and watched as Aaron picked up his young son. He held him in his arms, holding him out so that he could place his own rose with everyone else’s, then setting his right next to it. 

I could see him whisper something to his son, and then soon after Jack placed his palm against his lips, blowing a kiss towards the woman who would soon be lowered into the ground. 

I looked away, covering my mouth with knuckles. Aaron looked so ready to break, but even now he was refusing to show no emotion in public. I wanted to run over to him, to tell him that it was okay to cry. But I couldn’t. 

Because I realized in this moment, that I had to let him go. 

I couldn’t hold on to Aaron anymore - he’d never really been mine to hold onto in the first place. I knew that I had to let go, the silver ring on my hand was reason enough of that. But as frustrated and angry as the thought made me, I knew that a little, or maybe even a large, piece of my heart would always belong to him. And that would mean whatever that would come to mean. 

But right now, it meant pushing my feelings aside, shoving them into a metaphorical box, and letting him go. 

– – –

Once Aaron had finished his eulogy, he took a deep breath before folding his paper and gently putting it back in his pocket. He watched as family and friends began placing the single white roses they had been given on top of the casket. The team pressed caring and gentle hands to his shoulders as they walked past, knowing he would see them later at the reception. 

He watched as an unknown, yet somewhat familiar figure stepped up, slowly placing her rose alongside the dozens of others. Their eyes met for just a moment, and in his grief and emotions he didn’t notice the familiar combination of citrus shampoo and perfume wafting past his nose as she left. However, his brain noticed it just long enough to file the memory away for a later time.

And when that same figure stayed back behind from the others, watching him for a moment before shooting him a smile, he didn’t notice that it was the same smile that used to turn his bad days into good ones. 

And years later, once we would realize that, his heart would break all over again. 

Because he had decided to let her go years ago. Or, well, try to let her go, and a few years later he would realize just how wrong he was. .


	15. Transfer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Maybe one day we’ll meet again and explain to each other what really happened. Maybe one day we’ll finally understand. Until then, I hope you live your best life. And I hope you really do all the things you always said you wanted to do.” -R.M. Drake_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i'm so bad at posting and i'm so sorry. i'll try to do better i swear.

_**FOUR YEARS LATER** _

_**“Alright, I think all that’s left is your closet,” Aubrey said as she reentered, looking around my living room at all the recently packed and sealed cardboard boxes. She gave me a watery smile, which I returned with one of my own. Aubrey was someone I was going to miss the most.** _

_**We grabbed a few of the remaining empty boxes and walked back into my bedroom, most of that takedown having been done by myself and Mikey yesterday. The last of the remaining sunlight, which was coming earlier and earlier now that it was November, streamed in from the large windows I loved so dearly as we began pulling the hangers from my closet. Some clothes went into a donation pile, a few went into the trash, and most went into suitcases or boxes.** _

_**I sighed once I got to the white garment bag hanging in the back of my closet. I should have returned it ages ago, but I just hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it. I ran my hand over the edge, remembering how much I had loved the dress from the moment I saw it. My thumb ran over my ring finger, now devoid of any metal band.** _

_**“You have nothing to be sorry about, you know,” Aubrey said softly, coming up behind me and squeezing my shoulders, her chin now resting on them as well. “You’ll find someone, and so will he.”** _

_**_If only she knew._ ** _

_**I just nodded. “I know. Do me a favor - make sure this gets sent back or given to someone who needs it, okay?” Aubrey nodded.** _

_**I began pulling everything out of my chest of drawers, feeling my face heat up when I found an old t-shirt of Aaron’s I had ended up having in my possession after he left - I still didn’t know how I’d ended up with it. I’d spent several nights during those first few weeks after he left wearing it to sleep, just inhaling his scent that had still lingered in the fabric. In a fit of anger one night, I had thrown into the back of this drawer and left it there for the last fifteen years. I’d forgotten I still had it until now.** _

_**I found myself shoving it into one of the cardboard boxes marked _Clothes_ before sealing it shut with several strips of packing tape.** _

_**When I looked up, Aubrey was looking at me. I gave her a look, a smirk pulling at my lips. “What?”** _

_**She shook her head, now grinning. “I just can’t believe you’re going to be a bigshot profiler.”** _

_**“I can’t either, honestly,” I said with a laugh.** _

_**“I’m going to miss you,” she said, and I could see her eyes becoming misty. “I don’t know how I’m going to handle Everett without you.”** _

_**I laughed, tears welling up in my own eyes. “Aub, you could handle him before I got here, I think you’ll be just fine now.”** _

_**She crossed the room, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug. I buried my face in her shoulder, letting a few tears flow freely as I thought about how much I was going to miss the woman who had been my best friend over the last decade and more. We had helped each other through so much, and now I was going to be all on my own.** _

_**Once she pulled away, she sniffled to try and regain composure before taking a look at her watch. “I better get going, but Everett and I will meet you here in the morning to drive you to the airport.”** _

_**I nodded, saying goodbye before she left. Mikey and Andrew came over around an hour later to help the movers load everything I was taking to D.C., which wasn’t much other than a few pieces of furniture and some clothes. They loaded them onto the truck to start the drive tonight, and I was grateful I had gone down a few weeks ago for a weekend to apartment hunt.** _

_**We had one last family dinner at my mom’s, both of my brothers and their wives being in attendance as well as their kids, most of them being close to teenagers now.** _

_**The next morning, I woke up early, unable to sleep any longer due to a bundle of excitement and nerves that had settled into my chest.** _

_**I got dressed, then ran around my apartment making sure that I had packed everything I wasn’t leaving behind. I made sure I had my boarding pass and ID ready to go in my purse, as well as my credentials and the paperwork on my service weapon that was residing safely in the suitcase I would be checking.** _

_**Aubrey and Everett arrived, coming and knocking in my door. Ever the gentleman, even after everything, Cole grabbed the larger suitcase and took it down to the SUV they had borrowed to drive to the airport. I took one last look around my apartment, drinking in the now empty walls before pulling the front door open and locking it. I handed off my key to the super, thanking her for everything before taking one last ride on the elevator down to the car.** _

_**We got out at the airport, each of the three of us rolling a suitcase and checking each of them at the airline desk. My mother and Mikey entered soon after, and I smiled to even find Collins filing in behind them. We all exchanged greetings before the six of us walked over to the TSA lines. I turned to the others, all of us knowing this was where we would have to part.** _

_**My eyes flitted over everyone, my family, my friends, and my boss who I also considered a friend. “I’m going to miss you guys,” I said with a watery smile.** _

_**“We’re going to miss you too,” Everett said with a smile, but I could see the sadness reflected in his eyes. “But you’re going to kill it as a profiler - no pun intended.”** _

_**I laughed. “I hope so, but, _oh_ , am I going to miss you.”** _

_**He gave me another hug, and Aubrey wrapped me in an embrace after. We didn’t say anything, knowing that if we did we’d both start crying again.** _

_**“You deserve this job,” Mikey said.** _

_**“He’s right,” Collins said, a proud smile on his face. “You deserved it fifteen years ago and you deserve it now.”** _

_**I smiled, my chest swelling with pride at the compliment. “Thank you, Greg. I’m going to miss you being my boss.”** _

_**“Yeah, well, you’ll have good superiors at Quantico too,” he said with a knowing smile, and I felt like there was something he wasn’t telling me.** _

_**“Thank you for everything,” I said with a smile, before giving him a quick hug.** _

_**“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”** _

_**“I won’t,” I said. I gave Aubrey one last hug, along with my mom and brother, promising both of them I would be back for a visit soon, before taking a deep breath.** _

_**I grabbed the handle of my carryon and walked over to hand my boarding pass and ID off to be scanned by security. I turned back, finding all of them smiling proudly back at me. I sent them all one last wave and smiled. I saw Everett’s arm around Aubrey’s shoulder, her leaning into him as tears ran down her cheeks, and I hoped he would get his happy ending after everything.** _

_**An hour later, I could hear my flight being called as I sat at the gate. I stood, gathering my belongings as I stood from the leather chair. My boarding pass was scanned one last time, the man giving me a kind smile as he handed it back to me. I settled into my window seat, gazing out the window at my city one last time as the plane took off.** _

_**––––** _

_**It was late by the time my plane finally landed at Dulles. We’d had a two hour layover at O’Hare, and I was grateful to finally be out of airports and planes. I grinned when I saw who was waiting for me at my gate.** _

_**“Rossi!” I said, feeling a little more pep in my step despite the exhaustion at the sight of my friend.** _

_**“Y/n!” He said, his face breaking out into a grin as he pulled me in for a tight squeeze. As expected he pulled away to put his hands on my face and kiss both of my cheeks.** _

_**“It’s so great to see you,” I said with a smile.** _

_**“You too,” he said. He handed me a bouquet of roses. “These are for you.”** _

_**“Aww, Rossi!” I said. “You shouldn’t have! They’re beautiful.”** _

_**He shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just a little something from all of us to say congratulations and welcome to the team.”** _

_**“Well, thank you,” I said gratefully.** _

_**“Speaking of the team, they just finished a case,” he said. “They should be landing soon. Want to swing by Quantico and meet everyone?”** _

_**I frowned, looking down at my watch. “Isn’t it a little late for that?”** _

_**Dave waved off my concerns as we began walking to baggage claim. “Not at all! They’ll be there for a bit doing paperwork. And then our unit chief is always locked away in his office. Well, I mean, you would know, he was always that way when-”** _

_**My phone pinged, and Rossi’s stopped speaking as he looked at me. “Everything okay?”** _

_**I nodded, looking at the texts from Aubrey and Everett. “Yeah, yeah! It’s just my old partners making sure I got here okay.”** _

_**Rossi nodded. “What were you saying?”** _

_**He looked at me, like he had forgotten what he had been saying before my notification cut him off. “I don’t know, honestly. I guess it wasn’t very important.”** _

_**I laughed. “Guess it wasn’t.”** _

_**As we stood in front of the conveyor belt, watching dozens of suitcases go around as they waited for their owners to claim them. I replayed our conversation in my head, frowning when I realized something. “Rossi, you said the team just got back on a case. Did you not go with them?”** _

_**He shook his head. “They left two days ago, and I thought you would get here before they got back, so I said I’d stay back so I could meet you.”** _

_**“You didn’t have to do that!” I said, a little surprised.** _

_**He shrugged. “I wanted to make sure I was the first face you saw.”** _

_**I rolled my eyes well-meaningly as the first of my suitcases coming around for me to grab. Rossi grabbed the second, coming in right behind it when he saw the matching piece of fabric I’d tied around the handle for identification.** _

_**“How many suitcases do you _have_?” Rossi asked after we had grabbed the third.** _

_**I giggled. “That’s the last one. I had to move my whole life here!”** _

_**“That’s what a moving truck is for,” he countered as we left the airport.** _

_**“Yeah, and that’s where the rest of my stuff is. It should be here tomorrow.”** _

_**“ _Women_ ,” Rossi said as he rolled his eyes. We loaded everything into the trunk of one of the Bureau’s SUVs before driving us to Quantico. I watched as the capitol rolled by the windows, acclimating myself to what I would see everyday on my drives to work.** _

_**Once we were at Quantico, he led me inside. I would need a new identification badge, but for now I could use my credentials to be cleared.** _

_**Once we were in the elevator, Dave pressed the button for the sixth floor, and when the doors reopened I could see the glass doors of the BAU’s office. The light in the office was dim, the night seeping in through the large windows. There was a light on in one of the upper offices, and I could see a silhouette hunched over a desk inside. The rest of the unit was mingling around in the bullpen area, talking amongst themselves.** _

_**They all turned as they heard the doors open, their eyes landing on Rossi and I.** _

_**“Everyone,” he said with a small smile, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “This is SSA Y/n L/n, our new agent, and one of my dear friends. She comes to us as a highly respected agent from the Seattle field office, and is an incredibly gifted profiler.”** _

_**I felt my face flush at Rossi’s kind words, watching as each member of the team gave me warm smiles. “Y/n, this is everyone.”** _

_**I made my way closer, beginning to greet and become acquainted with everyone. The first person I came to was a tall man, a few tattoos visible under his shirt sleeves. “I’m Derek Morgan.” He gave a nice firm handshake, which I returned with a smile.** _

_**“Hey, I’m Penelope Garcia!” The blonde next to him said, her bright pink sweater making a stark contrast to the others. She pulled me into a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you!”** _

_**“You too,” I said, giggling.** _

_**“I’m Jennifer,” another blonde said, giving me a soft smile. “Everyone calls me JJ.”** _

_**“Hi,” the woman next to her said in a soft voice, extending her hand. “I’m Alex Blake. It’s nice to finally meet you - we’ve heard lots of good things, mostly from Rossi.”** _

_**“Well, then I’m not sure how credible the source is there,” I said with a laugh.** _

_**The tall man next to her gave me a wave. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.”** _

_**“He doesn’t do handshakes,” JJ said with a laugh.** _

_**“So many pathogens can be transmitted through a handshake. It’s-”** _

_**“It’s actually safer to kiss, right?” I said, giving him a knowing smile. His eyes seemed to light up once he realized I knew the rest of his fact.** _

_**“Wait, we’re missing someone,” Blake said, looking around. “Where’s-”** _

_**The door to the office I had noted earlier opened, and the world seemed to stop when the figure stepped out onto the catwalk.** _

_**Standing there, staring down at the group of us standing in the bullpen, was Aaron Hotchner.** _

_**My mouth suddenly felt dry, and I could feel everyone’s eyes staring at us.** _

_**“Y/n, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner,” JJ said slowly, her eyes flickering between the two of us as he walked down the steps towards me. “He’s our unit chief.”** _

_**Aaron was now standing in front of me, and I suddenly felt overwhelmed at the fact we were both knowingly seeing each other for the first time in fifteen years. All the time I had spent on compartmentalizing everything that had, or rather hadn’t, happened between the two of us, was suddenly going to waste. I suddenly felt sad, angry, confused, all at once. So when he tried to bring it all up, I did what I did best:** _

_**I changed the narrative.** _

_**“Y/n, it’s nice to s-” he began to say, the little smile I used to love so much on his lips, but I cut him off.** _

_**“It’s nice to meet you, Agent Hotchner.” I said, giving him a tightlipped, polite smile.** _

_**While his face remained stoic, I could see his eyes falling at my words - apparently the skills I had developed in order to read him all those years ago were still there. The tension around us was thick enough that you could slash it with a knife, every member of the team watching with seemingly baited breath. They were profilers, of course they knew something wasn’t right here.** _

_**After a beat, perhaps a beat too long, he held his hand out to me. “Nice to meet you too, Agent L/n. Welcome to the team.”** _


	16. History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald_

I nodded, giving him a courteous smile. I looked around at the other members of the unit, and I could see that even though they were all exhausted, they knew something was up between the two of us. 

“Well, I think I’m going to head to my hotel for the night,” I said, giving them all a smile. “It’s been a long day and I’m beat.”

JJ nodded. “Of course. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“It was great to meet you,” Morgan said, and they all gave me smiles once again as Rossi and I left the office. 

The car ride to my hotel was filled with an awkward silence. I knew Rossi was wondering about the scene between Aaron and I at the office, but he wasn’t yet asking questions. 

He dropped me off, with me promising him that I would be okay to take the metro to work tomorrow - finding a new car was near the top of my list of things I needed to do within the next week. 

Once I was in my room, I showered and put on my old, worn in flannel pajama pants and an old academy t-shirt. I flopped down onto the bed, the exhaustion seeping into my bones as I drifted into a deep sleep. 

The next morning, I tried to write what had happened yesterday out of my mind, wanting today to be a fresh, official start. I put on one of my favorite outfits, pulling half my hair up to keep it out of my face, finishing just in time to catch the metro out to Quantico. After a few minutes of confusion and google searches, I found the correct line to get on and an empty seat. I went through my bag and go-bag multiple times, making sure each had everything I needed. 

After a few stops, the automated voice came through the speakers, alerting everyone that we had arrived at Quantico. I gathered all my belongings, stepping out onto the street. I walked to the FBI’s home on the base, flashing my credentials and new ID badge that I had gotten before I left the night before. As I pressed the button for the sixth floor, I tried to juggle the box in my hand along with everything else, and I was having déjà vu to my first day as an agent, carrying my large box and coat into the Seattle office. 

But I wasn’t in Kansas anymore - or, rather, Seattle. The elevator doors slid open, and I stepped out with confidence, using my back to push open the glass doors of the office. The bullpen was empty of all, except for Rossi, who was standing at the kitchenette making a cup of coffee. 

“Morning,” he said with a smile, raising the mug to his lips to take a sip. 

“Good morning, Dave,” I said, setting my box down at the desk I had been told I could claim. I pulled off my coat, shaking off the little bit of rain on it from the shower that had started right as I walked in. 

I walked over, thanking him as he handed me an empty Bureau mug so I could pour my own cup.

“So…” he said slowly after a moment, his eyes looking straight ahead and occasionally flickering up to the office already occupied by Aaron as he leaned back. “Are you going to tell me what the hell was going on between you and Aaron last night?”

I sighed, turning so that I now leaned back against the edge of the counter as well. “I was wondering when that was going to come up.”

“Well, I almost brought it up last night, but I wanted to give you the chance to come up with your excuse.”

I laughed. “That’s fair.”

Dave watched me as I thought over my answer. And the truth was, I didn’t know my answer. 

I hadn’t known what, or rather, _who_ , to expect to see when I entered the BAU. I had honestly stopped keeping up with Aaron after Haley’s funeral, in an effort to let him go and move on. Even before then, I really hadn’t been all that sure of what he had been up to, and I definitely hadn’t known he was the BAU’s unit chief - I’d had no clue he was now my boss. 

Part of me had assumed that he had stepped down from the BAU after what happened with Haley and George Foyet, at the very least moving to a new department. I had heard a rumor that Section Chief Strauss had offered him early retirement, but even after all that time I had known that he wasn’t about to take that deal. But I honestly hadn’t thought he would still be a profiler after all these years. Seeing him had caught me so off guard, and I’d just wanted a clean slate. To forget everything that had happened between the two of us, forget everything I had and hadn’t worked through. 

Rossi spoke again before I ever had the chance. “I remember when I first met the two of you. You were inseparable, and now you’re at least _trying_ to act like you’ve never met. What happened?”

I took a sip of my coffee. “Let’s just say Aaron and I’s partnership didn’t end under the best of circumstances.”

He eyed my for a moment, and then realized I wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Just…” I said slowly. “Don’t tell the others. It’s not important, and they don’t need to know.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

Just then, as a few others started filing into the office, all wet from the rainstorm that was slowly intensifying, Aaron stepped out of his office. 

“L/n,” he said. “I need you to speak to you in my office, please.”

I nodded, trying to keep the expression on my face neutral as I climbed the short flight of stairs to his office. 

Once I was in the office, I shut the door. The room felt cold, an icy cold tension residing in the room. 

“Hotch,” I said stiffly, not meeting his gaze. 

There was a few seconds of silence, neither of us knowing what to say, before he spoke again. “What happened to Aaron?”

A huffed a laugh, though it was devoid of any humor, crossing my arms - I watched as his gaze fluttered onto the tanline of my ring finger, that one that had still yet to fade, if only for a mere second. “A _lot_ happened to Aaron.”

He nodded, seemingly understanding what I meant. He had remained standing while I entered, but he now sat back down in his office chair. There was a heavy silence between the two of us. 

“You could have told me about this,” I said, my voice low with my anger at the fact I’d had no warning to the fact we were now going to have to work together again. 

“Told you about what?” He asked. I shot him an icy stare, one that used to scare him when we were younger - he knew what I was asking about. 

“I assumed you knew,” Aaron answered. 

“Why would you assume anything?” I asked. “I haven’t seen you in fifteen years! I haven’t _spoken_ to you in _fifteen years_ , how could you assume I would know about this!” 

He sighed, and he knew I was right. “So, what happened last night?” He asked, changing the subject. “Are we going to keep up the charade that we’ve never met before?”

I shrugged, albeit a little surprised he wasn’t asking more questions - maybe that was later. “I don’t know. I mean, we don’t have to, that was just something I came up with on the spot-”

“So you don’t want them to know about our history?” He asked. 

I let out another humorless laugh. “What history, Hotch?”

I could see him shutting down, and if things were different I would feel bad, but right now, I didn’t. The rain could be heard against the windows as we spoke - how dramatic. 

“I mean, we were partners,” he said. “You were my best friend there for a while. And I mean, we sort of-”

“Stop,” I said, my head suddenly jerking in his direction as I felt where that sentence was going. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

I could feel tears stinging at my eyes, and they just made me angrier. “You left. _You_ , not me. So, no, there is no history there, because you left.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” he said softly, standing up and walking closer to me. I opened my mouth to argue, to say that you always have a choice, but he cut me off. “You know I couldn’t not take this job. And yes, I was upset that you didn’t get it too, but you can’t act completely innocent in this.”

I glared at him, and Hotch, his stubbornness still very much evident, continued. “You could’ve called. You could’ve written. You didn’t try to stay in contact after I left either. Your phone number may have changed but mine didn’t.”

“Well what did you expect?” I said, my voice raising, not even touching the fact he knew about my number changing. I knew he was right, but after fifteen years, I had a right to be stubborn. “You left without saying _anything_ to me. Collins had to tell me you left! Do you know how badly that hurt, what did or didn’t happen aside?”

He sighed, and I could tell we were both deadlocked. “I know.”

I took a deep breath, wiping a stray tear that had managed to fall, hoping he didn’t notice as I stood up straight. A crack of thunder could be heard out the window. “Just…just keep this between us. In here. This doesn’t need to interfere with anything else, okay? It doesn’t matter.”

I could tell he didn’t believe me - I mean, I didn’t believe myself, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.”

––––

The rest of the BAU watched through Hotch’s open blinds as he appeared to be in an argument - or, at the least, a heated discussion - with their new agent. They had all noted the stiff, awkward tension that had hung in the air when he had stepped down into the bullpen, they way both of their eyes had flashed in recognition. They had been lying, royally, in fact: they knew each other. 

As they watched the two talk with their hands, as well as their eyes and demeanors, they tried to figure out just how the two knew each other; what the history was between these two agents who had tried to convince a room full of profilers they had never met. 

“Does anybody know what happened there?” Morgan finally asked, speaking for the whole group, even if his question was more of the rhetorical sense than one that he actually expected to have an answer. Derek assumed, going off the faces of his friends, that they didn’t know either. 

They were all so focused on their own theories as to what happened, they nearly missed Rossi’s muttered response to Morgan’s posed question:

“Apparently, not as well as I thought I did.”

––––

Once Y/n had left his office, Aaron sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face before burying his face in both of them. It wasn’t that he’d necessarily expected their first interaction to go well, but the emotions that had sprung from the interaction were those that he’d done well to keep hidden for the last fifteen years. It was a bittersweet realization for him, seeing that Y/n’s fiery temper and sass were very much still evident. He couldn’t help but let a smile curl onto his lips at the thought, albeit a watery one. 

But a few minutes later, he found himself fighting back a tear. Because when he took a deep breath, he realized:

She still wore the same citrus shampoo and perfume combination that she did all those years ago. 

––––

A very familiar ringtone sounded through my hotel room, and I nearly ran over to my phone to answer it. 

“Thank _god_ ,” I said as I answered. “I _need_ to talk to you.”

“Well, it’s nice to hear from you too,” Aubrey said with a laugh. “How was your first day?”

“Interesting,” I deadpanned, flopping down onto my bed. “Last night might have been more interesting - actually, I’m not sure at this point. It’s honestly a bit of a trainwreck here.”

“What’s so interesting?” She asked with a laugh, and I could tell she was still in the office by the background noise. “And what’s such a trainwreck?”

“Guess who my boss is?”

“David Rossi?” She asked, the frown on her voice evident. 

“Not even close,” I said with a laugh, but this wasn’t funny. “Try Aaron Hotchner.”

Apparently Aubrey had picked that time to try and take a sip of water, because I immediately heard her start coughing on the other end of the line. I could already imagine what she looked like right now - taking another sip of water to calm down and sitting forward in her desk chair. “Hotch is _your_ boss?”

“Yep,” I said. “He is BAU Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner.”

“I thought that was a temporary thing?” She asked, and I could hear Cole’s muffled voice asking what was wrong. I could already see her waving him off. “I thought he was just unit chief until Gideon could take back over after Boston? Did it become permanent when he left or something?”

“Gee, Aubrey, I don’t know,” I said. “I didn’t think to ask - I was a little more preoccupied with the fact that we not only have to work together again, but that I report to him now.”

“Right, right, sorry,” she said. 

“No, I’m sorry,” I said, massaging my forehead. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“Would someone _please_ tell me what’s going on?” I heard an exasperated Everett ask. 

Aubrey sighed, and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, even from the other side of the country. “Can I put you on speaker? It’s pretty much just me and Cole in the office.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can put me on speaker.”

After a second, I heard Cole’s voice clearly on the other end of the line. “Hey Y/n! How’s life?”

“Hey Cole,” I said, a tired smile pulling on my lips. “It’s…interesting.”

“Tell him what you just told me,” Aubrey prompted. 

“Hotch is my boss.”

“Woah,” Cole said. “For real?”

“For real,” I said with a laugh. “And I had no idea until he walked out of his office last night. In front of everyone.”

“So,” she said. “What did you do?”

“I, um,” I said slowly as I held my head in my hand. “I acted like I didn’t know him.”

“How so?” Everett asked. “Like just ignored him or-”

“Like I shook his hand and said ‘It’s nice to meet you, Agent Hotchner.’” 

“Oh,” They both said, and I knew they were both looking at each other with pained looks. 

“Yeah,” I said slowly, and then I laughed. “And that’s just what happened last night.”

I was glad that Aubrey took that as me saying I wasn’t going to detail anything else on speaker. 

“Wow,” was all she said. 

“And you had no idea?” Cole asked. 

“I had absolutely no idea.”

“I think Collins knew though,” Aubrey said with a laugh. 

“You do?” Everett asked her. 

“I do too, yeah,” I said with a chuckle. “You could tell in the airport.”

“Okay, you might have a point,” he agreed. 

“We better let you go,” she said, and I could tell that none of us wanted to hang up. “You probably had a much busier day than I did, especially given, well, _that_.”

“Something like that,” I said. “Love and miss you guys.”

“Love and miss you, too,” they both said.

“Bye.”


	17. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“There is one pain, I often feel, which you will never know. It’s caused by the absence of you.” -Ashleigh Brilliant_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologizes if i didn't write signed conversations correctly!! anything italicized in that scene is meant to be signed though!

I felt multiple pairs of eyes on me as I worked on the consults Rossi and Hotch needed - a formality, I had been assured, but I worked on them nonetheless. After two days of working on them, I was nearly finished. My eyes flickered up to see JJ and Morgan watching me. I sat my pen down, folding my hands and looking up at them, an amused smile threatening to tug at my lips.

“Alright,” I said, looking between the two of them as their faces held a slight flush. “What?”

Derek and Jennifer looked between each other. She nodded, and he sighed, the two having a conversation with their eyes and nonverbal cues that I had yet to learn. Morgan finally spoke. “Is there something between you and H-”

“We’ve got a case,” the voice of who I could only assume was the person in question said as he emerged from his office with case files in his hand. The sound of wheels scraping against the floor of the bullpen could be heard as we made our way to the round table room.

Alex fell into step next to me, and I flashed her a smile. I didn’t know her well yet, or anyone at the BAU for that matter (except Rossi and, well, that was up for debate), but I felt like I could have a good friend in Blake.

“Ignore them,” she said, an amused smile tugging at corners of her lips. “They can’t help but pursue any form of gossip they can find.”

I laughed, playfully rolling my eyes at her comment. “I get it - I’m the shiny new novelty of the office, they need all the details.”

Alex laughed, letting me in front of her as we walked into the conference room. Garcia was waiting, the monitor cued and ready for her briefing as we all sat down in the chairs surrounding the table.

“Alright, my loves, and my new love, you all are heading to Augusta, Maine,” Penelope began, making me smile as she made crime scene and DMV photos appear on the screen. “A series of four girls have been found brutally tortured and stabbed over the last three weeks. They were all found dumped in various bodies of water around the city, the most recent being found in a public swimming pool. They were all found with signs of electric shock torture, water torture, starvation, as well as signs of being held for several days, the longest being four. It should also be noted that all the victims were found with shredded vocal chords.”

Garcia grimaced as she finished her overview, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit unhinged as well.

“It seems like the point of the torture could possibly be the shredding of the vocal chords,” I said thoughtfully, flipping through M.E.s reports and crime scene photos.

“So then, once their vocal chords are shot, the unsub kills them?” JJ asked, her brow furrowed.

“It would appear that way, but with so much that will remain unclear until we get on scene, we need to get going,” Hotch said. “Wheels up in thirty.”

All of us stood up from the conference room table, grabbing our go-bags and loading into two black SUVs to head over to the tarmac. We quickly loaded the jet, and were on our way to Maine.

“Let’s talk victimology,” Hotch said, drawing me from my conversation with Rossi and Alex.

“So, they’re all female victims, with no apparent preference for nationality or age,” Blake said, taking a look through the case file.

“But the oldest victim is only 28, so there’s possibly a preference for victims of that age and younger,” JJ said.

“There’s clearly sadistic tendencies in this unsub,” Reid said, his nose scrunched. “There may not be any sexual motivations behind it, but there’s clearly some form of enjoyment that the unsub gets from this.”

“Could there be more than one unsub?” I asked, looking around at the others.

“What makes you think so?” Morgan asked, and as I looked up at him I could see there was a genuine interest in his eyes along with his question rather than any form of disdain.

I shrugged. “I mean, it’s just a thought, but this is a lot of torture for one person to commit all on their own.”

“Well, they were held for several days at a time,” Rossi said.

“I know,” I said. “But it still just doesn’t seem possible that one person could do all this damage, even if they were a larger guy or in the best physical shape possible.”

“There could be some truth to that,” Hotch said, although neither of us would look each other in the eye as he said it. “It’s something that’s worth looking into when we get to Augusta. When we land, I want JJ and Morgan to come with me to the crime scene. Reid, I want you and Blake to go to the M.E.’s office, and L/n, you and Rossi head to the precinct to set up.”

We all nodded, confirming our assignments before we went back to our own conversations.

––––

“So, are you and Aaron going to start acting civil anytime soon or what?” Rossi asked as we got the conference room ready for the others. Even though his question was serious, I could hear a hint of humor in his voice.

I chuckled. “I don’t know. It’s just a little…awkward, right now.”

“Yeah, and not just for you two,” he mumbled under his breath. I knew I probably wasn’t supposed to hear that, but I laughed and rolled my eyes anyway.

“Got anything yet?” Hotch asked as he strolled into the room, JJ and Morgan on his heels.

I shook my head. “Not yet - the parents of the latest victim are on their way down here now.”

He nodded. “Are you okay with handling the interview?”

“Of course,” I said with a nod, making that the end of the conversation as I reached for one of the files on the table to review the information we had on our latest victim - a sixteen year old girl - before her parents arrived. I felt a pair of eyes on me as I did so, and it didn’t take Reid for me to know who it was. I ignored his stare as I soaked in all the information I could.

––––

“Garcia, do you have names?” JJ asked into the speaker on the conference room table.

“Yes!” She said. “Leo and Jasmine Taylor. Married for fifteen years, one child.”

“Wait,” she said suddenly. “Two kids.”

I frowned. “Two?”

“Well…one living,” she Garcia said sadly.

“Let me guess,” Blake said. “One’s death had something to do with water?” She asked, referring to the water burials.

“Yeah,” Penelope said, and I could hear the frown on her lips. “Their little girl, Charlotte, died five years prior to the day the first girl was kidnapped. She drowned in their backyard pool, and neither the parents or her older sister heard her screams for help. Oh, that poor girl.”

“That’s why they like to hear their victims scream,” I said.

“That’s probably not the only reason.”

Everyone frowned. “What do you mean, Garcia?” Spencer asked.

“Their older daughter, Caroline,” she said. “She was born deaf.”

A silence fell over the room, before I broke it. “So then…that’s why they get off on all the screaming.”

“Their house is silent without it,” Hotch said. “What’s the address?”

“Already sent to your phones,” Garcia said. “Be careful my loves!”

“Blake, you know ASL right?” Rossi asked as we strapped on our kevlar and headed out to the SUVs, a few members of the local PD filing out behind us.

Blake nodded. “Y/n, you know a little too, right?”

I nodded. “Enough to get by. I’ll stick with you.”

I could see a look of question in Hotch’s eye at that statement, but I didn’t give him an answer.

We arrived at the unsub’s location within twenty minutes - it was a cabin out in the woods. The screams of their latest victim were evident, the piercing sounds ringing out into the trees. Hotch quickly delegated half the team to the back, sending Blake and I along with Reid and himself to enter through the front.

We tried the doorknob, and as we assumed, it was locked. I looked over to Hotch, who was awaiting my gaze. He nodded, giving me the go-ahead. I backed a few inches away from the door, Blake and Reid following suit. I raised my foot, kicking the door in and allowing the four of us to enter.

Inside, there was a frightened, teenage girl sitting on the couch, cuddling with a stuffed Stitch.

 _“Hi,”_ Blake signed to her with a kind smile. _“Are you Caroline?”_

As she began to calm her down and see if she had any information, Hotch turned to me. “Nice to know you still know how to do that.”

I huffed a laugh, shaking my head as we all turned back to the girl on the sofa.

The girl simply nodded, her eyes reflecting the fear she felt.

 _“We’re with the FBI,”_ Alex signed, making sure she said everything she was signing aloud so Hotch knew what she was saying - I assumed Reid could probably interpret sign language.

 _“Are you parents home?”_ I asked her, giving her a smile as my hands did their best to remember the correlating signs to match my words - my signing skills were a little rusty.

She nodded, before signing, _“In the basement.” ___

__The four of us smiled. _“Thank you,” _Alex signed. She smiled and nodded - if only she knew what was happening under the floorboards.___ _

____We treaded carefully down the stairs to the basement, the screams that had stopped just long enough for us to communicate with Caroline began to intensify. After making sure everyone was ready, all of us having our service weapons drawn and aimed at the floor as Hotch opened the door._ _ _ _

____“Leo and Jasmine Thompson! FBI!” Hotch called out into the dark basement. My heart dropped at the sight of their newest victim hanging from chains on the ceiling. The wife had a cattle prod in her hand, and they both had a deer-in-the-headlights look in their eyes._ _ _ _

____“Put your weapons down and your hands in the air!” I yelled out, my fingers flexing around my gun. A clatter echoed through the basement as the cattle prod hit the floor. Both their hands flew into the air. Reid and Alex cuffed the husband-wife duo as Hotch and I worked to bring Addy, their newest and now last victim, down from the ceiling. Her sobs began to subside as we brought her down, with her feet now on the ground. Once he realized she didn’t have the strength to walk, he carefully looped his arm around her knees and carried her back upstairs._ _ _ _

____Poor Caroline looked distraught as she watched us come up the stairs with her parents in handcuffs and a girl her age in Hotch’s arms. Blake passed Jasmine off to Derek, and we walked back over to Caroline._ _ _ _

_____“Caroline, I need you to go upstairs and pack a bag, okay?” _I signed. She nodded.__ _ _ _ _

_______“Come on, I’ll help you,” _Blake said, holding out her arm and leading the girl upstairs.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I let out a deep exhale, running my hands over the top of my head to smooth back the flyaways as I caught my breath. Hotch caught my eye for a moment, one side of his mouth quirking up in a smile. I gave him a tightlipped smile in response before walking out of the cabin to see if there was anything I could do to help wrap things up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________––––_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I kept my hands around the now empty cup of coffee, trying to stay awake as we flew back to D.C.. JJ and Spencer sat across from me, trying to get to know me better as I did the same with them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hotch breezed back down the aisle, coming back from the small kitchenette with two fresh cups of coffee. He carefully sat one down in front of me, grabbing the empty one. I looked up at him, surprised. “Thanks.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He nodded. “Of course.” After a moment, he added, “Great job today.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I smiled. “Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hotch nodded again, before making his way back to his seat, likely to finish up his paperwork._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I kept talking to Jennifer and Reid, although I could tell JJ was picking up on the small cues in our conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A few minutes later, my phone vibrated on the table. I picked it up to see a text from Rossi, who I thought had been asleep:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________See? You two can act civil. Please continue to. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________I let out a quiet laugh, looking over to Rossi. His eyes were closed, like he was asleep, but the smirk on his lips said otherwise. I typed out a carefully crafted response._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Screw you. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.” – Anonymous_

“Alright, when we land, I want Morgan and Reid to come with me to the crime scene,” Hotch said, beginning to assign each of us with our post-flight destinations. “Dave, you and JJ head to the medical examiner’s office, and Blake, I want you and Y/n to set up at the precinct.”

Hotch made eye contact with me as he spoke again. “The wife of our latest victim should already be there, and I’d like you to interview her.” I nodded, looking back down to scan my file once again. Rossi shook his head, and I could see Alex studying me from the corner of her eye. 

Once the plan had touched down in Austin, we all began to head our separate ways. 

“I’ll drive,” Alex offered, flashing me the keys to the SUV that were in her hand. I nodded, giving her a smile. I opened the door to the passenger’s side, and Blake turned the key into the ignition. 

We drove to the precinct, and we began to ask each other questions about the other - I was still trying to get to know everyone.

After a few questions, and while we still had a bit to go in rush hour traffic, I heard her sigh. 

“Blake, what is it?” I asked, knowing that she was likely trying to decide whether or not to ask her next question. 

She shook her head. “It…it’s nothing.”

“Alex, I know that’s a lie,” I said, a small smile playing at my lips. “Just ask.”

She sighed again. “Is there…something between you and Hotch?”

I didn’t answer, a somewhat awkward silence filling the vehicle. She continued. “It just…feels like you two have a history or something. And I know I’m probably overstepping, so you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want-”

“Blake, it’s fine,” I said, and I figured what harm could it do to tell her. Something told me that she wouldn’t tell the others, and that maybe it would feel good to tell someone else. 

“We - Hotch and I - we used to be partners.”

Her eyes widened, and they flickered between me and the road. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I said, letting out a small laugh. “Back when he still worked in Seattle, so about fifteen years ago. It was both of our first placements.”

“Wow,” she said, and I could tell this explained a bit of what was going on to her. “What happened?”

This time it was my turn to sigh. “I guess it’s a little more obvious than I was hoping it would be. I guess it really started back when we met Gideon and Rossi. They flew out to help us with this serial robbery-homicide case we had.”

“The Emerald City Robbers?” She asked with a frown. I nodded.

“I remember that case,” she said. “It was a gang, right?” I nodded again. “I had no idea that was your case.”

“Yeah, well, from the very start, Gideon didn’t like me,” I said. “He had no problems with Hotch, only with me.” I let out a humorless laugh, shaking my head and looking out the window. 

“Don’t tell me,” Blake said, letting her voice trail off. 

“I mean, I never knew for sure,” I said, the both of knowing what she was alluding to. “But it was pretty obvious.”

“I’ve heard that about him,” she said. “I knew several other agents who felt like the reason they couldn’t get a position in the unit was because they were female.”

“A few years after this, one of my best friends at the time got a job in the unit - Elle. She loved it, but after she got shot it was just too much.”

She shook her head in disgust at Gideon as I continued. “Anyway, so, about a year later, there were two openings at the BAU. Hotch and I both applied, and we knew that we were both equally qualified. He has law degrees - I have criminology and psychology. Well, only one of us got the job-”

“And it was Hotch,” Alex finished. 

“Yeah…” I said, letting my voice trail for a moment. “Anyway, uh, so the day after he found out, he was on a plan for Quantico. He never told me he was leaving, and our boss told me at the end of the next day that he had transferred. He was my best friend, and he just left.”

“So, yeah,” I said, a chuckled devoid of any humor leaving my lips shortly after. “I guess I hold a little bit of resentment.”

“I don’t think I blame you,” Blake said. 

“Just, do me a favor,” I said, looking over at her. She nodded. “Don’t tell the others.”

She gave me a soft, almost watery smile. “Of course not. I won’t say a word.”

Alex parked the car in front of the precinct we would be working out of. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

––––

“Okay,” Blake said as she skimmed over the information we had on our four victims. “So far the only thing they have in common is that they were all students at the University of Texas?”

“Right,” I said, leaning back against the conference room table with my arms folded. “Which really doesn’t narrow it down much, since that’s still over 50,000 students.”

We all began to ponder on other connections.

“What were their majors?” Hotch asked. 

That question sent wheels turning in my head - there had to be a connection within the college, if the connection wasn’t the school itself. 

Reid began looking through the students’ records. “No connection in the majors - one was a majoring to become a radiologist, one a science teacher, one in forensic science, and one in oceanology.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, looking to Hotch out of habit. “Their majors-”

“They’re all science based,” Hotch filled in.

“Right.” I began to start thinking. “So, if all these students were sophomores or freshman-”

“Then they’d still be taking their required courses,” he said. 

“Meaning that there might be one class that they all had together,” I said. 

“And that’s their connection with the unsub.”

“Exactly,” I replied, concluding the exchange with Hotch as I began dialing Garcia’s number in my phone. “Garcia, I need you to cross reference all four victims class schedules together and see if there was one class they all had together.”

“It would likely be a science class,” Hotch said, and I looked to him with a brief nod, even though Penelope couldn’t see it. 

“Absolutely,” she said, her fingers flying across her keyboard. “They all had the same chemistry class - Chemistry 230 with Professor Donnelson.”

“There could be a connection within this class,” I said. “They could have been lab partners-”

“Right,” Hotch said, the two of us working around each other like there was no one else in the room - if I’d looked to the others, I would have seen their mouths hanging slightly ajar. “Or, they could have been seat partners, gotten homework answers - it’s likely anything the unsub sees as a connection to himself.”

“It’s worth checking out,” I said. 

“I agree,” Hotch said, and when he looked away from me, I realized what had just happened. I physically shook my head, realizing how surprised the others were - except Alex and Dave, who were failing to hide their smiles (Rossi more so than Blake). 

At that moment I hadn’t been treating Hotch like Hotch - I’d been treating him like Aaron. A strange feeling, but one that I’d be lying if I said wasn’t slightly welcomed. But I wouldn’t cave - not yet. 

“I want to check this out,” he said. “Y/n, you and Blake come with me to the campus.”

We both nodded, and as soon as Hotch grabbed the keys, I threw my blazer back over my shoulders and we left the precinct. 

––––

“What are you doing?” JJ asked Morgan as he pulled his phone from his pocket. 

“Calling Garcia,” he said simply. 

“Why?” Reid asked. “The others went to check out the lead, and she probably can’t give us any information.”

“It’s not anything about the case.”

“Then why are you calling her?”

“Because, pretty boy, there’s something those two aren’t telling us,” he said. 

Spencer frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He means that they clearly have a history, they just won’t tell us what it is,” JJ said. “But what can Garcia do to help?”

“She can do one of her level four background searches or something and see where their paths have crossed before,” Morgan said, just as the three of them heard Penelope pick up. 

“What can I do for you, chocolate thunder - and, my other lovelies?”

“Garcia, we want you to do some digging on L/n,” JJ said, her voice a few octaves lower than normal even though they knew both Hotch and Y/n had long since left the precinct.

“Ooh, what about our lovely and drop-dead gorgeous new agent?” She asked, and they could hear her already typing away at her keyboard. 

“We need to know if she and Hotch are connected in some way,” Morgan said. “Maybe they worked together on a task force, on a case - something. There’s no way those two don’t know each other.”

“Oh thank god,” Penelope said, her tone reflecting relief. “I was hoping someone would ask, thereby giving me permission, to do this search.”

The three agents frowned. “Has not having permission ever stopped you before?” Morgan asked. 

“No, but this is about Hotch!”

“And Y/n?” Spencer asked with a furrowed brow. 

“Oh, please,” Garcia said. “Once you’ve been here for a while you can expect me to respect your privacy, but until then I can search anything I want about you.”

“That’s comforting,” JJ said, and the other two men chuckled. 

“Alright, my friends, I am currently running cross referencing our fearless leader’s background with Y/n’s and - oh my god.” JJ, Reid, and Derek all frowned. 

“What?” Morgan asked. “Did you get a hit?”

“Uh, yeah,” Penelope said. “A big one.”

“What is it?” Jennifer asked. 

“They were partners.”

Everyone’s eyes widened. They’d all known there had to be some connection, but they hadn’t expected one that extreme. 

“Partners?” JJ asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” Garcia said. “Right out of the academy, they were both placed into the Seattle field office, and they were assigned to be partners. They worked together for two years before Hotch was transferred here to the BAU.”

“Wait a minute,” Morgan said. “I knew that.”

JJ and Reid looked at him. “You did?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t know I did,” he said. “There was a case years ago where we had to go to Seattle. Uh, the Seattle Strangler case. He mentioned her on the way there, but that’s the only time he ever mentioned her. We never saw her, so I never made the connection.”

Morgan’s phone pinged, and he opened up the file Garcia had just emailed him. He opened it to find an old photograph of their unit chief and their new agent. Neither of them had changed much - Hotch had a few more wrinkles and shorter hair, and L/n seemed to wear more business casual rather than a leather jacket, but they hadn’t changed much beyond those things. Hotch was wearing the same goofy smile that he had on his ID badge. 

“So that’s what it is,” Morgan said, crossing his arms and looking at JJ and Reid. “They were partners.”

“And damn good ones at that,” a new voice said. 

All three heads swiveled to the doorframe of the conference room, where Rossi was now standing. 

“And with that, I am going to hang up,” Penelope said - even she had been able to feel the tension from halfway across the country. 

“You knew?” JJ asked. 

Dave simply nodded, pulling one of the chairs out and sitting in it. The others sat down again as well. “I’ve known for a long time.”

Morgan smirked. “How long is a long time?”

“Since 1997.” The other’s jaws dropped. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” JJ asked.

Rossi shrugged, like this wasn’t the seemingly life-altering observations the others thought it was. “Y/n asked me not to. And although I never asked Aaron what his opinion was on the matter, I think he probably feels the same way.”

“So, you knew them back then?” Reid asked. Dave nodded. “What were they like?”

Dave cracked a smile. “They were extraordinary. To this day, I’ve never seen two agents who work as well together as they did. They always knew exactly what the other was going to do - they were so in tune with each other. They were always finishing each other’s sentences, grabbing things before the other asked, knowing when to bring more coffee.”

“Were they close?”JJ asked. 

He nodded. “Best friends. Y/n was distraught when Aaron got shot during the case Jason and I went up there for - that was when I met them.”

“So what happened?” Derek asked. “They tried to act like they’d never met before when L/n got here, and she acts like she can’t stand him.”

Dave sighed. “Now that, not even I know. Neither of them have ever told me what happened there. All I know, is that it’s a shame.”

––––

“This doesn’t make sense,” I said, running a frustrated hand through my hair. We’d been here for three days, and even after a trip to the campus were still unable to find a connection between these victims and the unsub. 

“The connection has to be through this class - it’s the only thing that makes sense,” JJ said as she paced the length of the conference room. 

“Wait a second,” Reid said, and he suddenly bolted up from the chair he’d been sitting cross-legged in. 

“What is it?” Alex asked with a frown as he began looking through some of the papers Professor Donnelson had given us on our visit there earlier. 

“At the start of the murders, some of the students in that class started to work on a lab,” Spencer said, the sound of shuffling papers ceasing once he found the one he was looking for. “It was for extra credit, but all our victims took on the assignment.”

“Yeah,” I said, remembering what the professor had told us earlier. “If any of the students get to the objective, they get, like, $5,000 a piece if they win. I don’t remember what it was, because it was something I’m not smart enough to understand - something biochem related I think - but apparently it’s a big deal and they’ve only ever had like, three pairs ever figure it out.

“Wait a minute,” Dave said, beginning to piece it together himself as Reid and I did. “Are you two saying that it has something to do with the lab?”

“Sort of,” Spencer said. “I think it has more to do with the concept of the lab partners.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow, so I explained. “Think about it - the unsub didn’t kill both lab partners, he only killed one. And he only killed students who were participating in the lab, not the others who weren’t.”

“And he’s most likely a student in that class, because there’s no other way he would know,” Reid said, and the two of us looked at each other with small, barely there, satisfied smiles.

“So what would have set him off?” Hotch asked. 

“We can’t be sure without looking into the background of the other students - thankfully it’s a small class - but likely something to do with a lab partner of his own. Maybe he had his idea stolen, or at some point had his partner drop out and leave him on his own, I’m not sure.”

“Not like you would know anything about that, right, Hotch?” I muttered to myself. But once I was met with his glare, I realized I’d said that out loud. This glare was slightly different from the others - this one said, _we’ll talk later_. I hadn’t really meant to say the words out loud, to stir that pot, but it wasn’t something that I was regretting. 

“Babygirl,” Morgan said, already having Penelope on the line. “I need you to find out if any of the students in Donnelson’s chemistry class have had anything in their backgrounds that suggest they’ve had something go wrong with a lab partner.”

I could tell Morgan couldn’t believe the words he was saying, so I said, “I know it sounds weird, but I think this could be it.”

“Actually, yes,” Garcia said, and I could tell even she sounded surprised. “Logan White, age 20, entered into a huge science competition two years ago with Brian Simmons. The winners would have received a huge cash prize and internships with John Hopkins doing cancer research. But, Brian pulled out of his partnership with Logan two weeks before the actual contest and partnering with Sarah Hollins, who combined their ideas and won.”

“Ouch,” Morgan said. 

“And both of those people were just announced as permanent residences on the John Hopkins staff.”

“Got an address?” Rossi asked. 

“Two,” she said. “One to his apartment, the other to a warehouse owned by his father, since you all were thinking the locations were dump jobs.”

“Garica, you are a genius,” Derek said as he hung up. 

“Alright, I want JJ, Morgan, Reid to head to the apartment. Rossi, L/n, Blake and I will take the warehouse.”

As I stepped into the passenger seat of the SUV when we got outside, I knew I was in for it. Rossi and Alex acted like they weren’t paying attention while Aaron started in. 

“You were out of line.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time either of us were out of line, now would it?”

“Look,” Hotch said, his jaw tight as he stared at the road ahead of him. “If you wanted to pick a fight over this, which you have every right to, you shouldn’t have done it now.”

“Well, when should I have?” I asked, knowing I was antagonizing the situation. 

“For starters, once we were home and we could have gone into my office,” he offered. 

“You were the one who left,” I said bitterly. 

“Y/n, you knew I needed to take this job,” he said, although I could almost hear an ounce of regret in his voice, but it didn’t help me. “You knew I couldn’t just let this go.”

“And I needed _you_ , Aaron!”

“You could have applied again,” He said, a small hint of emotion in his voice, though he was trying to keep it steady. I was beginning to feel embarrassed we were having this fight, and a petty one at that, in front of Dave and Alex. “It didn’t have to be the end of things, but you made it that way.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” I said, almost darkly. “There was absolutely nothing I could do to get into the BAU back then, and you know it. And you know why.”

My gaze was practically drilling a hole into him, and when he briefly glanced at me, I could see a flash of fear in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again - he thought better of it. 

“Yeah, I know,” I said, a humorless laugh following the words as I shook my head. “How could I not? It doesn’t take an idiot to figure it out, Hotchner, nevermind a profiler. I knew that as long as Jason Gideon was still calling the shots in this unit, that I had no chance.” 

“This was the first opportunity I had to apply since then,” I said. “The first time since Gideon left the unit. So don’t you dare say that I could have just reapplied, because we both know that isn’t true.”

That happened to be the moment we stopped in front of the warehouse, and Hotch stepped out without a word - I had won this time. 

Even though I probably wasn’t supposed to, I could hear Rossi as he turned to Alex. 

“ _‘Hell hath no fury greater than a woman’s scorn’_ , indeed.”

––––

“Logan, you don’t want to do this,” Dave said, the four of us having our guns trained on him as he held a gun to what hopefully wouldn’t become a fifth victim’s head. 

“If you do this,” I said, hoping and praying a talk down would work - this guy was a different level of crazy. “No one will ever know of your work. No one will ever know about what Brian did to you.”

His eyes, which looked slightly glazed over, turned to me. “What?”

“We know about Brian,” I said, hoping this would actually help calm him down. “We know about what he did. How he stole your idea. And we can help you tell everyone what he did, and how it was all your idea.”

His gun was suddenly pointed at me - apparently the mention of Brian had set him off. 

_Oh no._

“No!” He yelled, and suddenly the gun went off. I felt a pain in my right bicep. 

“Ahh!” I said, grabbing my arm and feeling the blood soaking through my shirt. I swore as the pain rocketed through my arm, and I knelt to the ground. Mere seconds after White’s gunshot had gone off, another one had from one of our guns, hitting him in the shoulder. He let go of his victim, who ran over to Alex as Rossi cuffed him. 

Hotch came running over to me, kneeling next to me applying pressure to the wound - it had gone clean through. Rossi came running over once he had handed off the unsub to the local cops. Alex wasn’t far behind him. 

“Guys, I’m fine. I promise,” I said, but the fact my face kept contorting in pain likely said otherwise. “It’s just a flesh wound.”

Alex eventually took over her button down, leaving her in a crisp white t-shirt as Hotch wrapped it around my arm to stop the bleeding as we waited for the paramedics.

“You’re letting the medics check you out,” Hotch said bluntly. 

I rolled my eyes. “Hotch, I’m fine,” I said, but at that moment, a shot of pain went through my arm, making me hiss in pain. 

He gave me one of his signature looks. “Fine.”

Hotch placed a gentle hand on my back, steering me over to one of the awaiting ambulances. I sat on the edge, letting the paramedic clean and properly bandage my wound. He stayed standing next to me the entire time, watching either the paramedic or me intently. 

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked as she came over a few minutes later. 

I shrugged with the arm that wasn’t currency being bandaged. “I’m okay. Sorry I ruined your shirt, though.”

She laughed. “It’s fine. It was about time for me to get rid of it anyways.”

“You’re good to go,” the EMT said, giving me a smile. “All things considered, it was a good shot.”

“Yeah,” I said with a laugh. “About as good as one can be.”

Aaron had a small smile on his face, and I met him with one of my own. For a split second, things almost felt normal. Or rather, like what normal would have been fifteen years ago. 

“Let’s head home.”


	19. Aidan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“There’s a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don’t mean for now, or until I’ve found somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there’ll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.” -Beau Taplin_

“Hotch, really, you don’t have to drive me home,” I said, though I wasn’t fighting him as his gentle hand on my back pushed me towards his own SUV. “I’ll be fine.”

“Y/n, you’re exhausted, it’s late, and you just got shot,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m driving you home.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off. “Y/n, you spent a good portion of the two years we worked together arguing with me, a former prosecutor. Do you really want to spend the next ten minutes standing here, in the cold, arguing about whether or not I’m going to drive you home, when you know I’m going to anyway?”

There was almost a smile on his lips, almost. I sighed, and there was a smile on mine. “Fine.”

The sound of the wheels against the pavement was the only thing that could be heard as Hotch drove me home, no words being exchanged. There was so much that needed to be said, and we both knew it, but neither of us knew where to start, or wanted to be the first to break. 

We pulled up to my apartment building, and Hotch came around and opened my car door for me. He proceeded to follow me into the elevator, watching as I tried to find the right key. Once I found the one, I let him follow me inside, knowing Hotch well enough to know that he was probably going to wait until he knew I would make it through the night. 

“Alright, well, I’m going to take a shower,” I said. “You can make yourself comfortable.”

He nodded, pulling his suit jacket off and draping it across the back of the couch. I watched him for a moment, watching as he took stock of the photos on the shelves and on the mantle, his arms crossed as he looked through them. 

I walked down the hallway to my bedroom, flipping on the lights as I grabbed an old t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants to change into after I showered. Once I was out and dried my hair, before grimacing at the bandages that now probably needed to be changed. I pulled on the pajamas, smiling at the way the worn-in fabrics felt against my skin. 

I finally walked back into the living room, where Aaron was still standing and looking around. He turned when he heard me enter. His eyes scanned me from head to toe. “Nice shirt.”

I frowned. “What?”

I looked down, and at that moment I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. 

I was wearing his old Georgetown t-shirt. 

My mouth felt dry, and I opened it, promptly closing it afterwards as I tried to formulate an answer as to why I was wearing his shirt, let alone why I still had it. I hadn’t even realized I was wearing it, I had just grabbed a shirt out of the drawer. I rarely ever wore it, or even looked at it for that matter, and the _one time I did._

“I was wondering what happened to that one,” he said, and judging by the fact I could see him pressing his tongue against his cheek, he was trying to hide a smirk. 

“Yeah, well, now you know,” I said dryly, setting my phone down on the coffee table as I rounded the couch. As I sat down, I noticed that there were two mugs of coffee resting on it. I picked one up - the one that was still full - shooting Hotch a small, grateful smile. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, moving to walk down the hallway. I nodded, taking a few sips of the warm coffee as he did who knows what down the hall. He came back with his arms full of medical supplies, setting them down on the table as he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. 

“What are you doing?” I asked. 

“Give me your arm,” he said simply, without answering my question. Without hesitation, I held out my injured arm to him. 

He pushed the short sleeve of the t-shirt up to my shoulder so he could clearly see what he was doing. He carefully unwrapped the gauze that had been placed there by the EMT, setting it aside. 

“Alright, I’ve got to clean it now, so this is probably going to hurt,” he warned. “But I assume that you know the drill.”

“Actually,” I said as he moved to grab the rubbing alcohol. “I think you would probably know the drill a little better than I would.”

He huffed a laugh. “Well, maybe that’s true. You seemed to be in a lot of pain there for a bit.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s been a minute since the last time I got shot.”

“When was the last time?” He asked, right as the rubbing alcohol doused cotton ball made contact with the gunshot wound. I hissed, my face scrunching as a substitute for jerking my arm away. 

“Sorry,” he said, and I could see sympathy in his features. 

“I know, I know,” I said with a small laugh. 

“Alright, the last time I got shot.” I thought about it, my eyes flickering to the ceiling as I tried to recall the date. “I think it was around four years ago? Maybe closer to five? It was 2008, I think.”

“What happened?” He asked, his eyes fluttering between mine and the work his hands were doing to show he was listening. 

“Umm, Aubrey and Everett and I were chasing a suspect in one of our cases, and we had each gone a separate way, and I was the one who went the right way and found him. He rounded on me and hit me right as Cole and Aubrey came around the corner.”

“Where’d you get hit?”

“Right here,” I said, lifting up my shirt with my other arm just enough to show him the scar on my ribs. “Lodged into a rib before it could do much damage, but it hurt like hell.”

“Yeah, I know how painful rib injuries can be,” he said, and I could tell he had experience in that area - something told me not to ask questions.

I hadn’t even noticed how long we’d been talking until I heard the snip of scissors, followed by a rip of tape. Aaron carefully tapped the bandage so that it wouldn’t come off. 

“You’re all set,” he said. 

“Thanks Aaron,” I said, giving him a small smile. His eyes seemed to register something - something like surprise - but I didn’t know why. 

I laughed softly, shaking my head and looking up at him. “Do you remember when you got shot? The first time anyway, I feel like there have been a few other times since then.”

He chuckled. “Well, I remember some of it - about as much as a person can when they’re high on morphine and adrenaline.”

I laughed. “That’s fair.”

His eyes met mine, his gaze soft, a little tired. “What about it?”

“I just…remember how completely terrified I was,” I said, my voice softer than I’d expected it to be - it still made me emotional at times. “I felt so useless, just sitting out in that waiting room with Rossi and waiting on the doctor. I was so scared I was going to lose you that day.”

I couldn’t help but think about how ironic it was, that I had been so worried about losing him that day, only for me to lose him a year later.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “One of the things I do remember about that day was how freaked out you were, but also how much you calmed me down that day.” I smiled, looking down at my hands. 

When I looked up, he seemed to be thinking about something now. I tilted my head as I watched him, seeing the gears turning. “What’s on your mind?” I prodded gently. 

“It’s just…” he said, his voice trailing off. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if it’s got you thinking this hard,” I said, biting back a smile at the fact this was something I always used to tell him when we were younger. 

“Haley cheated on me,” he said suddenly. 

My eyes widened, my stomach dropping at the statement. He’d stood and started pacing my living room, and I crisscrossed my legs on the couch as I watched him. “I had no idea.”

“No one does,” he admitted, although I could already tell that from his body language and slightly rushed words. 

“Well, I never knew for sure,” he said, his arms now crossed as he stared at the floor. “She never admitted it, but I could tell. Half the time I would answer the landline just for it to go dead, and then her cell phone would ring, and she’d never take those calls with me in the room. Her purse was practically glued to her all the time. She even stopped trying to argue with me - it was like she just didn’t care anymore.”

I sat silently, at a loss for words as I took in all the information. “Aaron, I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, and chuckled, but it was devoid of any humor. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this - I haven’t seen you in years.”

I smiled, ducking my head to hide it. “Maybe it’s the whole ‘being there when the other gets shot’ thing or something.”

A real smile pulled at Aaron’s lips - I could see it in his eyes. He chuckled, walking over and dropping back onto the couch next to me. 

“Yeah, maybe it is.”

But we both knew it was more than that.

“Anyways,” he said, his brown eyes meeting my gaze for a fleeting moment while he reached behind me to grab his jacket. “I better let you get some rest.”

He stood up, pulling his coat back on as he walked to the door. I turned, watching him as he left. 

He opened the door, pulling it open a few inches before turning back to me. “I’d give you the whole ‘I don’t expect to see you at the office until next week’ speech, but I know that would be a waste of my breath.”

I laughed. “That would be correct. I’ll be at the office bright and early in the morning.”

“Just…” He said with a sigh. “Don’t hurt yourself in the process. I still know you well enough to know when you’re overworking yourself, and I _will_ put you on desk duty - like I _should do anyway_.”

“Ooh, I’m scared now,” I deadpanned with a smirk. 

Hotch rolled his eyes. “Goodnight Y/n.”

I laughed. “Goodnight Aaron.”

––––

I grimaced, the painkillers starting to wear off after their fourth hour and making the pain in my arm more than just a dull throb. 

The office was dark, with only a few rows of the lights on and the light pouring from Hotch’s office - we were the only two left here. 

I pulled open the top drawers of my desk, grabbing the bottle of painkillers from where they rested on top. I unscrewed the lid, grabbed the prescribed amount and took them. 

“How many rounds of meds does that make today?” A voice asked. 

My head shot up, and I nearly choked on my water as I looked up to see Aaron leaning against the doorframe of his office. 

“There’s been a few,” I said, not meeting his eyes, knowing what he was getting at. 

He sighed, walking down the stairs to me. “I told you to not overdo it.”

“But I haven’t been!” I argued as he sat on the edge of my desk. “I’ve just been filling out paperwork!”

“Using the arm that has a bullethole in it,” he deadpanned. 

I pushed my tongue against my cheek, trying to think of an argument, but I came up empty. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right.” I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Prick.” He laughed. 

“So, besides patronizing me,” I said, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair. “What do you want?”

“To give you these,” he said, and he placed a ziploc bag of cookies on my desk. 

I frowned, picking them up and looking at them. They were chocolate chip, and I was immediately transported to the Christmases he used to spend at my house, the nights we stayed up late eating cookie dough and throwing flour at each other. 

“Hotch, I haven’t liked chocolate chip cookies in a long time,” I said. 

He gave me a look, folding his arms across his chest - I felt like I was being interrogated. “Really?”

The facade broke quickly. “Okay, no, that’s not true - I just really hate that you still know me this well.”

He laughed, and I opened up the bag. “But, I never took you for much of a baker, besides when we were together. So who made these?”

I found myself secretly hoping it wasn’t a girlfriend. 

“Jack,” he replied simply. 

My brows furrowed. “Who’s that?”

To my surprise, a smile bloomed on Aaron’s face. “My son: Jack Aidan Hotchner.”

With that, he stood up, walking back up to his office, calling out for me to “go home soon and get some rest.” I watched him, stunned. 

_Aidan._ I couldn’t move, I could barely process what he had just said. 

He’d named his son after our inside joke?

After all those years, I’d still crossed his mind often enough for that? I’d spent all those years thinking he never gave me a second thought, and the realization that maybe that wasn’t true made tears fall down my cheeks as I rushed to gather my things and leave.


	20. Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe_

“How’s your arm?” Morgan asked, looking at me from his desk, which sat across from mind. 

“I wish people would stop asking me that,” I said with a laugh. “But it’s fine.”

“Good,” he said, standing up from his desk and moving to sit on the edge of mine. I set my pen down and looked at him. “Was that the first time you’d been shot?”

I laughed. “Who do you think we work for - NCIS? Definitely not. This was the third time.”

“Which time was your worst?” He asked.

“The second time - 2008,” I said, thinking about the fact I had just told this story a few nights previous. “Chasing a suspect with my partners and I got hit in the chest. The bullet lodged in a rib, so it didn’t do too much damage, but it left a nasty scar.” 

“Oh, you wanna talk nasty scars?” Derek asked. “I’ve got them everywhere - arms, legs, chest. The worst is right above my heart.”

He pulled down the collar of his t-shirt just enough so that I could see the pale line etched across his collarbone. 

“What happened there?”

“Boston.”

I nodded, knowingly. “Ahh. I remember that.”

A silence settled between the two of us. “We stayed glued to the little tv in the office all day, just watching. I remember how scared I felt for all of them, especially Aaron.”

Morgan’s brows shot up, and I felt my eyes shut as I grimaced. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Morgan just nodded, but didn’t push, so I tried to change the subject. “Anyway, I think that was the moment I decided I was going to put trying to get into the BAU on the backburner for a bit.”

“Do you regret it?” He asked. 

I shook my head. “As a whole, not really. There are some aspects of the situation I regret, but I think staying in Seattle taught me a few things.”

I hadn’t noticed my thumb had begun rubbing my now vacant third finger until Morgan said something. “You were engaged?”

I rolled my eyes, a smile trying to bloom on my face. “Freaking profilers.”

He laughed. 

“Yes, I was,” I said, not going into detail. “We broke it off when we realized we wanted different things.”

People, was the more accurate word, but he didn’t need to know that.

He nodded, and I got the feeling he knew what I was talking about. “Well, I’m sorry.”

I waved him off. “Don’t be. I don’t think I’d be here if we’d gotten married - he wasn’t really interested in the whole profiling thing, and I’m not sure he would have ever left Seattle.”

Morgan stayed sitting on my desk, and after a few moments too long I looked up at him again. “Morgan, what is it?”

“It’s just,” He began, his voice trailing off. “It’s nothing.”

I rolled my eyes. “I think that’s this entire team’s response when I ask them what’s up and they want to ask me something about Hotch.”

“What happened there?” He asked. “Like, if you two were such good partners, why is there so much tension there now?”

I smirked. “So you guys know about that now?”

I chuckled at the fact Morgan almost looked embarrassed. “Uh, yeah. We…may or may not have called Garcia and had her look it up while we were in Austin.”

I paused for a moment, before shaking my head. “I’m honestly surprised it took you all that long.”

“Well, I think we all tried to give you all the benefit of the doubt and waited to see if one of you would tell us, but then that didn’t happen.”

“That’s fair,” I said with a laugh. “But, to answer your question, things just sort of fell apart there at the end.”

Derek nodded, crossing his arms. “Well, from what I’ve heard, you were a great team.”

I smiled ruefully, thinking back to that time - that feeling. “Yeah, yeah we were.”

––––

“Alright, what have we got?” Hotch asked as we along with Morgan entered the police precinct after taking a trip to the dumpsite of the latest victim. 

“The fiancé of the latest victim should be here any minute,” JJ said, moving around some files on the conference room table. 

Hotch turned to me. “Can you and Blake handle the interview?”

I nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Do it in the second conference room,” he said. “There’s a one-way glass and a speaker in there. I want to make sure this isn’t an angry fiancé trying to copy the MO of our unsub as a cover.”

I nodded, turning my head in time to see the woman in question enter the police station. Alex and I locked eyes, giving each other a nod as we walked out to meet her. 

We approached her carefully - it didn’t take a profiler (or a genius, for that matter) to be able to see she was in a fragile state. 

“Ms. Carmichael?” I said, giving her a soft smile. Her head swiveled towards the sound of my voice, and I took that to mean we had found the right person. 

“Hi,” I said, holding out my hand. “I’m Agent L/n, and this is Agent Blake.”

“We are so sorry for your loss,” Blake said. 

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“We just have a few questions we’d like to ask you, is that okay?” I asked. 

“Yeah, yeah anything you need.” I smiled at her again, and held out my arm to lead her into the conference room that doubled as an interrogation room. I saw Hotch and Rossi in place just outside the glass, waiting to watch and listen. 

“So, Annie,” I said as she sat down in one of the chairs. “Can I call you Annie?”

She nodded. “So, do you know of anyone who would want to hurt your fiancé?”

Annie shook her head. “No, no, everyone liked John. I can’t think of anyone who would want to hurt him.”

“Could it have been someone he met through his job?” Alex asked, putting out feelers for possible suspects or connections to other victims. “He worked in finance, right?”

“Yeah, he worked at a big accounting firm downtown, but I don’t think he really made any enemies. Not any that would kill him, anyways.”

Blake and I exchanged a look - it was time to ask the more sensitive questions. Alex took a deep breath. “Annie, where were you last night around ten?”

“I was at my mom’s house,” she began to say, and then her eyes widened. “Wait a minute.”

I bit my lower lip - I hated these conversations. “You guys think I did this?”

“We just have to ask,” Alex said, trying to calm her down. 

“No, no,” she said. “You think that just because he was my fiancé that I killed him. And for what? Some kind of payoff? My family has more money than his, why would I need to kill him?”

She was standing now, and I rounded the table to try and comfort her. I placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her so that she was sitting again. “Look, I know how hard this is. I know that you just want to know who killed him - that’s what we want to know too. And I know that if I had, God forbid, been in your shoes when I was engaged, and people started asking if I’d done it, I’d be angry too. But, we’re just trying to find out who killed John. Okay?”

This seemed to calm her down, and she relaxed again. “Okay.”

“So,” Alex said gently, leaning forward and placing her folded hands on the table. “Where were you last night at ten o’ clock?”

Annie took a deep breath. “I was with my mom, at her house. We were working on things for the wedding.”

“Can she corroborate your story?” I asked. 

She nodded. 

“Good,” Blake said, giving her an encouraging smile as we all stood. “That’s all we need from you.”

“As soon as we know anything, we’ll call you,” I said as we led her back to the precinct doors. I pulled a card from my back pocket. “And if you think of anything, let me know. Okay?”

She took the card, giving me a smile. “Thank you agents.”

––––

Hotch and Dave stood in front of the window, one watching for body language and the other listening to choice of words. Neither flinched when the girl stood from her chair, nor when Y/n rounded the table to calm her down. 

However, Y/n’s next words would shock them both - one a bit more than the other. 

And Aaron had picked a bad time to take a sip of his coffee. 

Something about hearing that Y/n had been engaged at some point shocked him enough that he actually choked on the liquid in his mouth. Dave’s head immediately shot to him, his eyes filling with concern until the unit chief stopped coughing. 

“You good?”

Hotch nodded, clearing his throat, although they both knew that to some degree his answer was going to be a lie. “I’m good.”

The two men turned and watched as the two female agents led to young women to the precinct doors. 

“Did you know?” Aaron asked. It didn’t take an explanation for Dave to know what he was asking about. 

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

Dave elaborated once Aaron glanced over at him. “I mean, I noticed the ring when she came for Ha- I mean when we met up a few years ago-” Rossi barely caught himself, but he did just in time. “But I didn’t ask any questions.”

Aaron only nodded, quickly shifting back into Hotch mode and pushing his feelings aside. 

Even though things were moving slowly, - a little too slowly, if you asked him, but he understood - Hotch felt that things were slowly getting better between him and Y/n. Bridges were slowly being rebuilt. But just when he felt like maybe, just maybe, there was still a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel, something like this would happen. He would learn of something else that had happened in those lost fifteen years. The fifteen years he would never get back. 

And he would realize, all over again, that he didn’t know her as well as he used to. 

And that thought, along with so many other things, broke his heart. 

––––

“Why hasn’t this guy been interviewed?” JJ asked the lead detective on the case, referring to the manager of the accounting firm all our victims had worked at. 

“Because he was at a conference in Manhattan and didn’t get back until today,” he said. “He’s expecting a meeting with someone, and I figured one of your people would want to handle it.”

Hotch nodded. “We would, thank you.” He looked at me. “L/n and I will handle the interview.”

I nodded, albeit a little surprised at the fact he was pairing the two of us up alone for the first time since my transfer, but I left the conference room right on his heels anyway, feeling the eyes of the other members of the team on us both as we left. 

We got stuck in traffic fairly quickly, and the tension hung heavy in the SUV - and I knew why. 

I hadn’t meant to bring up the engagement, it was something I tried to not talk about. As much as I loved him, I would always feel bad that I put the two of us through such a long affair. 

“You did a good job calming the fiancé down earlier,” Aaron finally said after a while, and I knew that there was no getting past things no. 

“Thanks,” I said first. After a moment, I sighed. “And no, I wasn’t lying, I was engaged once.”

“Was?” Aaron asked, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes as he kept his visual focus mainly on the road. 

I rolled my eyes, smiling a bit. “Come on, Hotch. You and I both know that you noticed the tanline on my finger the moment I walked into your office.”

He chuckled, and I had to admit the action surprised me. “I guess you’re right. I’d try to deny it, but I don’t think we’d get very far.”

I smirked. “You never could lie to me.”

He smiled. “That I could not.”

After a beat of silence, he asked, “Who was it?”

I let out a chuckle, although there wasn’t much humor laced through it. “Supervisory Special Agent Everett Cole.”

His eyes widened for a second, but then he settled back into his normal neutral expression. “Really?”

This time, my laugh did have a bit of humor to it - I knew he was shocked, whether he was showing it or not. “Really.”

“What happened?” He asked, and his voice was lowered. Just barely, but it was enough to know he was treading lightly. I didn’t know if he was asking why we didn’t get married or how we got together, so I told him the whole story. 

“Well, it just sort of happened, I guess,” I began. “We started dating around 2006, just having fun. Things got a little more serious around a year or so later”

I sighed, my eyes flickering out the window. “He proposed in 2009, in the summer. We were going to get married in the spring of 2011, but then he got shot.”

I paused for a moment, the memory making me emotional even though we were no longer together. I looked down at my hands resting in my lap, starting to pick at my nails. “It was…really bad. Um, he got cornered with a suspect and tried to talk him down, but he shot him in the leg. It was his thigh, and it was a perfect shot too, because it tore through an artery, a bunch of muscle, and lodged into a bone.”

Hotch grimaced. “We thought he was going to bleed out right there, honestly. I was distraught, Collins was having to hold me back from everything. Aubrey just..froze.”

“He was in surgery for hours,” I said, my eyes ghosting over the finger that hadn’t held a ring in nearly a year. “We were calling his family, having them fly in from Dallas. We genuinely didn’t think he was going to make it, and if he didn we weren’t sure he’d be able to walk.”

“But, it’s Everett,” I said, a laugh chasing the words. “He pulled through, went through all the PT, came out on the other side with no real damage other than a bit of a limp sometimes. Aubrey and I used to give him crap for it all the time.”

Hotch smiled. “Can he still do fieldwork?”

“For the most part,” I said. “He struggles with stamina after a while, just because his leg will start hurting, but for the most part he does good.”

“Anyways,” I said, physically shaking my head as if to rid myself of the memory. “We pushed the wedding date after that.”

“And then, in the most cliché way possible,” Aaron laughed, like he knew where this was going. “We called it off a week before the wedding. We just…realized we weren’t in it for the right reasons. We were just going through the motions - we loved each other, just not in that way.”

“I get it,” Aaron said. Then he smirked. “Who took the honeymoon?”

I grinned. “I did. A week in Maui with Michelle was very relaxing.”

He laughed, and so did I. After a moment, he looked at me with another smirk. “So, has Cole asked Aubrey out yet?”

I groaned. “No. Unless something has changed since the last time I talked to him.”

“He’s still following around her like a lost puppy?”

“Oh yeah.”

We both laughed, the building we were looking for coming into view. 

“Oh, yeah,” Hotch said as he turned off the ignition, turning to me. “There was one more thing I wanted to ask you about.”

I tiled my head to the side, taking a small, yet calculated risk with my next words. “Anything.”

His next question wasn’t one I had been expecting, but it wasn’t an unwelcome one. “When did you learn ASL?”

I almost laughed as I nodded. “Oh - that. Um, Mikey and Michelle’s daughter, her name is Alana, was born with a hearing loss condition. Reversible, thankfully, but she couldn’t hear until she was around eight - that was when she was old enough to have the procedure to reverse it. Until then, we all signed to her, so I had to learn. She’s around 14 now, so I’m a little rusty.”

He nodded, a smile pulling at his lips. “What’s she like?”

The question surprised me. Not in the sense of it was one I hadn’t expected him to ask, but in the sense of I suddenly felt 25 again for some reason.

I simply smiled. “She’s Mikey’s daughter, that’s for sure.”

“I feel sorry for Michelle,” Aaron deadpanned as he stepped out of the car. 

“Oh, we all do.”


	21. What If?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It was real for me. I don’t know what it was for you. But for me. It was real. It meant more than it should have. And I was willing to be with you forever.” -R.M. Drake_

“Alright, my favorite crimefighters,” Penelope said as she breezed into the conference room. Those who had yet to open their manila case files opened them as she turned on the monitor. “Today you all are heading to sunny Los Angeles!”

This brought about a groan from everyone at the table - long flights sucked. 

“I know, I know,” she said, before bringing up the photos of our victims. “This is Heather Greenland, age twenty-two. She recently realized she had a stalker. It started with hangup calls and strange text messages, then escalated to flowers at her job, and we were called in when this happened.”

A new photo appeared on screen, and everyone’s faces reflected some form of shock or surprise. It was dozens, if not hundreds, of photographs spread out over a table. Some were of Heather, but there were at least five other women pictured as well. In the middle, was a piece of paper - a note - that read _“There’s more where you came from.”_

“Oh, this is bad,” I said, just barely loud enough for the others to hear. 

“Yeah,” Morgan said. “Yeah it is.”

“Clearly, we need to get to L.A. as soon as possible,” Hotch said, flipping his file closed and standing from the table. “Wheels up in ten.”

––––

“So, you think it’s really just occam’s razor on this one?” Morgan asked, and I had to admit we were all a little skeptical - our cases usually weren’t usually this simple, although that was debatable. 

“I mean, it makes sense, but only when you’re talking about one girl,” JJ said. “I mean, I can understand an unsub stalking one or two, but six?”

“It is possible,” Spencer said, and I turned to watch him from where he was standing next me. “We’ve already determined that this unsub is hyper fixated on the idea of love, so it’s possible that he feels like these women showed him some type of attention that could be interpreted as interest, and things just spiraled from there.”

“But six women?” Rossi asked. 

Spencer shrugged. “He could have thought he was pursuing all these women in the hopes of getting one to date him. In his mind, the stalking could have been his way of courtship.”

“And you think that it’s really possible that our unsub got this worked up because he felt like these women had been interested in him and they weren’t?” Hotch asked. “You think it’s possible that all of these women happened to show something similar to interest to this man?”

I smirked. “Come on, Hotch - like you haven’t led more than one girl on before.”

He turned to look at me, and I watched as his eyes fell and became filled with a form of sadness. My face fell, and a pit formed in my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak, but then closed it again - _not now._

The other members of the team watched the interaction with narrowed eyes, as they seemed to watch all of our interactions now that they knew about at least some of our past. 

I watched as Hotch mentally shook himself from the moment. “Um, I want some of you to go back and talk to the victims again. See if there’s any place they all frequent, and if they can think of anywhere they might have met our unsub and if there is anyone they can think of that it might be. JJ, I want you and Morgan to take Heather and Lillian. Blake, you and Dave take Kacey and Miranda, and Morgan and Reid take Rachel.”

The six of them nodded, and left the conference room. A sadness lingered in the air between Hotch and I as we remained.

I slowly crossed the room to him, staring at the ground as I stood in front of him. “Hotc-Aaron, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that they way it sounded. I was just trying to make a joke, I wasn’t trying to imply anything.”

He sighed, avoiding my gaze as I looked up at him. “I know, but you the thing is you weren’t wrong, either.”

“Hey,” I said, placing a hand lightly on his forearm so he would look at me. He continued to look at the floor, and I was afraid I was going to have to physically turn his face so that he would look at me, until his brown eyes finally met mine. “No matter what you feel like you did back then, it doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past. Okay?”

That wasn’t entirely true, because maybe I didn’t want all of it to be in the past, but that wasn’t important right now. 

He nodded. “I know.”

I nodded, taking my hand off his arm. I knew there was something else on his mind, but I could also tell that he wasn’t ready to go there yet. I changed the subject. “How about we see what we can do with trying to narrow down where the unsub met all these women while the others are gone, hm?”

He nodded, and suddenly Aaron was back into Hotch mode. “Let’s get to work.”

––––

Morgan watched as his teammates gathered their belongings and walked out to the SUVs to head to the airport. He watched Y/n give Hotch a subtle smile, one she probably hadn’t even noticed she had given him. And he’d watched as Hotch gave her one right back. 

And even though he knew it was none of his business, he just had to ask why. 

“Hey Hotch,” he said, gaining the man’s attention as he walked back into the conference room. “Can I ask you something?”

Hotch’s eyebrows raised as he continued tidying up the last few things, and Morgan knew that meant he was listening. “I know this is none of my business, but what happened between you and L/n?”

Hotch’s head shot up, looking to Derek with a frown before looking back to his original task. “I mean, if you guys were such good partners, why were you acting like you couldn’t stand each other up until a few weeks ago?”

To Morgan’s surprise, Hotch smirked. “Did L/n tell you that?”

Morgan felt heat rise in his cheeks. “Not exactly…we kind of had Garcia run a background search.

“I figured about as much.”

The unit chief sighed, sombering while he considered his answer. “Morgan, do you remember when we applied to be profilers?”

Derek frowned, and he wondered if Hotch was dodging the question. “Um, yeah? Why?”

“And do you remember how there were two spots open?”

“Yeah, I do,” he said. “And I know that this is none of my business, but what does this have to do with you and Y/n?”

Hotch’s eyes met Morgan’s with such a gaze he nearly stopped talking. The look said, _you know what._

Morgan’s eyes widened, immediately lowering his voice and stepping closer to his friend. “Wait, so you mean that I got the job here over her?”

Hotch only nodded, zipping up his briefcase. 

“But how?” Morgan asked as the two began walking out of the precinct to meet up with the others. “She’s insane! How did I get hired over her.”

Hotch stopped, turning to face Morgan - he stopped as well. “Because you’re a man and she’s a woman, and Gideon didn’t want to hire her because of that. I left, she didn’t, and everything changed after that.”

Anger could be seen flaring on Hotch’s eyes as we left the building, but Morgan knew it wasn’t directed at him - he knew it was directed at the long-since retired Jason Gideon, and he couldn’t say he blamed him. 

But he’d also noticed, now twice, that Hotch had had a look near that of sadness in his eyes when talking to or about Y/n. 

And he couldn’t help but wonder what the reasoning was behind that, too. 

––––

I yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand as I signed my after action report. My eyes darted across the page, making sure every box was checked and every line had a signature before shutting the case file and walking up the short flight of stairs to Hotch’s office. I knocked, and could hear his voice beckon me inside. 

“Here’s the after action paperwork,” I said, folding up the file for emphasis before plopping it down on his desk. 

He nodded. “Thank you. Good work on this case.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Hotch. And I am sorry about what I said yesterday. I know I’ve already said this, but I really didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

Aaron smirked. “Aren’t you the one who wanted to drop it?”

I rolled my eyes, then grinned. “Have you always been this insufferable - I’m just trying to apologize one last time.”

“Well, you would know.”

I laughed. “Anyway, there’s that report, and I’m going to head out for the night.”

He nodded, and I could see the same look in his eyes that I had seen a few days before - there was still something on his mind. It made me pause for a second, but then I decided I’d leave him be and leave anyway. 

Until I found out what had been on his mind. 

“What if I’d stayed?”

The question made my ears prick, and it felt like my heart stopped beating. His words had been rushed, but he’d put the question out there, and there it was, now hanging heavily in the air between us. I sucked in a breath as my eyes widened. I exhaled before I turned to face him again. 

“What?”

We both knew that question was unnecessary - we both knew what he meant. Nevertheless, he repeated himself. 

“If I’d stayed, would it have made a difference?”

The words were vague, and to any outsider, they could mean anything. But to us, they meant the difference between how things were now, and something we would never know.

I sighed, saying the answer to the question I had come to after many years of bitterness - bitterness that still most definitely came in waves, but waves that I had been surprised to feel slow. 

“Aaron, we never would have worked if you’d stayed.” His face fell at those words, and his reaction, as well as the words coming out of my mouth, made my heart ache more than I’d care to admit. “Because you were right, you needed to take this job. Maybe we would have both gotten the job one day if you’d stayed, but maybe we wouldn’t have. But you wouldn’t be sitting in that chair if you hadn’t left when you did, and you know it.”

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, my eyes now looking at anyone other than Hotch. My eyes found a picture on one of his shelves, one that I recognized as also being in my house. 

It was an old photo, around fourteen years old, of Aaron, myself, and Aubrey and Everett. We were all wearing massive grins, holding our new Supervisory Special Agent badges on the day of our promotion. There was enough dust on the photo for me to know that it had been there for a long time, and the realization sent a burst of something that felt strangely like euphoria through my chest. 

It quickly faded as I continued to answer his question. “Besides, if you’d stayed, you would’ve always held some form of resentment towards me, even if you didn’t want to. You would have always had the question of ‘what if’ on your mind. And don’t try to dispute that, because you and I study behavior for a living - you know I’m right.”

He sighed. “I know you’re right, I just…can’t help but wonder, sometimes.”

I nodded, a sad smile on my lips as I looked at him. “I know. Me too.”

While my answer was how I felt, it was only part of it. The other part of me wants to think that we probably would have worked out if he had stayed, and we would be leading very different lives now. But I knew, now matter how sad it made me, we would probably be even worse off than we were now. Somehow, that was more heartbreaking than the way things were now. 

I stayed in the office, Hotch looking down at his desk and me looking down at his floor. 

“Goodnight, Aaron,” I said after a moment. 

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

––––

Aaron knew she was right. Even before he’d asked the question, he’d known that was what she’d say, and that she was right. He knew things needed to go the way they had, and all things considered, he didn’t have many regrets. 

But the biggest regret he had, had just walked out of office. He sighed, shaking his head and reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket. He pulled out the worn leather, unfolding his credentials and pulling the worn photo that had been there for so many years. 

He smiled as he saw it, like he always did. He let himself think back for a moment to those years, some of the best years of his life. He thought back to when they hadn’t been worrying about promotions, keeping a section in line, or anything else. Back when he’d been too stupid to realize what he had when he had it. Because everytime he looked at this photo, he thought back to the time when Y/n was the best thing in his life. 

And when he looked at the photo long enough, especially now, he would forget for a moment just how things had changed. 

And once he remembered how things had changed, for a split second he would have the hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late.


End file.
